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For PJ, love, hugs, kisses, and prayers - Mom

Jul 19, 2013 - 22 comments

Something happened to me today.   First, my son Zack PJ's next younger brother, was filled with his brother's Spirit, and wanted him to tell me that none of us are to cry for him, that he is happy, and he wants the same for us.  He knows very much how upset i have been, and he does not like this.   Since this information was given me today, not only have I not shed a tear, I received a vision of a clear lidded jar with natural rolled rocks of all sizes and colors inside.  I was drawn to the right jars in the store, and took six (apparently I would be sharing these).  I was then guided to the bagged rocks, and chose two large ones: one with different colors, the other more natural.  I then chose 4 smaller bags of rolled rocks that are tiny and very colorful.  I then found eight 'peace' signs, small made of metal (these would go on top of the rocks in each jar before it was closed.  I went to the ribbon aisle, and allowed my intuition to continue to guide me, choosing green ribbon with dark pink tie-dye swirls on it.  As I was leaving the store with my  (PJ's) things, I picked up a rubber bracelet of our flag and Bless out troops.  This would go to Zack.  I also came across a hot pink bowl... very large, to mix the rocks in.  I filled all six jars while sitting in my car.  Then I found a Catholic Priest, whom I know would not turn me away.  He gladly blessed all my jars, in the name of Jesus, for PJ.  I allowed my family members at home to choose which was theirs, which they did.  PJ wanted us all to have something we could hold in our hands... Bless him.  I know this was him like I know I have two feet.  Amazing.  My jar sits near me now.  I have been informed that I do not have to leave the lid on, (and neither does anyone else who has one, and I told them this) we can take out the rocks to hold and look at, wear the peace sign if we want, have a rock wrapped in silver wire for a necklace, whatever we choose.  Somehow I think this is almost better than having remains.  You can't really hold ashes in your hands. And they are not put in clear jars for a reason.  This way, we have a thing of sacred beauty to look at and handle as we choose.  I feel almost totally relaxed about this... as if I have been shown how things are to happen, and this is not a path of fear.  It is one of much love and celebration of PJ's life.  I think I'm doing alright, for now, anyway.  Blessings.

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Avatar universal
by Heather8448, Jul 19, 2013
I am glad you have peace. We did something similar for my parents one idea is to put his picture on the outside of the jar.. A happy picture!!
My friends daughter passed in a tragic way we sell the jars hers have candles and she started a non profit to educate people on suicide...Another idea when you are ready
May you keep this peace

Avatar universal
by Vance2335, Jul 19, 2013
A true testament to the lord at work.

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by selmaS, Jul 19, 2013

Lovely way to be guided- glad u were open to hear the message <3

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by BluCrystal, Jul 19, 2013
I would say thank you, but here I think all Gratitude should go to Our Loving God, who looks over us all.  I honestly believe now that God takes extra special care of people like me.  Glory to God.  My son is in Heaven.  Amen.

Avatar universal
by Heather8448, Jul 19, 2013

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by ariley13, Jul 19, 2013
Blu, I am so glad that you have found a little peace in this hard time. What a wonderful gift. Now all his loved ones can have a concrete way to honor his memory. It sounds like the healing process has begun. Bless you and your family.

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by clean_in_ks, Jul 19, 2013
What a beautiful experience!!  I got goose bumps as I read have the most amazing spirit..and you are so receptive and creative.....I LOVE that about you.  Celebrating his life is SO important....and you're doing it...thank you for sharing this.....May blessings abound~ Connie

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by Beanie0, Jul 19, 2013
I felt very moved reading this.  God Bless You xx

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by evewisewoman, Jul 21, 2013
Hi Blu,

I'm sending you a big hug. I know what a difficult time this must be for you and your family.
Please know that I am thinking about you. Blessings, Eve

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by BluCrystal, Jul 21, 2013
Thank you, all, each and every one.  I no longer believe that no words can help when someone passes on.  Words from the mouths or keyboards of people who care about us are like words of comfort coming directly from God Himself.  Bless you, all.  You lift me up. - Blu

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by BluCrystal, Jul 22, 2013
Won't be around for a couple of days... time for celebration of life.  Blessings - Blu

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by Heather8448, Jul 22, 2013
Go celebrate!! We will be here when you get back :)

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by BluCrystal, Jul 26, 2013
Hello, All.  I am back and home from two ceremonies.  I have discovered it difficult in the extreme to actually CELEBRATE the loss of my son.  I did every little thing he asked me to (I believe in my own ability to communicate in small ways with family who has passed) : I got the rocks, the jars, the ribbon, filled the poster boards with his beautiful face, read from the Family Heirloom Bible, gathered family and friends wherever possible, played the songs, cried my heart right out.  Now here I sit, in the quiet, not knowing what it is I'm supposed to be doing with myself.  

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by clean_in_ks, Jul 26, 2013
Celebrating his way different from the concept of celebrating a loss...I've not ever heard of celebrating a loss.  The human spirit NEEDS to grieve...process the loss....the places that are empty now.  Only your memories can fill those empty spaces.....and you will ALWAYS miss and forever.  He just wants you (at some point) be able to continue embracing the joy and goodness in your life.  You will be able to.....but it will take time....and the heart wrenching pain that you feel when you think of him.....will lessen too.  I had to actually play songs....specific make the tears was cleansing and healing for me....and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve...we each do it in our own way and in our own time.  ((((HUGS)))) Blu......he would be so proud of all you've done~  

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by TheLightSeeker, Jul 26, 2013
Blu, my girl, you've done enough.
I'm so proud of you.
Now you can sit in quite contemplation and let the inner whispers come to you!

BIG ((((((HUGS))))))  and LOVE !

I'll message you later tonight.

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by BluCrystal, Jul 26, 2013
Okay.  Thank you both.

Avatar universal
by GreenButterfly906, Jul 31, 2013
I am sitting here so emotional on behalf of your family but especially you! I just saved my dad as the message was crstal clear, that If I didn't do the drive and manipulate, lie, beg, anything really, to get him to hospital he would die! So we drove over he looked worse then ever! He finally went, and ended up losing kidney function; therefore dialysis now! I feel like he is an alien to be now, not the same! I have lost a lot of people, but there is no greater pain then to lose a child! SOOO Sorry Blu!

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by BluCrystal, Jul 31, 2013
Thank you, Honey.  I'm getting a bit better with it day by day.  Not breaking down so much, finding simple things to do, going to work, taking warm showers, making and eating healthy foods... all because I can't just stop because someone died, not even if that person was my child.  I have the two corkboards with all his pictures right over my computer, so I can look at his smiling face whenever I want to.  I have a toy Hess Truck that I bought because he collected them.  Just lots of things, big and small, to remind me that I did NOT dream his life, that he was and is still here.  And I have stress-toys.  These are rubber balls/animals/silly critters, hollow, with fuzzy rubber 'hair'.  I have ALOT of them, and I fidget with them all the time.  I even have small ones I can take to work with me.  I just got a new one yesterday... not at all because I like the way it looks (a ball of goo with eyeballs in it - yuck), but because I like the way it FEELS: I can squeeze the crap out of it and it just goes back to its same shape.  Got a cross to hang on my wall that quotes all of Psalm 23, and a rosary hung over that, too.  I bought a purse that declares 'With God, all things are possible' - Mark 10:27.  Doing every possible thing to make myself feel like I'm NOT alone and that people DO love me.  As you can see, I am leaning a whole lot on my Christian religion.  You would think that I would blame God and reject Him for taking my son.  I don't see it that way.  I see it as God removing my son from a situation that no one knew was going on, so God brought him Home, where there is no pain, confusion, or any other negative thing that my PJ was going through.PJ is happy now.  And he wants me to go on living in happiness.  I am working on that. :'(

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by GreenButterfly906, Jul 31, 2013
To Heather, that is absolutely beautiful. Bless you!


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by GreenButterfly906, Aug 07, 2013
I truly hope you are able to greive and to heal! It is never suppost to be easy to lose, esp. a child! By heart and soul goes out to you right now! If you need a shoulder or someone to talk to, please message me! I feel I can help in someway!
God bless your family at this time!
Much love,

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by BluCrystal, Aug 08, 2013
Thank you, Luna.  Some days feel almost crystal clear, others I walk through a fog of agony.  I get sort of hopeful when I have that clarity, hoping that it will stay with me.  It doesn't.  But I have God and I have all of you.  Blessings - Blu

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by ROSYouralright, Aug 15, 2013
Very beautiful and how precious that you were led to peace! Its not those who passed over who suffer ~ its those of left behind.

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