Nov 13, 2007
Well, the time has finally come, the end of the academic year, time to jump of the pills. I need to make more specific plans for getting through the days and for dealing with cravings - been too busy with study thus far.
So there are no more pills in the house, I just flushed the last lot, and I have checked in all the usual places - it would not be nice to unexpectadly come accross them while having a bad craving.
I am feeling very happy and excited about being on holidays and also about being able to give my house a thourough clean, which I really enjoy doing. When the depression or apathy of detox starts to hit, I will try to lift my mood by thinking about these two things. I also have a few nice plans for the holidays, so I will focus on that. I remember from past experience that in detox that depression is soooo bad, it feels like a total indifference to everything good and pleasant in life - the only way I have learned to cope with that is to keep reminding myself its not a real thing, its due to neurotransmitter imblance, its an "induced" depression, just like the post pill euphoria was an induced euphoira.
Keeping busy - I have pretty much told everyone I am coming down with the flu, so I can freely stay at home and a) watch dvd's, a rare treat for me because of study b) do whatever level of housecleaning that I am up to c) lie in bed all day if I wish d) talk on the phone with friends. I can also go for walks or visit with my friend who is supporting me through this, I can be as unwell as I need to be around him, don't have to put on an act. Internet is another way to keep busy.
Physical unwellness - I have epsom salts and access to a bath - I have glutamine and tyrosine, magnesium and clacium, b complex, high dose vit C, anti histamine as a sleep aid and calmative. I don't have much food in the house so that can be the first task of the morning, go shopping (but my tummy is turning even at the thought of food, hate that forced eating during detox, even though I know it helps better than anything else).
I must change my waking up routine - no computer and coffee, too tied to pills, and waiting for the buzz or the relief to hit along with the caffeine. So I will try what I used to do in early recovery - cup of green tea, sit in the kitchen and write in my diary, make the bed, tidy house, shower, dressed, bfast, walk.
That's it for now, midnight, time for bed, when I wake up it will be to my first day clean. I feel scared more than excited at the moment.