Feb 10, 2009
I don't even know where to begin. My mother keeps Avery everyday except for Thursday (usually my MIL helps out on Thursday). Apparently my mother is bored and frustrated everyday keeping Avery but she didn't tell me about it until a couple weeks ago. She said that she wanted to take her to the library for some of the children's programs, enroll her in another gym class just like the one I take her to on Tuesday evenings and check out some other things for them to do when it is so cold outside. I thought that all of the above were great ideas. I agreed and told her I would check what time she could take Avery to gym class and she said she was going to call the library. I thought everything was ok and then she springs something else on me. She said she called this church near our house and they have this "Mother's Day Out" program that she could take Avery to from 9-1 two days a week. She would drop her off at 9 and pick her up at 1, basically it is a daycare. I told her I would have to think it over and talk to Shane (dh) about it. She got mad at me because I had to think about it. She told me that I was "abnormal, obsessive and crazy" for having to think about it. I said "Mom, Avery has never been dropped off anywhere except for family and it makes me nervous thinking about her being taken to a strange place". She went on ranting and raving once again stating that I was abnormal and obsessive. Avery is barely even old enough to go to this program. I said "can't we wait until she is older" and she got really mad and went off the deep end. It seems like my mom wants a break yet when I try to make life easier for her by arranging for other family members to watch her she gets mad about that too. I don't know if it is that she feels guilty for not watching her or that she really doesn't want anyone else to watch Avery but she doesn't want to either? My mom has always been the type that wants you to need her and then you need her and depend on her and then later she throws it back in your face. Apparently after talking to my brother (who sees our mother very little) figured this out years ago and got tired of her "game playing". I never really knew the real reason that he and his family spent little time with her until I had a long conversation with him last week. He said that he figured out a long time ago that our mother is very manipulative and controlling and as long as you do everything the way she wants and tow the line she is fine but the first time you try to make a decision that she doesn't like she goes off the deep end (which I am expereincing right now). She (my mother) seems a little jealous that I seem to have more "help" than she ever did. She always says I did everything myself, which is not completey true. My parents have always been together and still are so my dad was there. (My dh is out of town most of the week, every week). She seems to resent the fact that she or my MIL will watch Avery if I have an appointment or doctor visit to go to or occasionally go to dinner with a friend. My MIL is more that willing to help out but she works full-time. She told me last week that I was irresponsible (which was very hurtful) and I asked her to give me an example as to how I am irresponsible and she said because you don't mow your own lawn. Give me a break!! I do everything that she did (clean, cook, laundry, take care of all the finances including for dh's business and grocery shopping). She was just blowing smoke but it was hurtful!! So shoot me because we pay the neighbor to mow our lawn, I really don't think that makes me irresponsible. She also said some hurtful things about dh and she has never had any issues with him before. He is a good father, husband and provider. The worst thing that she could come up with is that he works too much!! Dh is fed up with her and mad that she called the MDO program without even asking us first. She has given me the silent treatment for 2 weeks now (barely speaks to me). I have a stomachache everyday because I don't know how her mood will be that particular day. I feel like the person that I knew as my mother has died and someone else took over. We were always super close and did almost everything together. I am worried about her. I feel like there is something wrong with her and my dad just makes excuses for her behavior. She told me that after this school year she is not watching Avery anymore and that she never wants to see us again after that. I am so hurt that I can't even put my feelings into words. Clearly she must have some kind of mental illness or something. This is not normal. I think that if I were to apologize (for what I don't know) that she might come around. I just feel like she should be apologizing to me, she hurt me soooooo much. A few background facts: she does take Zoloft and has for years and we do pay her to watch Avery. We don't expect her to work for free! I am also sad because it looks like I am going to have to quit my job in a few months (which I like) or put Avery in daycare-something that we really don't want to do but we will have to buy health insurance if I quit and health insurance is through the roof right now. Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated. Thanks ladies!