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why does my mother hate me?

Feb 06, 2013 - 1 comments













emotional abuse







When I was a child I always felt my mother had a split personality. She would either smother me with presents or be extremely cruel. You never knew what you were going to get. She was emotional and physically abusive. At different times I tried to tell people but no one believe me. To outsiders she was the perfect church-going mother. In reality, she was cruel, mean and selfish. If she did not get what she wanted she would threaten suicide or would resort to some form of blackmail – "I'll tell people this or that…"

While all this went on, I always had this sense that I did not belong. I don't know how to explain it but I did. I once asked my mother if I was adopted and she blew up at me. Her emotional abuse was the worst. I'd much rather have a fist to the face then her telling me what a piece of garbage I am. Anyway, the abuse continued and I moved out the day I turned 18. She continued to be mean and nasty and for some reason I always tolerated it. I think a part of me just wanted her to love me.

The abuse got worse as we both aged but I was always there for her. When I was in my 20s I started losing my hair. Rather than go with only hair in the back I started shaving my head. She of course was quick to point out how ugly I was and that I was only doing it to embarrass her, when it had nothing to do with her.

At any rate, as I got older I still questioned who I was. In 2010 I got a DNA sample from her side and had it compared to mine. It was a match. She was my mom. I did the same thing with my dad -- he had died in 2003, so I got it from a sibling of his. It was not a match. When I questioned my mother about it she feigned a heart attack at first and then began flipping out saying how I was destroying her life. When she calmed down she told me she had been raped. She said there was a series of rapes at that time and the person was never caught. She told me my dad was a serial rapist and told me to forget about it. I didn't.

I looked back at newspaper archives for clues and could find nothing to back up her story. I went to the police department and they were of no help and actually made me feel like an idiot for even bothering them with it.

I eventually hired a top DNA analyst – a lady who identified bones found at the Titanic wreckage site – to help me. She entered my Y DNA – my father's DNA -- into a number of databases and was able to eventually narrow it down to a couple generations back. Using this information I hired a PI and was eventually given a name to check out in 2012. It was a name I recognized. I had been in a relationship with the man's daughter when I was a teenager and he and his wife had been close friends of my parents when I was little.

I went to the mans daughter, explained the situation and convinced her to give me a DNA sample. I had it compared and it came back we were half-siblings. Her father was my father.

We went to her dad and he said he had an affair with my mother. They were both married but he was her carpool ride to work. One thing led to another. His wife did not know and the man who I had originally believed was my dad likely did not know. My mother had lied to me. Rather than admit her affair, she led me to believe I was the spawn of a serial rapist.

I confronted my mom and she told me how I was embarrassing her and ruining her life. It was all about her. She denied the affair and said she was raped. That was nonsense, because if she had, why would she have been such close friends with them when I was little? Worse yet, she knew, when I was a teen, that I was involved in a relationship with my own sister and said nothing.

At any rate, in September, some 6 months after I found out about my real dad, he was killed by a drunk driver. I got to know he was my dad for less than a year. My mom told everyone how happy she was he had died. I quit speaking to her and cut her out of my life. I had enough.

My mother has since done everything she can to harass me. She sends nasty letters – typed and unsigned – emails, tells lies about me, etc., etc. Threatens to have me arrested for elder abuse which makes no sense since I have nothing to do with her and have never abused her. She threatens to sue me over gifts she gave me when I was a child and says she will get me fired from my job. It's all totally ridicules.

The harassment recently escalated and I finally called the police. I explained the situation and gave them copies of everything I had received. She is now not allowed to contact me. We'll see if that works, though I doubt it. I am expecting things to only get worse.

My wife is afraid of my mother. She is scared my mother might do something rash like burn our home down or commit a murder suicide. I now carry a gun everywhere I go (yes I have a permit), I have a bullet-proof vest and had a security system installed in my home.

The worst part of all – my mother has me so brainwashed that at times I still feel guilty or bad for her. I should not feel that way. She did this and yet I feel bad about hating her. I just want her out of my life forever. The emotional pain is too much and I still don't know how to cope with it. She is the cruelest person I have ever encountered and, as much as it pains me to say it, I look forward to the day that she passes on.

Thanks for listening. It helped to get that out. Very few people know the extent of it.

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Avatar universal
by jellybean_gurlz, Feb 06, 2013
Hey,I hope you are dealing with this situation much,much better now than you've ever had before. Please realise that all this is NOT your fault at all. Don't blame yourself for what your mother feels about you.If anything, SHE has MAJOR psychological issues that stem from her own psyche,thus driving her to be this manic-depressive,manipulative woman who cares for no one really,but herself. She just used you as a tool to lash out because well,I take it there was no one else who's an easy target for her,especially considering you were really young and vulnerable at the height of this disaster. Note the keyword : easy target. There was no one else within the confinements of your own home that she could attack I suppose (from this post,I presume you're an only child and whenever your dad was at work or somewhere,she'd take the opportunity to be nasty. i could be wrong though). She didn't take it all out on your dad because she didn't want him to know at any cost,otherwise she would be even more screwed. So she chose you,thinking you were young and would never know better or catch on to what happened in the past. Essentially, I think deep down she was trying to bury the guilt from her own mistakes and in denial, did the things she did for she did not want to even fess up to her own self that she was to blame. Please,PLEASE don't trigger anymore inner turmoil within yourself by assuming what she always felt :- that you were the root of all problems. Because really,you're not. Now that you're all grown up, just try and get a restraining order or something. Do take care and I hope everything works for the best for you and your family.

The woman probably has been battling bipolar disorder or depression. Believe me, these things are the worst to ever happen to any human being; I will never wish them upon anyone. They set off a train of debilitating,toxic thoughts that can totally alter a person into a monster; like a chain reaction,sorta.

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