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Just an update

Jul 20, 2011 - 1 comments

Hi friends :)
I have missed you all, I hope all of you are doing well. I am going to try to read up on everyone's journals to see how you are....
Dad had his first chemo yesterday. He is taking 2 chemo drugs, one they give him over an hour or so then the other he wears a pump for 46 hours that slowly introduces the drug. He will repeat this process every 2 weeks. So far, no side effects but it's so early in the process, we are not sure what will come of it. He hasn't been able to eat solids in some time so, his stomach being upset, we aren't sure if its the cancer or the chemo but he has meds to take for it either way. Now I just hope this does what it needs to and allows him to enjoy things again. I hope and pray.
As for me, I am doing ok. I woke up early yesterday morning with what seems to be a Urinary Tract Infection. I called me doctor she prescribed me an antibiotic since I couldn't make it in to see her yesterday. But why is it that I am still freaking out?  This health anxiety gets the best of me and I think it's something so much worse then that. Yes the antibiotics are already helping me but I start thinking its cancer or something else. Then I wake up last night feeling "pains" all through my stomach. Nothing severe, just enough for me to notice and I start thinking I am feeling pains because I have other things going on in my stomach area. Grrrr this health anxiety is sooo frustrating. Then my knees were aching and instead of me contributing it to walking 3 or so miles a day (and my getting older), I think it's some sort of bone cancer.  I had an xray done 3 months ago when I fell and that would have shown any such thing but I can't seem to get my mind away from it. It's very annoying. It doesnt' bother me all the time just lots of times when I am trying relax or sleep. That is when things will "hurt" the most etc.
I haven't been able to afford to see my therapist as much as I would like to but I am starting to thing I need to find a way. I need that guidance and that peace of mind she brings me.
So... thank you for listening to me rant and rave. You all are amazing, I pray for you all nightly, all of my DS friends and I am very blessed to have you in my life.
xox ~ Dani

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by rls27, Jul 20, 2011
One of the most difficult aspects of coping with health anxiety is our instinct to fight it and get rid of it. The more you fight it, the tighter it squeezes you. I've learned to look at my own health anxieties as a tug of war. The symptoms and worries are on one side of the rope, me on the other. The only way to truly free yourself and start to feel better is to drop the rope. Don't fight it. Let it come along for the ride and when you recognize it, remind yourself that you are indeed subject to occasional bouts of health anxiety. There's no cancer, heart disease, or pending stroke (I know, I've been convinced on many occasion I suffered from all three).

The other thing that feeds your anxiety is having a close family member or loved one, in your case your dad, who is suffereing from a serious illness or disease. You now have this constant reminder and a trigger for your own health concerns. So faced with this additional set of challenges, you have to tell your anxiety "I know your here, but I'm going to live a productive life regardless", let it come along for the ride, eventually you'll come to accept that you have this anxiety that spikes from time to time. Resist the urge to google symptoms and learn to trust your doctors diagnoses.

Meanwhile, find something you can immerse yourself in, something that will keep your mind from tailspinning into a panic. What are some things you like to do in your free time Dani? Has your anxiety kept you from doing these things?

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