May 23, 2009 - comments
I just keep thinking my Mom's on a long trip,denial helps get us through many painful events.Even during the research I was doing,I would ignore the bad.I even told her not to believe in statistics,every case is different.I was trying to keep her hopes up.When I seen her slipping through my fingers,I would just go outside her room,and just cry.I tried so hard not to cry in front her,it just discouraged her.When I told her the bad news the Doctor figured she would take it better from me,they were wrong.I knew a month before she passed that it wouldn't be long.I told her this,she didn't take it very well and was very mad at me.It was the most difficult thing I ever had to say to her.I didn't cry,while telling her,which was so hard.She took that as I didn't care.So,not true,I just prepared myself.I loved her so very much.If I didn't I wouldn't have dropped everything to care for her.Life is so empty without her.I feel so guilty,being depressed,I try to hide that from my son.I'm getting a bit better.My son had an open house at his school,a friend took him,I planned on going too,but just couldn't,as my Mom would have went with me.I have a shrine of sorts,pictures of my Mom & me,one's with her and my son,and some of her,on a table in my kitchen,all the stuff my son made over his school year,I put there for his Nana to see.He's getting so big,I wish she was physically here to see that with me.I miss her and I wish she'd hurry up and come back from her long trip!
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