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TRYING TO GO ON WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST

Mar 04, 2009 - 16 comments
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hearts



How do you go on when all seems so lost. my ex put me in a mental hospital to break up with me cuz he didnt know how to do it any other way. He even saw here while i was in the hospital trying to pass a kidney stone on feb13 and then had the ******* balls to ask me if i minded if he went to the bar to practice pool on valentines day while i was still in the hospital.
Then when i got home on sunday he told me that i had to find a new place to live and i was so confused til he had me admitted into a psych ward then when they finally say i can get out he throws a hissy fit. I later found out that he lied to me and never had any intentions of ever letting me go back to his house he had packed my stuff the day i went in.
Then on friday i got released and he had to tell me the truth finally and that hurt so bad almost like it was just an every day thing now i am back at my parents where all the bull **** began and have no idea how to go on.
He tells me all the time that he wants to stay friends but each time i see him it breaks my heart that much more.
I have to go to the house because my niece or god daughter and brother still live there and he seems to get out of work before i xcan get out of the apartment.
My heart is breaking so much already he had someone lined up just waiting for me to go there and now my heart hurts so much i think i am going to die of a broken heart.Everytime i see him i just hurt so much more but i love my niece and refuse to let anyone come between me and my family
im sorry if i sound like a whine *** but this is the only place i know that i can express how i feel it seems so complicated and my heart feels so torn i just want to cry every minute of the day
THANX FOR LISTENING
Stephanie


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495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Mar 04, 2009
I know it feels like the end of the world right now.  This is a terrible heartache and you are going thru a grief process right now.  In time you will see that this was for the best.  You dont deserve to be treated the way you were.  Sending you comforting thoughts and a big hug...........sara

707438 tn?1240959640
by frustrated431, Mar 04, 2009
thanx for your kind words and understanding but right now i feel as if the world is crushing down on me and i cant do a thing about it i want it to be back the way it was and not have some other girl take my place in the only man i have ever truly loved hearrt

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Mar 04, 2009
I wished i could say something that would take your pain away.  Is he with someone else right now??

365714 tn?1292199108
by MJIthewriter, Mar 05, 2009
Just remember, this too shall pass... I asked someone in EA what to do about my pity parties and he said, accept that I'm feeling like I am and go with it rather than fight it. But he also empazed that whatever I was feeling won't last and to remember I will feel better eventually.

Whatever pain you feel will go away in its own time. It would be lovely if one of us could just take the pain away from everyone.  I wish it would be that easy.

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Mar 05, 2009
Good input MJ I have also found if you go along with the way you feel it helps, I  found it was worse when I allowed my thoughts to take over and go over and over it all in my mind, once I learnt to switch off I felt better,not always easy to do , but you can make a habit of it. Feel better soon frustrated try to be busy and dont think....this is a toughtime but it is only at this moment ,nothing stays the same,keep on writing it will help you,, xx

458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, Mar 05, 2009
I would say you need to take an inventory of your valuableness as a person. And you are just because you are you, Gods creation. When things like this happen, it makes our self esteem level plummet and some of us didn't have far for it to fall before it hit the floor, it was almost there already.

Take a while, say a day or 2 and grieve, then catch your thoughts and replace them with thoughts of you are valuable, God loves you, you are very important to Him, and life will go on, and you will be just fine without him, probably better, from the sounds of him.

I know I have times of feeling bad and having negative thoughts, and I have to stop it or else I will end up having myself the worst human being in the history of humans. This is something that no one else can do for us. We MUST do this ourselves.

You are not what or who someone else says you are. You define who and what you are. And you might miss this guy,  but from the sounds of it, you are better off by yourself than with this mean, uncaring, selfish person. I would look back at what you wrote, how he treated you, and read it from the perspective of reading something someone else wrote. And then think, "what would I advise them to do?" Would you advise them to cry and moan and feel sorry for themselves or get up, wipe themselves off and move on to a better life?

And just remember, you are valuable in Gods eyes, and that is all that matters in the long run anyway. See, I need to do what I just advised you to do(remember I am valuable in Gods eyes).

Take care......

458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, Mar 05, 2009
and one other thing, I would have my brother come to my house. I would not go back over there until you are able to see him without falling to pieces.  

707438 tn?1240959640
by frustrated431, Mar 05, 2009
thanx for all uyour input i am considering it all but i still feel kinda cheated out of something  and lost a year of my life to being with some one who just seemed to be looking for some one else all the time maybe it will work out for him this time i doubt it but one thing i know is that i am not going to sit around and pine away for him all that time i know i need to go on with my life but right now its killing me to even get out of bed or go to sleep without him complaining that im cold well kidding around but its all the little nice things that happened that i missed and at the same time i know that it was my fault he left after i got sick with the tumor i became a ***** to him and then it got worse even after the surgery i was so made that i had to have it and the blood stopped going to my brain for 4 seconds and the doctors say that could have done something to my mind but does he believe it no he is happy again now
he tells me he misses what i used to be and thinks i can never be that again but what he doesnt know is that i can i am just so confused right now
sorry to go on and on but some of this needed to come out for me to cope and find a away to move on
Stephanie

654560 tn?1331854581
by freebird227, Mar 05, 2009
Sometimes ....baby you gest have to give time .....time. When my husband went to prison, I felt like I had lost everything. In reality his going to prison freeded me up to get clean. His sentence had nothing to do with me but as long as he was around I had no reason to clean up.....with him gone .....It was a time for....... the first time in Debra's life that she  had to take responsibility for herself. I rose to the occasion and started moving forward a little at a time.For a very long time not believing that anything good was really going to happen. Walking in blind faith borrowing strength from others that believed in me and my recovery...and so life showed up and   IT WAS GOOD.
  Grief is necessary, but If you listen to those negative voices in your head for very long...you may get way way lost in a HUGH NON TRUTH.
  You do have worth, you are loveable, you are kind, you are gentle, you do have remorse,you are competent. Maybe you need to write your very own assets's  list and carry it with you and when you start beating yourself up--get the list out and read it.  In my prayers I shall lift you up for a super natural healing!!!!!!!!!( plus a little fairy dust )   Debra

365714 tn?1292199108
by MJIthewriter, Mar 06, 2009
It sounds like right now if he's expecting what you used to be, he's got unrealistic expectations.  We are ever changing and if he can't see that, then that's his problem. We can't look back and hope for what never was meant to be.

It hurts.  I believe that everyone we meet and get to know is for a reason.  It doesn't mean every relationship is going to last forever but for whatever reasons you needed him then and he may have needed you then too, but times have changed. Perhaps you can think about what positive things you have learned from the experience and hold onto those.

Perhaps now your Higher Power is trying to teach you how to walk on your own two feet independent of this man. It's hard to say what the future holds. Take it one day at a time and focus on what things you can do for yourself and improve your life.

Avatar universal
by Kalvinj, Mar 06, 2009
World is a marvelous place. When you have everything you don't seem to want any. But when you loose them you seem to be lost altogether. Life teaches us so many small things in a big way. Try to understand your inner glove and your inner abilities. Make use of your inner powers and inner abilities. Show your beauty. Show your talents. Start new, don’t loose hope. You are a special person. You have the beauty of a peacock and a heart of a Bull. You can fight your way back if you only start your life back.
Think of a person who looses her baby from Tsunami or who lost their loved ones from  World Trade center attack(US) They seem to recover, why not you. You are too valuable than what you think. Turn around the situation, Go to a beauty Pala, go to a diet center if you need, don’t let anyone stop you from achieving your goal.  Make use of your special ability and find a recreation to keep you active. Meet people, talk to them, and make friends. This is the best time to be, as you are free. Free like a bird. You can fly like one if you try. When you are born to this world you got to die. If you love somebody you got to leave them and go one day that is our destiny we bring to this world. Have a brave heart, time is a good healer. You will know it. May your dream come true.
God Bless.
KalvinJ


599170 tn?1300973893
by Cherie762, Mar 06, 2009
Stephanie/.........When one door closes ..many others open.

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Mar 06, 2009
Give your self time steph , its a matter of time after the grieving part you will srart to accept and feel better , you dont want to yet , thats what will come , one day a light bulb comes on in your head, you feel"normal' you want to move forward. Go with the flow let it happen, find solace in your writings...

Avatar universal
by bars, Mar 06, 2009
I think your doing well right now.  you took the time to find this site, and were able to write your feelings to others.  That is a very brave thing, smart too.  Yet I know what you are saying about the present pain, I went through something simular while going through a divorce.  Wish I could say something to lift some weight you feel, guess I can pray for you and will.  i can tell you that years later (now), I have found a place of peace and joy that I never knew was there.  I also know if I had not gone through what I did, I likely would not have found it.  Would never go back to were I was.  Best regards, truly, vb

Avatar universal
by karyn1234, Mar 06, 2009
there is some one out there for every one, he isnt sitting home crying dont you either, when my boy friend left im glad i had all my girl friends and my mom, you will always have your friends but youll always can find a boy friend,one door closer for another one to open, like to talk on the phone thats what helped me

479581 tn?1317757488
by dai3symae, Mar 06, 2009
(((((((((((steph))))))))))))

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