Jan 08, 2013
Well...today is day 8...didn't think I could ever make it this far...and still have thoughts of "can I still do this"...but I know I can if I have made it thru this far. Methadone destroyed my life....I'm not the same person I once was :( Not that I'm this terrible person or anything...I still take care of my kids, husband, home, pets etc....THANK GOD I don't have to try to work thru this. Impossible. Eight years on that crap has taken its toll on me, physically and emotionally. I weigh less than my 11 year old, and less than I did in high school...I'm 39...what's up with that? I know most ppl would say "you're lucky to be so thin"....but I don't wanna be "so thin"!! My husband is on me constantly to eat & gain weight. But I truly think methadone has taken away my desire for food and just to eat in general. Amazing how one medication can do so many things to your body over time.
I guess I have to ramble a little here to keep myself sane and occupied right now. Feel like I'm going nuts. I thought the withdrawals would be getting better by now....not happening though. I'm not sure why, but I'm not having some of the symptoms that it seems EVERYONE says they have...maybe I'm lucky in that aspect. Makes me curious if its just taking that long to get out of my body and it means I'll be in a longer than normal w/d? God I hope not. I haven't been dripping sweat like alot say they do, no diarrhea, no vomiting...and just one or two instances of nausea. So I guess we'll see how that plays out. I'm definitely getting hit with the insomnia...HARD! I haven't slept more than an hour or so a night since I started my goal. It's hard to stay positive when you just feel there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is different, and the posts I've read all are different. Some say the w/d lasts two weeks, some say a month or two. I'll settle for the two weeks though.....please and thank you!!! :) Be back later I'm sure :)