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My Own Recovery

Sep 20, 2008 - 8 comments

I have decided to sign up to this website because I am interested in staying healthy and meeting people that can help me as I courageously conquer my own addiction.
It has been a secret of mine for over 2 years.  Yes. I am very ashamed about it, It would kill me if my family were to ever find out because I am scared that they would be disappointed in me.  My addiction started with one simple pill, and eventually turned into a terrible lifestyle.  Well I want out.  I have wanted out for a while now but could never gather the courage to talk to anyone including my doctor let alone family in friends. I feel ashamed about it.  However, I'm tired of it now, and I want the old me back.  I finally met with my doctor and he's helping me conquer this terrible disease. One week at a time.  I'm weaning myself off of the drug.  I will still feel withdrawals, but my doctor thinks this will be the best way for me.  I agree.  I'm less scared of failure and i'm focusing on life after drugs.  I know I will be successful and I will find ways to help me through the psychological struggles of drug dependence.   I will be leaving regular posts of my recovery. Feel feel to comment.

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Avatar universal
by LostButFightingAgain83, Sep 21, 2008
hey! Just randomly found one of your posts about weaning off of oxy. I've been enslaved by the drug myself for a little more than a year as well. When I saw your comment about Tylenol One it caught my attention, wish it were legal here in the US though! (Feeling pain, etc never felt so alien) Anyways congrats on your journey! I'm curious to know if weaning works, I tried and failed with it too many times (didn't have a doctor to help me though).

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by Mander1983, Sep 22, 2008
Hi there.  Thank you for writing.  I find it so encouraging to stay strong when you know that there are other people out there fighting just like you are.  Being addicted to Oxycontin has been the hardest thing ever. Only because you really have to admit your defeat and you can't just kick because you want too.  I've tried quitting three times by myself but could never make it through the withdrawals.  When I began to start detoxing again, I went to a clinic near by just to ask for help to get through the withdrawals.  Thankfully, It was the doctor that told me that cold turkey would not work and that he would help me, by decreasing my daily amount week by week.  It's working so far but mind you i'm still on week one.  I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow.  I'll let you know how it goes.  I definitely think that joining this website will increase my success rate.  Thank you again, and i'll keep you updated.

I just want to know though, are you still taking oxy's, or did you manage to make it through.   If you want my suggesting, I would go back to see another doctor.  Unfortunately i'm not really sure how your health care system works there. I know that there are not much accessibility and that it is quite expensive.  I really do hope that you find a doctor that can help you, because just having a doctor believe in me was so enlightening and such a positive reinforcement to keep me going.

Hope to talk to you soon.  :)

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by Mandapanda17, Sep 22, 2008
Hi there, I like your name :) lol, congrats on your huge decision to get off the pills!! It can be the hardest thing you've ever done, but worth it! I'm still fighting here on day 38, not physically so much, but mentally! I tried to taper off myself and got about halfway to the 0 goal and went cold turkey, I already felt terrible anyway tapering. How have you been feeling since tapering? congrats again and happy to have another Amanda here :)

626316 tn?1221977378
by Mander1983, Sep 28, 2008
Hi Amanda.. Glad to have you here as well.

To be honest. I feel great about the tapering.  I get to reinforce my own control, which I think is helping me towards my own recovery.   When I feel weak.. I talk to my support persons and just having them listen to me keeps me from going to my bottle of pills.  I can feel the oxi's slowly coming out of my body b/c I am feeling the withdrawals.. it may not make much sense but there are less mg traveling through my body...  I think this is going to make it easier when the big day comes when i have 0 pills left and 0 scripts and i will be forced to stop.  But this is ultimately what i want.  I want to stop. I am scared to stop. but i do know that I will have lots of help and support to get me through from people like you.
MSG me anytime.  I'm always here,


Avatar universal
by Shad1970, Dec 13, 2008
Hi Amanda,
I read your post and was wondering how you were doing? I too have battled with Oxy addiction for about 3 years.
I went to my doctor and told him I was taking about 400mgs of Oxy a day. I asked him to refer me to a suboxone clinic.
I did this for over a year. I felt like I had my life back. It truly is a miracle drug. But somehow I fell of the wagon over a year ago. I now take 160 mgs of oxy a day and I want my life back too. I have suboxones but I just cant seem to take them.
I like the oxys too much. I know what I need to do. Its just getting the strenght too do it. I hope your stepping down is working for you. Let me kow how its going.
Thanks Shad1970

Avatar universal
by 10356, Dec 13, 2008
Hi Amanda I would just like to congratulate you on taking the steps required to get clean.. Speaking with your Dr. is very difficult for many but I believe necessary... The forum contributes every day to my sobriety but without therapy I never would have worked on the reasons for the abuse... .I wish you well on your journey and welcome you to the forum... lesa

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by scaredmom330, Dec 14, 2008
first let me say welcome, youve come to the right place. you have to take one day at a time, be strong and keep posting,. we are here for you!

626316 tn?1221977378
by Mander1983, Dec 16, 2008
THank you so much for replying. Everyone! It's really strengthening to see all the support! Truly a blessing! And I do wish you all well in your own recoveries.  It was truly one of the most difficult things that I have ever in my life done. I am clean now, and have been clean for 2 months. Well almost two months. Every day is still a struggle and there are definately days when I feel like falling down the wrong path again.  But that's just it, I remember the hard times that I had on the deep dark road and I realize the consequences that it had on not just my life, but on every one else around me. People that love me, that are friends with me.  I'm a better person today, I am healthy and truly honest, with everyone  ! I love it.  
Dear Shad1970,  please don't be discouraged, you've done it before and you can do it again. You realize that something in your life needs to change.  We fall off our track of doing the right thing sometimes, but it's definately most important that we stay strong and keep trying.
I know you can do it!!

Cheers All.
A true blessing to hear from yous.


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