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The Saga Continues

Jun 06, 2011 - 2 comments

Well, I've seen an older more compassionate doctor who I really like but she didn't order any more tests and I'm a little disappointed that she didn't at least order one more echo gram to clarify her findings. She went through my case and is using the evidence taken thus far. She says I'm fitting into the grey area and my condition is a clinical call on their decision to implant an ICD. Again I'm hearing the term "sudden death" and I'm basically feeling that there will be no other choices for me. I hate being so skeptical about the implant but I just don't want it. I've scheduled the procedure nonetheless but if it weren't for my 2 children I wouldn't do it. I really feel that the grey area she is mentioning is more to my advantage than any of these doctors think because I just don't feel that bad and not once have I felt a flutter or any sign that I'm in such danger. I think it's just so unclear to them that they are falling back on this implant idea as a safety net. They've all admitted that this thing may never turn on but they don't dare recommend the risk of my not having one. I'll be severely pissed if I go years upon years with this thing in me and it never has to engage. It's almost like I feel that this thing better be going off all the time to make me comfortable with the idea. At least then I would know for sure I need it. I'm not happy, I won't be happy, I won't feel any safer, I fear I will become so bitter that it will affect my family and my happiness. Meanwhile they get to study me and make me a research case in the process. Would be better if I was seeing a doctor who has one in himself I think. I'm thin, this thing will protrude and make me so uncomfortable that I'll develop a complex about it I know. 2 days to go until they put it in. ****!!! AAAARRRRGHH!!!!!
      

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967168 tn?1477584489
by Mom2four85, Jun 07, 2011
What about talking to your doctor and asking for a vest with a defibrillator in it instead? I can't remember what it's called but they will know what it is right away; they may have different models but look up LifeVest

1679243 tn?1307674938
by heartwonderer44, Jun 09, 2011
I've seen some info about those. Some cases I saw that it was used as a preliminary option before an actual ICD was used. I don't know, I know that I was relieved when I took back control of my body and cancelled. Maybe one day I'll come around but, it's not today, which was procedure day BTW. I ended up getting a stomach virus yesterday afternoon, I had nausea and a fever all night last night so the procedure would have been postponed anyway. I'm not stressing anymore over this, I refuse to. I'm just going to get on with living and demand to have echos done periodically. If the scar tissue poses more of a threat in the future then I'll consider the ICD. I haven't ruled it out now, but, I just don't feel like I can accept it at the moment, it would cause me a lot of grief in the process. There's no pressure from my family so waiting a while is proving to be better for my state of mind. Sometimes I feel like I've been sucked into a cardiologists pyramid scheme. Seems like those guys all practice they're doom and gloom mentality in the mirror like a sales pitch. I need some time to accept SCD is at my door cuz the messages I'm getting from the man above is that I'm a survivor and his plan doesn't require my presence in Heaven just yet. Hope you are ok Lisa. Your latest posts seemed pretty frightening, I know you need answers and I'm saying a prayer for you right now.
  

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