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My journey with infertility, pregnancy and loss.

Mar 23, 2012 - 3 comments










Hi All,

A little about me first...I'm 36 years old, I've been married to my DH for 13 years this year.  We have one beautiful 6 year old daughter.  This is the story of where we've been, how we got there and what we are doing next.

I'm going to start back at the beginning, way back in 2003.  That is when we first started TTC.  I was young (relatively speaking, I was 27), naive, and finally ready to start a family with my DH.  We'd been married 4 years at that time.  Our very first "try" was January 2003, and I was so confident we'd be lucky straight out of the gate.  I even convinced myself that I could see two lines on the test when my period was one day late.  When AF came the next day I was crushed and cried.  I was so disappointed by that failure that it took me until June 2003 to even want to try again.  I promised myself that time that no matter what, I was not going to cry ever again about a failed cycle, and I was true to my word until this past cycle, almost 9 years later.  I'll tell that story a little later.

After TTC on our own for nearly a year, we started to get some testing done.  I have always had somewhat irregular cycles, going between 22-29 days, but all of my tests have always turned out normal.  DH had a semen analysis done which showed that he had some morphology (shape of the sperm) issues.  We got referred to a fertility clinic after 18 months of trying and had more testing done, which confirmed that our issues were indeed only male factor.  We kept TTC on our own but had plans with the RE to move forward with medicated IUI's.  That was in March 2005. We planned on doing our first IUI in May 2005.  I went on vacation with my best friend at the beginning of April to relax before the treatments were started, and when I got home DH and I made the best of the time we had left that month because we knew the next month would be the start of major schedules and timing and doctor ordered BDing.  Because I hadn't been tracking anything at all that cycle and because I'd always had a range in my cycle lengths, I didn't realize it at first when AF appeared to be late.  It was the first Friday in May when finally pulled out my calendar and decided that I would test on the following Monday if AF hadn't arrived.  That would put me on CD34, longer than any other cycle I'd had since I'd started tracking my cycles.  I bought a twin pack of hpts on the Sunday, which happened to be Mother's Day.  I took the hpt the next morning, Monday, May 9, 2005.  I got the shock of my life when two very pink lines appeared.  I was in absolute disbelief because we were waiting on AF to arrive so that we could start doing fertility treatments.  On our 26th cycle of TTC, AF never arrived.  We had somehow managed to conceive naturally.  I had a very good pregnancy with lots of morning sickness, but I was not about to complain about anything!  Our beautiful miracle daughter arrived on January 12th, 2006.

When my cycles returned in September, 2006, 9 months after our DD was born, we started TTC our second.  Because we had a baby who it took over 2 years to conceive we weren't really in too much of a hurry and didn't begin to worry about the length of time it was taking until we passed the 2 year mark.  We started to take it a little more seriously then, and got referred back to the fertility clinic for more testing.  The male factor issues were still present worse than they'd been before.  We knew this time that we would need to have assistance in getting pregnant, and we went for our first IUI in April 2011, 6 years after I'd miraculously conceived our DD.  That IUI and our next in May 2011 both failed, with post wash semen counts of 8 million with 3% normal morph and then 6 million with 1% normal morph.  Due to vacations and scheduling conflicts, we took most of the rest of the year off of trying and did our 3rd IUI in Dec 2011.  It too failed, with a post wash count of 6 million and 1% normal morph.  With the Christmas and New Years breaks, we missed the cycle in January, and went on Feb. 1st for our 4th IUI.  We'd already decided if it failed that we would go on the waiting list for IVF.  In prep for the IVF, my last two IUI's were done with clomid, ultrasound monitoring and hcg triggers.  Although my DH still had a morphology of only 1% the post wash this time had over 13 million sperm.

I tested out the trigger shot until the tests were completely negative, at 8dpiui.  On 10dpiui I saw a very, very faint line returning and over the next 4 days watched it darken until there was no doubt that this was my long awaited BFP.  At 18 and 20dpiui I went for bHCG levels and they more than doubled in 48 hours.  I was so happy that I did a little dance around the room.  On March 2nd, at 6 weeks, I went for my first ultrasound to check to see if how many little beings we'd made.  There was only one little bean in there, with a beating heart of 110bpm, unfortunately growing high up in my right fallopian tube.  In just a matter of minutes I went from being happily pregnant to being in serious danger due to an ectopic pregnancy.  It was the first time in over 8 years on this road of infertility that I cried.  We were absolutely devastated that our hard fought for pregnancy was going to have to be so cruelly ripped away from us.  

I went in for surgery that night, and although they tried to removed the embryo without taking the tube, it started to bleed out so badly that they couldn't save it.  I woke up from the surgery, in minor physical and major emotional pain.  I recovered very well physically from the surgery, but was and still am so very sad that we had this loss.  I'm determined to keep going though.  

I've had an ultrasound since the surgery because my beta levels didn't appear to be dropping, but everything looks fine with my uterus and remaining tube, so I'll just have to be patient while my body continues to recover.  When my cycle returns again I will be going in for my third HSG dye test to ensure that my left tube is okay.  So long as it is, we will go back to the fertility clinic and start all over again.  Because we did have success with an IUI we will do the same thing again for three more tries.  We have the same plan, if those three fail then we will go on the waiting list for IVF.

I'm looking forward to making new friends and to use my experiences to help others make sense of the road they find themselves on.

Good Luck to all!

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1636472 tn?1439182988
by beddajess, Mar 23, 2012
Wow your story is truly amazing!! I am so sorry for your loss :'(. I cannot even imagine your pain. You have been through so much! It is amazing to hear that you conceived naturally though. I have heard stories like that before and always hoped that would happen for me but not yet. I really appreciate you sharing your story with all of us ladies on here. It helps give us hope and it brings your journey to the light so that we can compare our own experiences and maybe make sense of the battle.

Thanks so much and I am so glad to have made you a new friend =)

SSBD to all!! xoxo

1519983 tn?1401046428
by cabayer11, Apr 18, 2012
I'm so hoping that you have a great next cycle of IUI. God has a plan and it will all work out for you and your family. I truly believe that. SSBD your way. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep me posted.

Avatar universal
by Echo30, Apr 20, 2012
I read your story and can relate to so much of it, of course its not EXACTLY the same, but I had an ectopic in 2005 and wanted to let you know that I conceived my daughter 6mths later with my one right tube.  I am no longer with my ex husband but I have found the most amazing man and we've been together for 5 years now...anyways, we've been ttc for 13mth after my tubal reversal, with nothing to show but a chemical pregnancy last October, I was heartbroken and cried for days and even months after that at the utter hopelessness I felt. I didn't think I'd ever get back to the point of finding the strength to keep going. But I'm slowly finding the power again to keep trying and looking probably trying another IUI next month (our first was unsuccessful) and if that doesn't work I'll be going on to IVF probably around August/September so it sounds like we're on the same path! I'd love to keep in touch along the way, and just wanted to say I know how what you're going through and we can still have hope!!!  

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