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My crazy thoughts about infertility

Aug 31, 2012 - 5 comments

Well I had a little meltdown this evening.  Had to get some of my frustrations out.   Figured I might as well write them out and have some fun with it.  Feel free to add!

- I hate how the medications make me feel.   I am so bloated I couldn't find any comfortable pants to wear to work
      today    So I just said screw it and wore a skirt and open toe shoes  (against policy but who cares!)

-  I hate that sometimes I get sad and think my husband won't want me because I can't give him kids.  (even though
      he  is amazing and reassures me we are in this together and doesn't feel that way)

- If I was 10 years younger and was a crack ***** I would probably have 5 kids by now

- That there are people in this world who get pregnant so easy and decide to terminate

- How my brother-in-laws sister has a kid and doesn't care about him and is not a good parent to her child because
       she is selfish and puts her needs first.   (cops have threatened to take the child away if it things continue)

- That a day hasn't gone by in over 2 years that I haven't thought about "what if I never get pregnant"

- That I did everything right - I was a responsible kid, never did drugs, hardly drink, got a good job, married a great
    man, bought a house planning to have kids,  bought an SUV for my so called future children--- just to be told it may
    never happen.  

- I hate that none of my family and friends really know the heartache I have dealt with for 2 1/2 years and probably
      never will

- That if this doesn't work adoption is so expensive and it makes me feel like I have to purchase my child

- I hate how much pressure I feel on myself for this time to work knowing it is my last attempt.

Ok that is enough for now.  Just want to get all my negative thoughts out of my head so I can think only think happy positive thoughts for the next week!  

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by Risa615, Sep 05, 2012
Wow, I so understand! I can relate to this journal. Sending you baby dust that this is the one that works! This journey is so hard. Hugs!

Avatar universal
by yutezka, Sep 05, 2012
i can relate jenny, but keep a positive mind. Miracles do happen, just see my story, after 6 yrs of trying and failed IVF, it happened on it's own just when i was about to give up. I had the same thoughts as you do now, i thought it would never happened, and always felt that it was so unfair that others could have kids so easily and not care. We must have faith, i prayed, cried, prayed, and cried every single day for 6 yrs. I wish you the best and that you can have your little miracle as well. baby dust to you.

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by ladyonaquest, Sep 05, 2012
You are not alone! I feel the exact same way!!

Avatar universal
by jennydots14103, Sep 05, 2012
thanks... it felt good to just get this out in writing.   I work as a nurse practitioner and see patients and am always asked if I have kids and it is like a knife in my stomach everytime someone asks.    This one rude patient just flat out stated " oh I though you would be pregnant by now"   I have known this person for 2-3 yrs.   I couldn't believe she said that.  She has no idea the struggles I have been through.   I just smiled and said no not yet.   I wanted to scream after that and it led to me having a mental break later that day.  

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by LynnB9, Dec 30, 2012
I know you are taking a break and I completely understand how you were feeling as I was there myself. I just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that miracles can happen, when you are at your lowest point, prayers can be answered. Some times that last chance can bring you unimagined success.

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