All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

WHY ME????????

Jan 19, 2009 - 3 comments



withdrawel percocet


gastric bypass

I joined last night and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders my family knows about the pain and addiction but not anyone else and feels good to share with others who are or have gone through what i went through. i filled out the tracker thing but it will never have more than one day on it because of the surgeries. those surgeries scare me so bad because i am worried about abusing my meds again. i just don't understand how i can go from being able to always make things better and being a mostly good person to this.. I wish i would of never had that damn surgery and could of lost the weight like everyone else but i tried god knows how much i tried and i really thought it was my answer and things would get so much better for me. my starting weight was 375 now i weigh 148 and gotta get the tummy tuck because of all of the extra skin.I want to tell the doctors to not give me any pain medication but i do not want to hurt ither. what do i do? is life of addiction going to get easier? Why did this happen to me i ask this all the time. i got married at 17 and we have had to work real hard to make our marriage work. i had 3 children just 3 1/2 years apart. i keep a clean home heck i make cookies. I did have a great job but when my husband got hurt they had to let me go because my medical leave ran out and would of needed close to two years so i could take care of him. we have seen more hospitals, doctors and surgeries for my husband that i should get medical degree.LOL well now he is being med boarded and on tuesday he is going in for hopefully his last surgery. I had to put off my surgeries and dr visits till he is ok but i can not avoid them anymore because when he is out of the military we will have to pay for my children and i to continue to have ins and with me not working i dont think we will be able to afford it. so in another words i am pressed for time while we still have the ins. i know there is no guarantee in life that we will be given roses but i would just like to have a break. a break for a year with all my family and money just be ok.

Post a Comment
541953 tn?1262586226
by scaredmom330, Jan 19, 2009
welcome, that's alot of weight to lose. congrats!! my suggestion is when you do have your surgery and have pain meds give them to someone else to hold and dispense as prescribed. that way you have no way to take too will always have to fight the fight when it comes to pain might ask the doctor for something not narcotic, like ibeprohen 800,(sorry I know I spelled that wrong). I am so sorry you are under so much stress right now, but remember to take it one day at a time...get through your husband's surgery tomorrow. will be praying for both of you...keep posting and reading will met lots of wonderful people here to help and support you..we would never judges as most has been in your shoes...take care and be strong...

340590 tn?1290952141
by cathy5841, Jan 19, 2009
welcome to the forum.  you have found a place with lots of support.  i too will pray all goes well with your hubby tomorrow.  scaredmom is right, have someone hold your meds, so you can stay on track.  i had surgery on dec 22 and i am still on track cuz hubby has meds.  you can do  just need to make a plan and stick to it...

739147 tn?1232344699
by soldierswife007, Jan 19, 2009
Thank you for everything and yes i thought about it last night decided that i am going to have my husband hold them well not hold them lock them up in our cabinet. something that i can not get into. u know at one point in time i broke a plastic safe and a what he calls a tuff box(military box) to get into the medication so now they go into a gun cabinet. i just don't want to be anymore disappointing to him then i have already u know!!!! I begged and pleaded that before he came back from the hospital in tx to not bring home the meds but that was not fair seeing how badly he is hurt.i can't wait for him to get better i mean it is like being an alcoholic and working as a bar tender. not to mention i can not wait to get everything over with, with myself. u know they say "when life gives you lemons, make lemonaide" i keep coming up with grapfruit juice....BTW before i go Thank You scaredmom for the nice pat on the back about the weight loss... Terrysa

Post a Comment