May 20, 2009
That is how I feel. As if my emotions (or lack of) are not my own. I feel unstable. I had hallucinations last night...something that hasn't happened in a long, long time. I laughed at it instead of being scared, because I knew it wasn't real and it sounded pathetic. I cut myself again, much more than I have done in ages. Then I realised that I'm going home in a few days and that means good weather and beaches and stuff like that, luckily I only did it in less visible areas like my upper arms and other places that aren't easily visible. I'll have to avoid the beach for a while. Today was my last day of self injury and I hope that I can last longer than last time. Another thing I only realised today is that I cut in sets of three... OCD even shows up in self injury wtf!
Anyway, it's almost 11pm and I took a sleeping pill a while ago just so I would no longer be awake. I'm determined to make tomorrow better.