Aug 07, 2013
Sadly and suddenly I find myself in the shoes of a person with a loved one who's hopelessly and presently addicted to crack cocaine, yet again. I was hoping those days were over a decade ago. Our daughter just came real close to 10 years clean- time in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. August 14th would have been her anniversary. But she met the wrong guy in the NA fellowship and started dating him. He was actually out using and just going to meetings to keep the courts happy. Next thing we know she's out using with him. In 6 weeks she lost custody of our granddaughter to her ex husband(which is okay), her real estate job, her entire bank account (and its now overdrawn to the max), and she also spent an entire student loan at the dope house. She stuck it to my ex who co-signed for the loan. Health wise she is now down to under 100lbs in weight. Emaciated and sickly. All in less than 6 weeks.
In NA we have a Spector that we always talk about "jails, institutions and death". It didn't take long for one of those to happen. Two mornings ago my daughter sent me a series of texts saying she can't stop using, she's lost everything and wants to die. She threatened suicide several times like "going to the store and getting a gun..." Then the texts suddenly stopped at that last threat. I called my daughters psychologist who told me it needs to be taken seriously and to get the police over to her house ASAP, and I did. We met them at the house and they brought her out kicking and screaming, high on crack, and took her to the hospital. This is where she is now, a ward of the state until she gets " better". But we know SHE is the one who has to want to get better. All this stay in the hospital is doing is putting her mind into a "clear" position for awhile, and we're hoping her years of good recovery will kick in and take back over again. But when she does get released, were powerless over what she decides to do. She's 39 years old. It's completely up to her if she lives or dies, it's also up to God what circumstances take place. I'm powerless over circumstances and WAY powerless over her disease. The 3-Cs in Al-anon that I've learned at the meetings: I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CONTROL it, and I can't CURE it. This also applies to the guy she was using with. He didn't do this. She did it in harmony with her addiction. As addicts, our addiction is our very own to deal with. We're stuck with whatever version we have. There are always upgrades available at the dope house. Our daughter's addiction was always advancing as she worked her recovery in NA. I'm personally shell shocked at how far her's has advanced.
I've seen many people die of both alcohol and drug addiction in my almost 31 years in (and out of) the fellowships. It's hard to fathom that my daughter is in this position. We're all going to visit her tonight- my ex, my daughter's ex, my wife... We're only allowed a one hour visit. She's in the phyc ward. I talk to her when she calls me on the pay phones they have in there. She wants her life back; her daughter, her job, her U of M tuition money that her NA friend helped her spend at the dope house... We just want HER back. We want our drug free, brilliant daughter of 6 weeks ago back. We hope and pray that's in God's plan.