Dec 19, 2008
On Wednesday, I met with a cardiothoracic surgeon at the University of Washington to discuss the large mass in my lungs. Dr. Wood was 90% certainty that the mass is something called a carcinoid tumor, and IS a form of low-grade cancer. Usually, this type of cancer is cured by surgery, however, due to the present condition of my lungs and other health factors, it's possible that I won't be able to do the surgery. Dr. Wood discussed some other possibilities, but again the risks might be too difficult. It's very possible that nothing can be done, in which case I will die from the cancer.
I'm angry, scared and depressed. I'm trying to deal with the pain, and the emotional toll this has had on me. I'm on high doses of pain medication, but they don't really take the pain away, though they do take the edge of a bit. I guess I'm also in denial, I can't believe that this is happening to me
Despite being suicidal, I don't really want to die. I just want a normal, trauma-free, life. I'm working on ways to improve my health, which I've been lapse in doing for some time. I go in for some more tests on January 21, and will know more about what options are available at that time.