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VERY SCARED

Jan 14, 2009 - 0 comments

53854?1231973858
DEAR JOURNAL,
TODAY I HAVE BEEN JUS WORRYING NONE STOP ABOUT HOW MY BABY IS GOING TO BE. ILL NEVER FORGET THE WAY I FELT WHEN I FOUND OUT 3 YEARS AGO MY BABY WAS AN ECTOPIC AND I WAS GONNA LOOSE IT....AND I WILL NEVER FORGER THE CONSTANT PAIN ME AND ANGEL WENT THROUGH TRYING AND TRYING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY AND EVERYTIME NOTHING WORKING.
AN NOW FINALLY I GET A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST AND THEY CANT FIND MY BABY IN MY UTERUS.....I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO CRY OR NOT.IM TRYING SUPER HARD TO STAY STRONG AND THINK THA BEST,BUT THERES ALWAYS THAT THOUGHT IN THA BACK OF MY MIND WHAT IF. ANGEL TOOK ME TO MY APOINTMENT A FEW DAYS AGO I BELIEVE IT WAS THA 12TH AND THE LADY WHO DID THE ULTRASOUND MARKED THIS LITTLE BLACK DOT AS A "GESTATIONAL SAC" BUT WHEN I ASKED HER IF THAT WAS IT SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WASNT SURE THAT SHE CANT READ THA ULTRASOUNDS AND THAT IT WAS UP TO MY DOCTOR....THAT I COULD WAIT TIL THAT AFTERNOON TO CALL FOR MY RESULTS,I CALLED AND THEY SAID THEY DIDNT HAVE THEM . I WENT TO MY DOCTORS APOINTMENT YESTERDAY AND THEY GAVE ME A DIFFRENT DOCTOR! SHE WAS HORRIBLE!!!! I ASKED FOR MY RESULTS AN SHE HAD NOTHING!!!!! SHE JUS SAT THERE AN BASICLY TOLD ME THAT SHE IS GONNA TREAT ME LIKE IM HAVING AN ECTOPIC AND THAT UNTIL THEY SEE SOMETHING ITS AN ECTOPIC....SHE EVEN SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A SHOT TO KILL MY BABY! WHA A *****,I TOLD ANGEL WHEN I GOT HOME AND HE DIDNT REALLY EVEN SOUND UPSET I FEEL SO ALONE. MY MOM IS JUS SITTING THERE ALL HAPPY STILL REFUSEING TO UNDERSTAND THA SOMETHING COULD ME WRONG. SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT I CANT GET EXCITED UNTIL I KNW THAT EVERYTHING IS OK WITH MY BABY.....IMA PROBUBLY CRY ONCE I KNW ITS OK AND EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE ALRIGHT.EVERYDAY I TRY TO PRAY TO GOD TO HELP ME AND MAKE SURE EVERYTHINGS  OK.....AND U KNW ME I NEVER PRAY!!!!! BUT IM JUS SO TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW I DONT KNW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
                                                                                                         LA GREEN EYES
                                                        

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