Aug 30, 2012
I have been trying to stay so positive with this last IVF. It is hard knowing that if this doesn't work then it is game over for us. I am praying for a miracle. I went back to work today and it was challenging. One of the girls just found out she is pregnant. I am happy for her but I can't handle her complaining. People at work know that I have struggled in this area but have no idea what treatments I have had or the emotional roller coaster of infertility. It is crazy that I have planned out my life to have a family. I have done everything to try to get pregnant. And it just comes so easily for others. I am happy for her and don't want to feel anger or jealousy. She is a immature person and complains about everything in life. All the other employees were joking at lunch that this is gonna be a long 9 mths with her complaining. So I know it is not just me. I think it just hurts me on an emotional level. I had to keep from crying at work today.
Plus I have another friend whose baby shower is the day after my Beta test. I RSVP'd yes already. I am hoping I can make it through all this. I don't want my friends to think I am mad or hate them because I can't get pregnant. Mentally it is just the timing of all this that is the hardest.
I pray for the strength to get through this and not become bitter or angry. I want to just accept whatever the outcome may be and live my life to the fullest no matter what happens. I have already isolated myself on some level because of this and it isn't healthy.