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sorry for being unthougtful to you all.

Sep 16, 2013 - 13 comments
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sorry

,

YOU!

,

ALL



i said some things that i should nott have said.  i am so sorry. i ope i have not lost all my friends.  is is not me i dont kno what is happening,  i have never in mwhole life acted this way.  guess that is what happen when you get depression.  i am so unhappy.  i guess i was taking it out on yo guyss.  please accept my apology. mandy876

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3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 17, 2013
Of course, I accept your apology if you promise me something?

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 17, 2013
Promise me that you will go back and read the advice that's been given to you about your niece, and keep an open mind? And please, if your niece will go to therapy with you, please PLEASE GO ~~
The thing is Charlene, for your niece's own good, you need to learn to live together in a loving way, or she will have many many regrets after you're gone. By your insisting that tihngs get better, with therapy, you'll be giving her a huge gift. You will help her to be able to get along in life, maybe even to the point of her being able to keep a job or have a partner of her own.

On your journal sara said somethng very profound, and that is that she thought that complaining on medhelp (more than the once or twice it takes to get an answer) is counterproductive, and it might be better to live in the now, and do your talking with your niece, and I think she's right. So, I will probably acknowledge your questions about your niece taking advantage, but I'm not going to give you the same advice over and over anymore

I really think it would be better for you, do deal with the advice you've been receiving for a year,  minus the getting angrry and depressed part lol, and find your answers there. Anyways, the point is, it's all we've got Charlene. Our answers won't change. Maybe make a list of the few pieces of advice, and bring it to therapy with you and ask if it is good advice?

May God be with you Cha Cha ~ and the family. Liz

Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 17, 2013
liz      i will do my best.  she is impossible to talk to.  she shuts down and stops listening.  she says did you say something.  i was not listening.  but i am talking to her i go to her mental health doctor and tell her how she acts.  the doctor thanks me and gets confused everytime.  she says you should listen to your mom.  we just let it go.  sometimes i say aunt.  i was always close to her because her mom was so mean to her.  she has 2 daughters who love her.and one that does not care  but she only wants 1.  i tell her her middle girl loves her too.  she says all  time i wish i was jessica i love you too mommy.  the oldest is impossible  her mouth gets her in so much trouble.  it is hard for me to judge her because if it was not for her i would not be alive today.  she made me live aftr my mom died.  i ate very little and cried all the time.  she drug me to the doctor and he put me on effexor.  before that she drug me to get our hair fixed and went to a good restaurant called cotton patch. they have the best chicken fried steak inthe world.  the atmosphere is warm and friendly.   so i have to over look some of her bad.  because she saved me.  does that make since/  i have always loved me..  charlene

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 17, 2013
I really like where you're going with this, that you are able to look at the good as well as the bad. I think you have pretty much taken over the role of her Mom, there's no doubt about that Charlene.  I ABSOLUTELY DO SEE AND DO APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT YOUR NIECE CARED ENOUGH TO HELP YOU NOT BE SO SAD AND LONELY. There's no one that is all bad. I'm sure she has many fine qualities. It sounds like she is just missing a few things, like empathy sometimes.....

Despite the saying "theres no rule book raising children" , there really is. All Mother's must learn to Not Enable Bad Behavior , because if we do Enable Bad Behavior, We Are Teaching Them Nothing About How To Live In This World, When We Are Gone...

That's Why We Do Things Like Get Into Therapy With Our Family, It's NOT Just So That Our Live's Will Be Happier, It's So Our Problem Child Will Learn How To Live WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  

It's HUGE that your niece said that she would go to therapy with you., so that you can both learn to respect each other more.......Obviously your niece loves you very much, or she would never have said "Yes" , that she would go to therapy....why not go? what have you guys got to lose? It's all up to you to teach this women how to live in this world.....

The fact that your niece "shuts down and stops listening, and is impossible to talk to" is the reason why you need to take her up on her saying YES TO THERAPY.,

I think the reason your niece did say YES TO THERAPY is because she is reaching out to you to help her get well.

She needs one person in her life to CARE ENOUGH TO DO THE RIGHT THING. To care enough to make the appointment, and go with her. You know? If you don't take the opportunity to bring her, she may never go and get the help she needs to get along in this world, when you're gone......

Thanks for listening. I've said enough on the subject. I just wanted you to have something to read on a journal where there was no confusion to have to read through.

I wish you both the very best.  Make NO MISTAKE Cha Cha, Your friends here on Medhelp do care about you and do love you too ~ we are NOT strangers who don't care. We know almost everything about you, since you came here. lol

Love Liz

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 17, 2013
You know as i was running all around outside, i thought about something....that might help you?

Since your niece said " YES " to therapy, maybe with your support and love, she might say " Yes " to Anger Management. It may be a real possibility, you say she wants to work again, so maybe, just maybe she might want to work on her anger management problem.......

if it was brought up to her in a non threatening way? If she was going to anger management , maybe it would set her up to work more on the relationship that you and she share? You know? like , she'll know that you really crare about her going forward in her life, she' s  pretty young and it's probably very scary for her to think that , she might never be able to work again, or make work friends and have a normal life.?

If you're really calm and really sweet, like you've been with at least Swabes and me, this last day, maybe you can make something happen for her that's really big,?

Gee, i hope you don't mind me making this suggestion, i was just putting two and two together....

See how nice it's been for you both since you spoke up for yourself, and made a suggestion? Kids need direction, and maybe she' hasn't really gotten any direction from her own mama , maybe what she really needs is to have a parent (YOU) who doesn't let the big picture get away from them, and concentrate to help her help herself?  

I know this is alot to read, and Please don't be frustrated with me ~ it's just that the timing is SO RIGHT to ask her to go get some anger management help, (nothing to do with you and her) only to help her maybe get a job down the road, She can maybe take a couple of courses, (Future Builder online courses are an example) ; and go to anger management while you're still around to support her ? Everyone needs someone to be proud of them while they're attempting to do stuff that is good for them.....she may be too depressed to do it after you've passed on to heaven to be with your parents.......

You do have a reason to be here cha cha, with your niece.......Good luck, glad you're feeling better. It's good to see you helping on the forums, (it's so needed and worth while).
Liz

Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 17, 2013
thank you.  you were really sweet.  sometimes it makes a difference  the way you talk to people.  you did not upset me at all. you gave me good advise.  I think she might have another job at another walmarts.  she applied at 2 of them waiing to hear.   i dont know what goes on with me sometime.  seems like god gives me problms tthat are hard to cope with.  i watched my daddy die with cancer of the pancrea.  2 years later i got cancer and had a mascetomy.  2 years later my husband has a heart attack and died.  i kept care of my mom between our two houses then when things were getting too hard.  she kept  sending her bills to the wrong people.  she movd in with me for 4 years.  it was great at first but her mind was going and she got a little mean.  we had hospice they came to the house about 2 times a day.  they were so sweet.  i had to watch my mom die.  but i was with her when she died.  i also was with my daddy and my hubby.  i hoped i would never have to go through that again.  but it looks like i am.  i wish i could understand what GOD has in mind for me? e has takeneveryon i loved even my best friends and momin law.  chacha

Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 17, 2013
thank you.  you were really sweet.  sometimes it makes a difference  the way you talk to people.  you did not upset me at all. you gave me good advise.  I think she might have another job at another walmarts.  she applied at 2 of them waiing to hear.   i dont know what goes on with me sometime.  seems like god gives me problms tthat are hard to cope with.  i watched my daddy die with cancer of the pancrea.  2 years later i got cancer and had a mascetomy.  2 years later my husband has a heart attack and died.  i kept care of my mom between our two houses then when things were getting too hard.  she kept  sending her bills to the wrong people.  she movd in with me for 4 years.  it was great at first but her mind was going and she got a little mean.  we had hospice they came to the house about 2 times a day.  they were so sweet.  i had to watch my mom die.  but i was with her when she died.  i also was with my daddy and my hubby.  i hoped i would never have to go through that again.  but it looks like i am.  i wish i could understand what GOD has in mind for me? e has takeneveryon i loved even my best friends and momin law.  chacha

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 17, 2013
Cha Cha ~ You make me chuckle, I really, really  don't think that I said anything very much different than I usually do ~  

You've said, "you were really sweet.  sometimes it makes a difference  the way you talk to people"

well, sorry but i think the reason why you heard the advice differently, is because you're feeling a little bit better and not so much that I've changed the way I'm speaking to you.

I think that you are aware that your depression crept up on you and you maybe were taking things out of context.?

and I think it's important going forward that you continue to acknowledge that you had a melt down, and not tell your friends that they are talking in a sweet way NOW , suggesting we were being mean before, it's kind of  an insult, you know? I'm only trying to help, I'm not tyring to depress you or make you mad, but let's face it, your words hurt, and your friends were hurt, after you telling them that they were attacking you, and calling them a pack of wolves.

I'm just worried that some of your firends might think that you still don't understand that we were trying to help in a loving way. If you look at my post to you, my tone and speech has not changed. But, there has been a change with you. I think talking directly to your niece is a good thing, and discussing how you feel. We saw that you did that. And that is great. Just keep doing that, and IF you can take the advice , and maybe see if you can get your niece to a therapist to talk about anger management, or get together and talk to a therapist together, then things are only gong to get better, and better.......as is always the case, the more you open up the communication , the more we all come together as a team.

So glad to hear about the job interview. I'll be praying that your niece get's that job, or the next one.

love liz

Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 17, 2013
i wrote you a long message and my computer cut me off i will try to remember.  my niece said she had never found her soul mate.  she had never made a diffrence in the world.  i told her she had 3 daughters and 8 grandchildren  and one on the way in november.  maybe one of them will make her dreams.  she said that i nott the same.  i think if she gets a jovb she will fee better about herself.  she is a hard worker.  was employee of the month.  better go it is acting up agsain.  chacha

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 18, 2013
That's great cha cha, did you read my last message, as i said, i am truly concerned that your other friends might be offended that you are saying that it is how we spoke to you, that we did something wrong......i'm wondering if it may not be the reason why you have not received any of your friends commenting on this journal post?

if you are making a sincere apology you cannot say in the next breath, " it makes a difference in the way we talk to you", do you see that? we were not talking in a mean way cha cha. i want your friends to come back and support you. more than one said Good bye to you. Things could get pretty lonely here, if you don't acknowledge that your friends are not mean in the way they speak to you......just sayin'



Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 18, 2013
medhelp said offending everyone. they took me off ntil 9/16.  so if i was reported i was weong i ha to  apoloize.   did not mean  everyone.   did not know how to handle the situation. cant say much i will not be around any more.    iam afraid to talk  to a couple of them.  ont know why i cant keep control of my nerves any more.  i feel everyone is anst me.  i dnt mean you. i will sleep omn it and write down all who wrote and reply to them.  please wish me luck   charlene

3060903 tn?1398565123
by Nighthawk61, Sep 18, 2013
I wish you all the luck in the world cha cha ~

You've put some work into making things better at home, and it's working, huge in roads are being made., keep up the good work.......

Liz

Avatar universal
by mandy876, Sep 18, 2013
i  can do it.  i have to. thank you for being here for  me.  you helped me get through a rough time.  thank you so much.  charlene

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