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Ativan, Morphine, Death

Feb 03, 2012 - 97 comments

The last hours have come and gone.  My husband started showing distress and pain yesterday evening, and we added liquid morphine to lorazepam every 4 hours.  Shortly after 5am this morning he started thrashing and groaning in terrible discomfort, gasping for breath, struggling as if fighting an unseen enemy.  Hospice nurses recommended we double his pain and anxiety medication... ten minutes later, holding his hand, I looked into my husband's eyes and heard him take his last two breaths just before 6am today.  And just like that.  He's gone.  They filled out a death certificate... Feb 3, 2012 at 6:15am.

I'm just not quite ready for the funeral home to take his body away too...

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Avatar universal
by jules2551, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka...I am soo sorry!  I don't know what to say.  

((((((((((((((Jules)))))))))) xoxoxoxo

Avatar universal
by child24angel, Feb 03, 2012

Surrounding you with cyber hugs.

Love and hugs

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by lapis, Feb 03, 2012
Oh my, dear Eureka, I'm lost for words.  It was merciful to increase the pain med and anxiety meds.  How important that you were there with him in these last moments, holding his hand, looking into his eyes, allowing him to leave this planet bathed in your love.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  Love love love and hugs to you and your son.  I'm so sorry.


Avatar universal
by JasmineT, Feb 03, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss eureka.  You and your family are in my prayers.  A very sad end to a long hard battle for health.

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by James10500, Feb 03, 2012
I am very sorry for your loss.


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by hrsepwrguy, Feb 03, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((((( )))))

Avatar universal
by willbb, Feb 03, 2012
My deepest sympathies to you and your family Eureka.. Thinking about you as always during this difficult time.


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by flcyclist, Feb 03, 2012
So sorry for your loss Eureka.  Your family here is with you in spirit.  

Avatar universal
by mikesimon, Feb 03, 2012
My heart is with you Eureka.

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by Dee1956, Feb 03, 2012
Dear S, so very very sorry for your loss, also so glad that Hospice was with you to provide comfort for him and you..  My heart is breaking for you.  I send you all my love and prayers
You have been a shining example of how to love someone how to care for them.  We are all thinking of you.  You are very special to me.

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by doncheery, Feb 03, 2012
So very sorry for your loss.

Avatar universal
by Gerbils, Feb 03, 2012
Dear Eureka,
I agree with Dee, you are a shining example. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
Take care,

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by HectorSF, Feb 03, 2012

I am so very saddened to hear that you have lost your loving husband.
You and your son are both on my mind and in my heart.

Love ♥

Avatar universal
by Willy50, Feb 03, 2012
I'm so sorry.  I'm glad that hospice was there.  
You were there.  You were always there for him.  You are in my thoughts.


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by nygirl7, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka that broke my heart I am so heart broken for you and your son.
You have been an amazing wife, I am so terribly sorry you are going through this.
As someone told me when my husband died, it will take time but one day you will breathe again.  I know it seems impossible to believe right now but it will happen. Just do what you have to to get through each day.

I am just so sorry this has happened.


Avatar universal
by stormy456, Feb 03, 2012
Love and peace to you and your son.  What a loving wife you were, and how fortunate that you were with him to the end.  Blessings to you.     Stormy

Avatar universal
by aheart, Feb 03, 2012
Oh my dear, I don't know you but I know that final farewell and the helplessness and pain that comes to us as they slip into their final peace. I am so sorry for your loss. You did exactly what he needed you to do, you always be together in your heart. My prayers for peace.

Avatar universal
by carmencita305, Feb 03, 2012
You were a hero like your husband was too in this long and hard battle.We all are so sorry!! You did everything that could be  possible.You also were  there in the his last  moments  and that is verry important.Your husband  suffered  and stuggled so much .Maybe now he find the  peace .
Take care of you,

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by hcvJames, Feb 03, 2012
I cry. This is just too heartbreaking. My condolences.

Avatar universal
by meakea, Feb 03, 2012
I am so very sorry for your loss.  You are in my thoughts and prayers today.  

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by margypops, Feb 03, 2012
So sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you ...marg

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by Boobert, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure he is smiling now. He was very blessed to have a wife like you. Stay strong and God Bless.


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by belle19, Feb 03, 2012
eureka, i'm so very sorry for your loss.  your husband fought a great battle with you be his side to comfort him.  i pray you and your family get thru this trying time.  sending you prayers and hugs!!  remember he's out of his pain now.  belle
p.s. have you ever watched i survived...beyond and back?  it's on sunday evenings on the biography channel.  it's a very inspiring show.  know that he's in a better place.

Avatar universal
by aj7538, Feb 03, 2012
So deeply sorry for your loss. You are an amazing person, and I am sending u prayers and hugs  .

Avatar universal
by screaming48, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka I am so very sorry and heartbroken for you, your husband was so blessed to have you for his caregiver, wife and friend.His struggle is over now and there is no more pain.These verses from Revelations have helped me so very much when I have lost loved ones.

And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them and be their God.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow or crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said write for these things are true and faithful.
And he said unto me, It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things, and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

I hold on to these versus for the day is coming when there will be no more pain, tears, or sorrow.
Eureka I hold you and your son close in my thoughts and prayers and pray that God be with you and the strength that he gives with his love sustain you.

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by pooh55811, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka, I am so sorry for your loss and I send my deepest sympathies to you and your family. My thoughts are with you.


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by suezeeque, Feb 03, 2012
Reading some of your other journal entries, there can be no doubt that you were the best everything you could be.  I hope that for even a brief moment, your husband had some joy in that last car ride...  Our hearts and prayers are with you.  What an amazing person you are...  I'm made to want to be a better wife...  By your example...

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by his3707, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka, Im feeling so sad  

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by Grandmajane420, Feb 03, 2012
You are a brave loving Soul

no words can express the feelings of this time.

Bless You and your Son  

Avatar universal
by Susan_1a_CC, Feb 03, 2012
My heart goes out to you...

With sympathy and understanding,

Avatar universal
by Aquisi, Feb 03, 2012
My deepest condolences to you Eureka, you'll be in my thoughts..


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by ArthursMom, Feb 03, 2012
I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have been such an inspiration.  Please let others help you now.  Take care, dear.

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by orphanedhawk, Feb 03, 2012
My heart sings a song without words sending support to you on silent wings.


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by Bill1954, Feb 03, 2012
I’m so sorry, Eureka. I imagine you were as prepared for this as anyone could hope to be, and yet I’m sure it will take some time yet for the finality of everything to sink in.

Take comfort with the knowledge that any suffering is past now. Try to rest now, and don’t forget to eat and take care of yourself when you catch your breath.  

With great regards and respect-


Avatar universal
by can-do-man, Feb 03, 2012
Sorry Eureka, every man should be so lucky to have such a loving and caring wife. RIP Mr. Eureka...

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by desrt, Feb 03, 2012
My thoughts and prayers remain with you. Take care of yourself.


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by fretboard, Feb 03, 2012
Sounds like it was so very painful for all concerned.  That is just terrible.  He was very fortunate to have you by his side holding his hand.  Liver Disease is so cruel and relentless, he is in a better place now.  May he RIP.  God Bless!

Avatar universal
by evangelin, Feb 03, 2012
I feel so locked up for words.  I know,and have known,that I will probably out live Joe, and I just hope I can have half the grace you have had facing that time.  
You are well loved and admired by many people and your character in adversity is far above average.  If I was to pick a jewel for you, it would be a ruby. You are a rare and wonderful lady.

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by LookingForward12, Feb 03, 2012
My deepest sympathies to you and our family.

Avatar universal
by indy531, Feb 03, 2012
Mr. Eureka and you fought the good fight and have inspired me to keep going. May His peace surround you now, take time to comfort and rest yourself. I am so sorry for your loss, but I have also been touched by your compassion and humor. God Bless.

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by frijole, Feb 03, 2012
eureka, I am so very sory.  How do you prepare for this end that we will all reach.  I have appreciated your openness through all that you have gone through for so many years.  My deepest sympathy

Avatar universal
by SusieS2010, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka, I am sending condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family our in our thoughts and prayers.

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by Emily_MHManager, Feb 03, 2012
I'm so sorry for your loss, and you and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers.  If you need anything, please let us know.


Avatar universal
by jsf52, Feb 03, 2012
My heart goes out to you and your family.  I am so sorry for your loss.  You are in my prayers and thoughts.


Avatar universal
by 10356, Feb 03, 2012
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Dear Husband.. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. lesa

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by dominosarah, Feb 03, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss~~~sara

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by babs824, Feb 03, 2012
oh my dear; what an angel u are and have been. even to keeping us posted at this unimaginable time. i ache and weep for u as i send u courage and strength to put one foot in front of the next. soooooo sad. love, babs

Avatar universal
by selfinduced, Feb 03, 2012
Saying a prayer now. Peace to you and your family.xx

Avatar universal
by OdinLovesLife, Feb 03, 2012
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Though the passing away of our loved ones is never timely, they live on in our hearts and minds. They stay beside us in proportion to the love we shared with them. At first this is a painful thing, yet, what time takes with one hand it grants with another and we gradually find that sadness and longing fades to reveal love alone. For you who have done so much more than most, that legacy will surely be granted in the form of the finest inner companion any person can wish for.

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by charm27, Feb 03, 2012
Dear Eureka --

My sincere conddolences go out to you and your son. I am so so sorry that you have lost your husband. I wish you all peace, love and the strength to be strong and to move forward.

He was the luckiest man to have you, your strength and determination have showed us all how strong we can be.

Im so sorry....
God will give you strength to get thru this sad and unreal time.


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by libzo2, Feb 03, 2012
You danced in the kitchen.  How can this be?  Your children revived him.  He wanted to go in the car.  How can he be gone?  I prayed and prayed.  I am so sorry for your family's loss.  I hope he comes to you in your dreams.  You are a rich woman.  You have a gift, of words.  You need to share more.  We need to be your silent witnesses.  It is scary to watch, through your precious thoughts, a demise we are all vulnerable to also.  Your generosity of spirit and openess of heart struck so many cords in our own kecaphony of struggle.  Thank you Eureka.  

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by Kathy73, Feb 03, 2012
My heart has broken at your news. I'm so sorry...

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by gene53, Feb 03, 2012

So sorry to hear of your loss.  Prayers are with you and your son.

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by R Glass, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had something profound to say that would help ease your pain. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. Love, Ricky.

Avatar universal
by ejoli, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka,      Your husband was lucky to have you. He was surrounded by a lot of love.....Take care now.
                                                             Deepest Sympathies ,    -Libby

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by ceecee444, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka, I am so sorry for your loss, I'm crying as I type this it just breaks my heart, Sending faith and love to you and your family. Hugs.


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by EyesofBlue55, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka  I am so sorry for your loss.He was a lucky man to have had you by his side.Rest assured there is no more pain.He is at peace now,watching over you and your son  Love and hugs to you  cindy

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by beeblessed, Feb 03, 2012
Eureka.......I love what Odin has written for you.  I also echo the sentiments of everyone here.  Be gentle with yourself.  There are no more words, so I hope you can close your eyes and feel the embrace of everyone in this forum.

Blessings and strength,

Avatar universal
by RCM829, Feb 03, 2012
Dear Eureka,
I've been checking in  frequently at MH because I knew this was coming and in some odd and faraway manner wanted to be there for you when it happened. Still I am shocked and so very saddened.
When I was younger and someone incredibly close to me was dieing, I told them that they just couldn't leave me. They replied, knowingly, "but I will always be with you." And they are. Your husband will always be with you eureka.
Soulmates really are forever.
With so much respect, admiration and love,

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by GoofyDad, Feb 04, 2012
I'm so sorrry Eureka. We are with you.

Avatar universal
by Vannh9, Feb 04, 2012

Thank you for sharing your brave and courageous journey with us. You and your husband fought extremely hard and did so with such grace. God bless you and know that there are many praying for you.

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by leebambee, Feb 04, 2012
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have strong support and love from family and friends to get you through this difficult time. You and your son have my sincerest condolences.

Avatar universal
by spectda, Feb 04, 2012
Hi Eureka-
I am very sad to hear of your husbands passing. He was very lucky to have such a loving, caring person as you beside him.
peace and love,

Avatar universal
by candyce1953, Feb 04, 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss in your husbands passing.
I hope you can find peace in his resting with God
Much Love and support Candyce

Avatar universal
by OC, Feb 04, 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss!


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by starshine1ca, Feb 04, 2012
Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you and your family at this difficult time, Eureka.   My heart is so saddened this illness has taken another wonderful person from this earth.  He fought so hard and my heart truly aches for you.  I send you Angels to watch over you through the next few days ahead of you.   I am sooo very sorry.  

God bless you, Anita

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by katla, Feb 04, 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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by paen53, Feb 04, 2012

No words forthcoming, but the tears flow in earnest....

So many of us - old timers and new - come together to share your heartbreak.


Avatar universal
by Anne1717, Feb 04, 2012
Hi Eureka, I am so sorry you lost your husband after such a long and hard fight.  You have been such a supportive, loyal and loving wife and inspiration for us all.  You are a brave lady. I know some day the pain will ease and you will embrace  the good times.  We all love you and extend our deepest sympathies to you and your family.

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by Diane1186, Feb 04, 2012
Words are never enough when one looses a loved one.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Remember the good times, and be sure to take care of your self.  Blessings to you and your son.   Diane

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by Dannigirl69, Feb 05, 2012
Hugs,sometimes saying nothing when this kind of sadness happens just sending hugs and love your way..

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by Kristina538, Feb 09, 2012
Blessings to you and your boy Eureka.  Your family has fought such a battle and are a shining example to us all of love and caring.  I hope the good memories can shine above the pain and you can both heal a little together knowing how much you have done to ease the difficult times; especially after the traumatic surreal events you've gone through of late.  Hugz.

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by Dee1956, Feb 09, 2012
Dear E, thinking about you and your husband who fought so hard to stay with you, your children and grandchildren.
I pray for you all every morning as I am sure others do
Hope and a prayer, as Dani said, lots of cyber hugs are coming your way (((()))))

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by rpooo, Feb 15, 2012
Eureka I am so very sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family.


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by eureka254, Feb 15, 2012
Thank you all ... each and every one of you... for the outpouring of compassion and prayers. I'm rather at a loss for words... but you all have touched my heart so.

Services were last Tuesday, and it was beautiful and amazing to see over a hundred people from the last twenty-five years and more of our lives come to celebrate my husband's life... rather indescribable... like the ethereal scent of the hundreds of flowers still lingering on here at home... the fading blooms and falling petals are like echos of love and loss... unto dust thou shalt return...

My son left to return to Alabama Monday... yesterday was a difficult day, but today is better... though it's hard not to ache looking toward tomorrow, as Feb 16th marks our wedding anniversary.  The first of many such days without my beloved, but it's how life is ... time marches on.

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by flcyclist, Feb 15, 2012
I've been thinking of you frequently, wondering how you're doing.  Thanks for stopping in to share these personal thoughts.  Big hugs to you Eureka.  

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by belle19, Feb 15, 2012
i was thinking of you yesterday as it was valentine's day.  now i read that tomorrow is your anniversary.  be strong brave girl.  you can make thru these difficult times.  we're all here for you.  god bless you.  belle

Avatar universal
by willbb, Feb 15, 2012
Thank you for posting how you are doing Eureka. Been thinking about you also lately and my wishes are for less ache in your heart as the days pass.

We are all here for you...


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by orphanedhawk, Feb 15, 2012
Thankyou wonderful Eureka.

Your strength and clarity are an inspiration to all~


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by cieritaqt, Feb 15, 2012
Eureka, I have read your journal entries in the past few months. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain, and I admire your strength and for sharing your feelings with us. I pray for you and your family. Love, Ciera

Avatar universal
by mikesimon, Feb 15, 2012
It's so nice to hear from you Eureka.
Thanks for sharing with us.

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by margypops, Feb 15, 2012
Eureka Thank you for sharing with us , I dont know you , well maybe I do as I have read your journals ..I too admire the way you looked after your husband, I feel you are an inspiration and I am sure a comfort to many who may be going through similar ....Marg

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by fretboard, Feb 15, 2012
Glad to hear from you, it's good to know that you're still suiting up and showing up and taking one day at a time to get through this.  You are amazing and inspirational to all.  God Bless.

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by ceecee444, Feb 15, 2012
Thank you for taking the time to respond back to us all we know that past couple of weeks have been hard on you and you have been on my mind. I was just praying all is OK.You are one amazing woman with great strength, I wish you well, peace and love.

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by Revalation, Feb 15, 2012
God Bless You


Avatar universal
by evangelin, Feb 15, 2012
((((Hello  Eureka))))

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by charm27, Feb 15, 2012
Dearest Eureka --

So glad to hear from you. We are all with you in prayers.

God Bless .

Thank you for taking this difficult time to correspond with us again.

We all love you.- Im so sorry for all that has transpired. So sorry.


Avatar universal
by screaming48, Feb 16, 2012
Dear Eureka it amazes me that you still in your pain take the time to post here. Today is your anniversary and it will be a sad one for you. You are still in my heart, thoughts and prayers.. hug.. anne

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by Grandmajane420, Feb 16, 2012
You are truly an inspiration. Your story inspired a conversation between me and my husband. As I'm sure I kind of knew how he must be feeling, I did not know to what extent, he expressed to me his pain in my struggle with health. He cried with me about the feelings of loss he would have should I meet my maker. To see him in such pain really brought a knew light for me.
I thank you so much for sharing your pain and loss, for opening my eyes to the struggles my husband faces everyday!

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by suezeeque, Feb 16, 2012
I hope that you are able to celebrate your marriage today through happy memories.  I've been thinking about you.  Thanks for checking in here.


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by Kathy73, Feb 16, 2012
I've been thinking and praying for you and your family Eurkea. Thank you so much for taking the time to let us know how you are doing. My niece's 1st wedding anniversary is also today. My hope is for her to have a measure of all the wonderful years you had with your husband.

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by GoofyDad, Feb 17, 2012
Thanks for letting us know how you are. Take good care.

Avatar universal
by RCM829, Feb 17, 2012
Such a treat to hear from you. We've all been thinking of you so much. The pictures of your husband were such a welcome addition to your profile. Thank you so much for posting them.
With warm wishes for everything good for you today and beyond...

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by ninjamonkey, Feb 22, 2012
Just want you to know your in my thoughts and prayers!

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by IAmTheWalrus, Mar 15, 2012
I have been away from the forum and not checking in until lately. Late sums it up. I am so sorry. I guess we all knew this was coming but I did not think it would take him so soon. I suppose that is merciful in the end. I can't tell you how much I admire you or how bad I feel about your loss. I think your husband must have been quite something and I wish I could have met him.

Hope you are left with nothing but fond memories to comfort you.


Avatar universal
by Trish77, Mar 27, 2012
I am devastated to come in here to catch up only to see this.  I did not at all expect to read this and did not at all expect this to happen this fast....indeed, still held out that sliver of hope that the meds would help beat the odds.  I am so very sorry this was not the case.  I agree with Walrus with a slight upgrade....I know your husband was quite something, unique and one of a kind....just like the love of his life.  It has been an honour that you have shared him with us in the ways we have been privileged to know of him.  

My dear, in my culture, the highest honour one can pay is for our Pipers to play the tribute at someone's passing.  This is from the Edinburgh Military the end, the Lone Piper plays a tune called "Sleep Dearie, Sleep".  It was played at JFK's funeral and is often played by Scottish regiments as a "Lights Out" tune...seems oddly fitting.  In honour of your hubbie, dear one.  

Thinking of you and I'll be in touch.


Avatar universal
by Ginamcmahon, Oct 25, 2017
I was just looking up morphine and lorazepam interactions and somehow stumbled upon this story. My father has lung cancer (Mesothelioma) and is on Hospice. However he is still able to move around. He still walks, gets himself to the restroom and enjoys getting out of the house. I’m scarred to keep giving him this drug cocktail. Especially increasing the dosage.

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