Dec 12, 2011
I I sit back and ask myself, 'what the hell am I doing sitting up here at 2AM in the morning writing and reading on this website?' What the hell is happening to my life? Everything is crumbling down and there is nothing more I can do about it. So, I sit back and realize what exactly I am doing and I find myself on hear seeking out another individual that has the ability to almost completely understand me. That sometimes on these late nights, I really am not talking just to myself but another human being hears me and even cares. I have to quit using for my DUII evaluation that is on the 27th. I have to quit meth and pot which I consume all day every day. I admit ( on here but to no one else) that I do abuse drugs and am an addict even though you will hear me deny it to people. I have to, fit it and not be a druggy. I am not, always have been and i know damn well I always will be. I also know I need to stay on my medication which I have not been doing.The bankruptcy is ******, they may repo my car, my ex is out to kill me and I have to get a restraining order, my family drives me nuts, both adoptive and biological, the new boyfriend is a scary fast commitment that I have no clue as to rather or not I am raedy for it all and the permemant move to a new place. I owe my attorney a **** load on the DUII. Unemployment is garnishing everything for thousands they say I owe, hospital bill is now at several grand, I have no licience, I'm really hungry, barely hanging on to a job that makes me want to shot myself (wiping *** for a living) only to run around like the kid with a helment on running in circles in a padded room. Weed is my medicine. It is my means to function and think. It is a savior to my life, my whole-being, the magic cure. I don't even want to think about what i will be like when I do quit. I am so nervous. **** my life, gosh, I thought being a drug dealing couple would be exciting. Nah, now just fronted out bags that never got paid for and end up using most of the other amount that was fronted to us. All we got out of it...added ******* stress about who is where and money getting there and dope quality this and that, on and on and **** gets old. I want to live a low stress life. I keep just going with the flow. I am one scared little kid on the verge of insanity high at 2AM lost in thought.