Mar 27, 2011
My Friend asked for my next story, so here goes:
My other story involves the death of my mother. It was a major turn of events in my spiritual life, of how I viewed things and my total faith in God. I do of course slip at times but of course I am only human.
December 30, 2001: I received a call from my Dad asking me to help him get my mother in the van as she was ill and he could not do it alone. She had multiple physical back problems and was not an invalid but had problems moving on her own. He had battled all night with her having diahrea. He had called an ambulance, but they came by and told him that all the hospitals were on drive bys as they were sooo busy at that time of the year. This was New Years Eve Eve. They advised him to take her own his own in the morning and he could probably get in easier!!! Her blood pressure was about 80/30. So I rushed over the 30 minute drive, and we took her in. At first they said she was dehydrated gave her some fluids and would send her home. I was appalled bc she was very ill in my opinion. Well they decided to keep her. Put her in a regular room and continued IV fluids and some meds. I stayed with her that night. She remained stable. The next night I stayed at home and got a call that they were putting her in ICU. I rushed to the hospital and they let me see her but I could only visit briefly. She remained stable that day. The next night I got a call that they were intubating her. Again rushed to the hospital. She was getting worse. We began making calls to her family members and had my sister flown in. (I do not get along with her very well.) She continued to go down hill and we all prayed and prayed. My uncle, a preacher, had us surround her and pray for her healing. This whole time I felt an uncomfortableness. I stayed at the hospital around the clock and my best friend came every night and spent the night with me on the ICU waiting room floor, where I would occasionally sleep. One night a man was rushed in for heart problems and his poor wife alone and desperate was beside herself. She was crying uncontrolably and was left alone. Something made me get up and go wrap my arms around her , a stranger and start praying with her. I had NEVER done anything like that. The praying part. I have always been caring and would even help a stranger or offer a helping hand but NOT PRAY ALOUD in front of others. My friend was amazed as well. The doctors came out and went from he will not make it to, he is doing great and will survive!!
Well I continued to pray for my mother, but she lapsed into a unconciousness. They continued to increase the oxygen until it was at 100%, not very good for the lungs. One time when I was alone, I walked the halls and found my way to a little sub-chapel. I entered, and went to my knees in front of the Bible and asked for God's guidance. I began opening the Bible to pages that would always fall radomally to scripture about following Gods' Will. And suddenly it hit me!!! I was praying selfishly. I wasn't praying for Gods Will to be done. I was praying for Sharon's Will to be done. I began to cry and asked for His forgiveness and prayed strictly for His Will and Only His Will to be done. I prayed for strength for whatever would happen that I be filled with Peace. I prayed for my Fathers well being. But I kept praying for His Will. I realized that I was trying to bend his will to my desire. I have always been a strong believer in Christ and have a deep bond with God. But I never gave it all over to his Will. Without my own reservations and wants. I prayed first for God to hear my prayer, I prayed next for His Will, Then for not understanding but total faith that I would trust him and his decisions to be what is best for my mother. I would totally accept whatever that was and finally I prayed that He would answer my Prayers In Jesus Christs' name. I added a P.S. out of my human selfishness and concern for my mom that which ever way He answered that it would be swift, to not allow her to suffer and linger in that condition..
I went from confusion and despair to absolute and total peace. A peace I had never ever known. One I did not even know existed. Something I cannot not describe. Total calm, warmth, surrounded with strength and satisfaction. It was not Wow, it was "I finally get it"!!!! It was happiness.
Mom did not improve and I knew . I knew from the moment I said Amen. She would be leaving this place of pain and struggle for her. She had fought and battled for so many years, such a struggle for her. My Dad struggled with her and it was pulling him down. Her surgeries, cancer, Sjogrens, wheel chairs, walkers, and thru it all she had strength in God! She kept on going. she shopped and wore brightly vivid colors. She was almost gaudy in her bright colors! But she lay there pale and unmoving. She wasn't fighting anymore!!
That night laying on the floor , I feel asleep in a crowded ICU and dreamt of her young, in a flowery flowing dress blowing in the wind, as she climbed a hill of brightly colored flowers and almost at the top she turned and waved this handkerchief at me at the bottom of the hill. I still see it!! Then she turned and went on over the hill. And I woke up!!! I knew!!! And I was Thrilled!!!! For Her and that God was answering my prayers that HE DO HIS WILL.
At visitation, she was still alive but the nurse put an arm around me and said "Sharon, I believe that she is on a different Plateau now." Yes, that was the word " a different plateau" like she was on a higher level!!! I was so awed that she would use that word. Plateau. Like in my Dream. God had prepared me. Peace filled my soul and heart.
Dad had asked me to help him make a decision, the doctors had asked him about unplugging the machines, and I said oh yes Daddy. It is her time for Peace! I left the Hospital and showered and to get my children. When I returned she was gone. Gone to Heaven!! I didn't feel sad or hurt I was so happy. Only God did that for me. I turned it all over to him and he took care of it and he took care of me. I had the strength to help my poor grieving Father!
My sister did some hurtful things, but He again gave me strength to deal with it. I was invaded with all my mom's family coming in and I did it with Peace and A Smile. I Shed very few tears. In fact I sit here crying more tears than I did then.
God taught me a Gift!! We Must Trust in Him and the ONLY way to do that it is to turn it all over to him and not take it back. We can't pray at night and give it to him and then wake up in the morning and take it back. To start worrying about it again is like we arent trusting in His Will. But we are humans and we will stumble and we will make mistakes. We will be stingy and selfish. The thing about it is we need to remember that our prayers are not a wish list, or for our desires. We should pray for God's Desires and have faith in that what he does is what we want for our life.
Now since that time I have trusted his judgement instead of my own. But not always. I fail! I am selfish! I hurt, get mad, sometimes even curse. But I return to my knees! For it is to humble yourself before the Lord by praying on your knees. The Bible speaks of praying for your prayers to be heard, for them to be answered and to pray them all in Jesus Christ name, Amen!
This is MY story of Faith and Trust in God. It has been my salvation in my life. The loss of my mother was a joyful experience!! I know that she is filled with Joy as well and is a bright vision up there!!