Apr 13, 2013
Lately I've been in the worst mood I have ever been in my entire life.
It's not just depression. I've just been completely apathetic to everything. I couldn't care any less about anybody else. I just feel as if I'm in this pit and I can't even hear anybody, so I don't care what they have to say. In a crowded room of people all I can hear is static and I just feel completely alone and I have never been so scared of existing in my own life.
It's gotten to the point where I've gone back to self-harming, and I honestly think that dying would be easier than this feeling.
My family doesn't understand a thing I tell them. They just act as if I'm the black sheep of the family. They don't listen to a word I say about trying to explain my bipolar disorder or my borderline personality disorder. I've tried so many times to explain it to them. I've printed out pages and pages of what it is, how to help support somebody with it, and why I act the way I do sometimes. They haven't read a word about it; they don't listen; they just yell at me when I'm in an agitated mood, and tell me to just get over it when I'm manic depressive. I can't just get over it. They don't support me in the slightest bit.
I feel as if my family doesn't want me around. They tell me all the time they don't. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so scared of living, and maybe death isn't so bad.