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enemy atlarge

Mar 18, 2012 - 5 comments

Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.

It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.

The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.

And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitude I have for the loyalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.
Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice

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by akitagurl12, Apr 11, 2012
Hi, i just wanted to comment on this because i think it is awesome what you wrote here.  Have you shared this at all besides here?  I think reading this would really make someone considering relapsing to consider twice because reading this really describes the truth about what we are dealing with. Loved it:)

Avatar universal
by Bad Co, Apr 16, 2012
This is a very powerful set of words. I'm sitting at my desk at work, fighting back tears. This is too true and real. I haven't been truly "moved" too often in the past 15 years due to my numb state, but this actually shook me. Rattled, might be the better word. It states every destructive trait have possessed over the past decade and half. I have backed myself into such a corner that I am shocked that I have anyone at all in my life today.

Thank you for bringing these words to life and giving me something to remind where I was and where I want to be.

Flat out impressive!

Bad Co.

Avatar universal
by ROSYouralright, Dec 11, 2013
I am going to share this on my journal as well. Everyone needs to see it! THANK you for SHARING!

Avatar universal
by staticage, Jan 13, 2014
Been awhile man..Kinda needed to read again,and again..Good to see you doing well...Thanx from Florida.

Avatar universal
by Spike2654, Jan 24, 2014
Wow. Just wow. I needed to read this today, as I sit here wanting nothing more than a pain pill or twelve to make this awful feeling go away. This reminds me of why I'm done with this demon. Thank you.

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