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Ugh. I neeeed HEEELP!!!

Jun 15, 2011 - 17 comments
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Baby

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Work

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child

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help

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going back to work

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moving



Okay, so here's the deal.  I don't know what to do. I currently don't work.  I go yard sale-ing, but that suc ks lol.  Today I made like $6.25...and got even MORE sunburned WITH blisters! OMG I KNOW!!!  (and yes I put sunblock on :(...lol) That's totally not a reliable income! lol.  Before I had my babies I used to work at McDonald's close to my house.  I was the 1st assistance store manager.  Made $9.75/hr.  I recently thought about going back for a little bit to help with the moving costs and whatnot.  I know the owners of this franchise and everything.  I talked a little to an old manager I know and told her "don't say anything cause I haven't decided yet if I wanna go back" Well, she said something still.  Told the Store manager that I was thinking about it if Michele (owner) would hire me back.  This was a few weeks ago, I kind of forgot about it actually....then Today I got a call from the Store manager.  Told me that she talked to Michele and for me to call her.  Gave me the number, but I was busy, so haven't called yet.  The thing is, I'm not 100% sure I want to go back.  If even for a little bit.  I know I probably should, but ...ugh. iunno.  I have two small children 21 months and 7 months.  I asked my mom if she can watch them while I"m gone, and I would only take the 11-5pm shift as to not be gone too long and not miss the dinner time and baths and things like that.  She said she could probably do it, but that it's hard taking care of them both by herself because they are a handful.  My sister offered to watch them, but she has a 2 month old breastfeeding and she does the yard sale thing all day too.  She can barely get anything done with her baby let alone take care of mine all day in the 115 degree heat.  Also, I'm not sure if Michele would hire me back at the same store or the other one down farther, which I DON'T want to work at.  And I don't know if I"ll be a manager or a crew person, OR how much I'll be getting per hour.  I know I have to call to find those things out obviously...but I still dont know if I want to do it.  My husband just found more work and I want to be with the babies, but I also want to move sooner than later and having more money will make that happen.  At the same time I'm feeling selfish because I want to be with the kids.  It's not that I'm lazy and don't want to work, just I feel like I"m "leaving" them and I feel like I"m going to miss something important that happens you know?  Since Kaitlyn was born in Sept. 2009 I've been home.  ALL the time with her then Zakariya came in Nov. 2010.  I just....ahhhh!!!  I know it would probably benefit more to go work,  but then I feel bad for putting them off on my mom to watch them, as I know my sister can't really handle it.  I'm torn.  And I need help deciding.  I ask my mom and she doesn't help.  I asked my husband and he says "it's whatever you want babe"  I'm a VERY indecisive person as it is (beef or chicken for dinner? what color shirt ? -- takes like 30 mins for me to decide lol)  PLEASE give me all your input that you have for this :)  

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Avatar universal
by vicki595, Jun 15, 2011
Hey...Those babies grow so quickly!  Stay home,enjoy them,make memories...to me, it's always about the children...then the job,the bigger house,newer car,etc... You're not selfish at all!    

Don't think about this for a few days and then re-visit the idea. I think you'll decide to stay put!!

xo

1580085 tn?1400940838
by sudie58, Jun 15, 2011
i agree with vicki, i think deep down you want to stay with the babies, we could always find use for some extra money, but as your mom says "its hard looking after them both", so you would worry about that,  i would stay with the kids tiffany,    xo

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by cleaninitup, Jun 15, 2011
Yup sounds like you want to stay with the kids.There will be plenty of time  in the future for you to work.And this coming from someone who runs out the door 1 1/2 hrs before her shifts starts, I love being with kids but i also love my away time.So stay home and enjoy them,its not fun being at work and worrying about them.The cant make a decision part-sounds like me lol you wouldnt happen to be a Libra would you?lol Heather

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 15, 2011
Sure am a Libra! lol....  The thing is you guys, it's not too much "extra" money.  It's like...we have all these bills and a loan to pay off for the car and I'm BARELY able to come up with the money each month...let alone diapers and wipes etc etc and it suc ks.  I hate it.  I do want to stay home with the kids...but I want to move already as well.  I live with my parents and sister with both kiddos.  My dad is an alcoholic and has been forEVER and he gets to drinking and turns into an a**...I'm not talking bothering you or annoying you type of a**..i'm talking turn off the power and water to the house, cut the phone wires so we don't have the phone, cut the plug off the computer cord...etc etc...My mom has to pay the phone bill cause I called 911 when I was like 10.  it's not just "oh this is annoying"  It's a night of OMG hide so he doesn't see us and start more sh*t. I just ignore him and go straight to bed when he does it cause I can't put up with his crap and tell him stuff and we get into it.  He's hit me a few times before when drunk, once when I was 8 months preggo with my son...  He will come in the house in the middle of the night yelling and stuff and my daughter sleeps in my mom's room which isn't really a room, sort of just in the middle of the house...you gotta walk through it to get anywhere really....and wakes her up....I think that's the biggest thing that I know if I work I'll be gone sooner.  I remember my childhood and I hate myself for having to put my kids through this too.  :( :( that's why it's a hard decision.  I was thinking y'all would say "yes go to work!"  .... but I guess without the whole story I would have said stay home as well....ugh.  Still torn.

1653969 tn?1390331661
by cleaninitup, Jun 15, 2011
Eeekk  bad situation-there is no one else who could watch the kids during the day for you? Even state assisted childcare? Sounds like you and the kids need to get out of there pretty soon if for nothing else to get away from your dad. Is there any friends or someone that could watch kiddos even if different friend everyday-just spewing ideas for you. Getting kicked off computer by 5 1/2 yr! so he can play his John Deere game lol will check back later  can hubs family help you and kids get up to Joplin?

202436 tn?1326474333
by LosingMyMindInGA, Jun 15, 2011
From your initial post I wuold have said just stay home.  But after reading your reply my advice is to get that job and get the he!! out of that house.  It's not doing your kids ANY good being in that environment.  Check on subsidized child care, in most states you can pick the provider so long as they accept it.  Your kids needs their mom, but they need a stable, loving environment as well.  Trust me when i say I know how difficult this is.  I left my job to be a sahm in Nov 09.  Dh and I have been having some serious issues and i am currently looking for a job and still deciding whether to seperate or not.  My main reason for wanting to seperate is to give my kids a more loving environment.  The only reasons I'm not gone yet are a) no job yet and b) we are trying counseling to see if it will work.  My kids mental health and the impressions of how relationships and family are supposed to be should be healthy and that means more to me than anything so if we can't provide that for them together, we'll do it apart. It's best to miss a small milestone and have healthy, well adjusted kids sometimes.    

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 15, 2011
I have one friend who could watch them, thought about that, but Kaitlyn is scared when she's there.  They are Mexican and SUPER dark and she's scared of her brothers and mom and sometimes her ...But not her a lot, so maybe I can go there more often then see how she is.  I just want to be GONE already!!! Bryan is trying to fix the van his uncle gave him to get a loan on it so we can move, but first he has to fix the truck he has to make more money to get the van fixed...He started working with a contractor so that will be some money, but still going to take a while if it's just him...cause he has to buy stuff up there to get by as well...his family has NO money...wish they did!!! I think i'm going to figure out the child care thing and go from there...if I can find someone I trust to watch them, then I can work even if it's just a little.  

Avatar universal
by finsfan4ever, Jun 15, 2011
You have been my friend from the start. you also know where I"M AT in my own mess so take any advice I have with a grain of salt. I too believe that getting out is more important than anythng at this point. I also knnow its way easier said than done finding a safe enviroment for your kids to be so you can have some kind of peace of mind while at work.
Could you maybe do it part time, so it doesnt burden mom or sis too much, swap it up every other day? Then you could still earn some money, and maybe a new opportunity would open in the mean time,  DONT leave those babies anywhere that scares them. You (and I) know how it is to be a kid and to be scared shi*less. And early years for those lil angels are the ones they remember.
I CARE KIDDO!

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 16, 2011
I think I've made up my mind.  I'm going to call Michele tomorrow and talk with her, see what she can do for me.  How much she will pay me and if I'll be a manager or just a crew member. It will be part time. I'm going to tell her that I want the 11-5 shift.. which isn't that long.  My mom said she will try with the kids, I don't want to leave them with my friend, like finsfan4ever said, I couldn't do that to them,  for Kaitlyn to be scared like that.  My sister said that she will help when she stays home and stuff.  She gets her kids the whole month of July, so that will help I think cause they can play together and be less stress on my mom and stuff.  She lives on the same property too, so not too bad.  I'm just worried that Michele will want me to work the "night" shift 5-close (11-12) because that's what I used to do.  I know how to do the safe and all paper work and ordering and schedules and stuff.  I don't know if she tells me that's all I can work I'm not sure if I'll do it yet.  We'll see.  I'm going to tell her what's up, she'll probably work with me.  Wish me luck, and I will let everyone know what happens :)  Thanks again for all the comments.  

Avatar universal
by perch101, Jun 16, 2011
Hi Tgtiffany, I have seen your posts on the addiction forum and saw this journal entry and thought I'd throw my opinion in there!.... Like loosingmymindinga said - after reading your first post I thought...... stay at home, because they are only little once and it sounds like you want to be home with them, and I too assumed it was for 'extras' (bigger home etc)

HOWEVER, after reading about your current home..... I agree with others that say you need to do whatever you can to get out of there.

It must be so awful to never know when your Dads going to drink and have one of his episodes..... bad enough if it was just you living there but with your kids..... I really think you need to get out of there! And your daughter getting woken up by drunk Dad - you need to get out of ther ASAP!!

Anyway, even without your Dads issues - with your own little family, you need your own space away from your parents.

If you can just work as much as you can for a short while - utilising anyone offering to babysit that you trust, you can save a bit to move out. Even if it's somewhere small - it really does not sound good living with your parents! And as others mentioned.... it's not good for your kids to be in that environment - at least if you move soon they will be too little to have memories of your drunk Dad!

Best of luck to you! Also another thought - I live in Australia and here (and I'm thinking if we have it here you would in US too?) - if you are low income with no assests you are eligable for assisted housing, where rent is subsidised and therefore can be really low. Also, they have a 'one off' scheme here where they'll pay bond and first months rent for you if you fit certain criteria, which I'm sure you would? They also take the fact you have dependent children in consideration. Do you have this in the US? Could you make enquires with your local government agency? If we have this, I'm sure you would too (or similar?)

Again, good luck and please keep us updated!

Perch :-)  

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by cleaninitup, Jun 16, 2011
Let us know how the phone call goes and what your plan is :)  it will all work out for the best ! ttyl running late for work!!! Ahhh at least I dont have to worry about getting kids to school anymore! H

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 16, 2011
Okay, so I called, and no answer :( lol.  I was like NOOOOO!  It was the business number though, but not sure if I should call the cell phone.  I still have the number, but Gloria (store manager) told me to call business one, so I'm going to try to call back later and see if they answer.  

TO PERCH101:  Yeah, I know what you mean, I should have given whole story to begin with...lol.  I wish I could have my own little space, but not possible here, well it would be, without my dad.  We built onto the house a while back and WHOLE other house basically but minus a kitchen, it just needs to be finished like sheetrock painting and put another top floor in, (has sub floor, but still good enough!!)  and put more windows in (dad refused to frame windows in like normal).  But he's using it like a garage for all his crap right now.  I told my mom eventually you're gonna have this huge nice house :)  

As for the government housing.  I looked into that already, the wait list is 2 years minimum.  I was pregnant at the time and asked if being pregnant with  a small child would speed it up, she said no, it doesn't matter if you have 20 kids and living in your car -- still 2 years.  So I didn't even bother to fill out the application.  That's so dumb to me.  But I'm going to do anything/everything I can to move out asap now :)  Going to go look up prices for U-Haul right now to see how much I need for that.  

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by cleaninitup, Jun 17, 2011
HOw d everything go today? any luck with job/truck ect?

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 18, 2011
Hey, thanks for asking :)  Yesterday was alright, called the "job" again, but still no answer or call back, so I'm not counting on that at all.  Bryan has a good job though and yesterday the contractor just gave him his truck keys and told him to take the guys to the site and do the work!!!  He's only been working there for like 4 days, but the guy likes him a lot cause he's smart and has common sense and works hard.  So hopefully he'll get a raise, if not maybe a loan or something.  He's gonna fix his truck today I think, but the van (that he was gonna fix and get a loan on) said it was more to fix..so probably not going to do that after all.  But met the assistant manager for the Dollar General yesterday at my yard sale, so maybe something with that?  Not sure if I wanna though....ugh.  Just planning on yard sale - ing today ...made $13 yesterday lol...hopefully make more today though!!  Wish me luck :)  Hope everyone has an awesome day!!!

1653969 tn?1390331661
by cleaninitup, Jun 18, 2011
You never know where opportunities may pop up with jobs so dont hesitate to meet with the person from Dollar general.Did better yard saling then the other day so every little bit helps right lol. Pouring rain today and have hubs band playing in my garage instead of the backyard as planned-it is nuts here kids running in and out and LOUD!!! lol had to sneak away for a minute for some sanity. :)   good luck today

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 19, 2011
Sounds like fun :)  Today was alright I think I made around $16 dollars.  But it was so hot omg. I SOOO wish it was raining down here!!  Had to get a bucket of water for Zakariya to stand in for a bit so he wouldn't have a heat stroke!  Gotta go tomorrow again too, but after that not sure what I'm going to do.  That manager wasn't there today, so gotta see about tomorrow.  Thanks again everyone :)  Hope tomorrow is a better day :)

1641357 tn?1470495393
by tgtiffany, Jun 23, 2011
HEY EVERYONE!!!  Okay, so I had called and no answer like four times, so wasn't counting on working, and decided not to, then yesterday Michele called and talked to me and I start on Friday :)  Going back as a manager same pay and everything :)  Looking forward to it, kind of worried about the babies, but no need to be...just how I am haha...Thanks again :)

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