Jul 29, 2011
I am trying so hard to do the pain medication the right way and my mom is helping me so much so I have to thank her first before I bash her. These past few days, I have been gardening and doing other things around her house. I love gardening, it is one activity that really calms my soul. Well, it hurts my knee and my back too. Mom has been holding all of my medications, including OXyIR and my Ativan for anxiety. I don't take them together, unless I have to but that is not often. Today I worked really hard in the garage, out in the garden, in the house and I was hurting. She gave me my Oxy dose an hour early and threatened that I wouldn't get anymore until the next day. I agreed because I hurt. It seems like everything I ask her and everything I do is "addict behavior." I have chronic pain, not acute pain. I don't fold over and cry and scream when my back hurts. Every time I try to talk to her, she thinks I'm full of **** or lying. I know it seems like I take way to many meds and I probably do. I want to get off a few, I'm just not going cold turkey and I'm not going to start working on that aspect of my life yet. I went in to get my usual valium for sleep and she refused to give it to me. I've been taking it as a sleep aid for almost 2 years now. She has this huge issue with the affect pain medication has on me: my words slur a little, I get really sleepy,& sometimes it's hard for me to keep track of what I'm talking about. I take the lowest dose and I still get that way but she swears up and down that I'm taking to much medicine if I'm acting like that. She wants to know how can I be in so much pain if I'm up and still getting things done around the house. No one else is going to do them and I have learned over the years to just do them, I live by myself. I have a feeling that her holding and dispensing my meds is not a good idea. I know I must be being ridiculous somewhere in this mess but holy ****. I am at a loss for words. I try and explain things to her and she writes me off like I didn't even say anythings. I wish I knew what to do. All I want is to have pain relief, sleep, and a good relationship with mom. I don't know what to do..............I feel like I'm screaming on the inside. I feel like I'm in high school again. I understand her concerns, I've abused pills before but holy ****. I have to stay down here with her because she needs my help right now and I need her help but it's getting to the point where we probably shouldn't be helping each other out. Every time she looks at me, all she see's is an addict/drug seeker. I'm here asking for her help because I don't want to be like that. I'm at a loss for words.....any ideas? I'd love to hear them.