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May 23, 2009 - 4 comments
I just keep thinking my Mom's on a long trip,denial helps get us through many painful events.Even during the research I was doing,I would ignore the bad.I even told her not to believe in statistics,every case is different.I was trying to keep her hopes up.When I seen her slipping through my fingers,I would just go outside her room,and just cry.I tried so hard not to cry in front her,it just discouraged her.When I told her the bad news the Doctor figured she would take it better from me,they were wrong.I knew a month before she passed that it wouldn't be long.I told her this,she didn't take it very well and was very mad at me.It was the most difficult thing I ever had to say to her.I didn't cry,while telling her,which was so hard.She took that as I didn't care.So,not true,I just prepared myself.I loved her so very much.If I didn't I wouldn't have dropped everything to care for her.Life is so empty without her.I feel so guilty,being depressed,I try to hide that from my son.I'm getting a bit better.My son had an open house at his school,a friend took him,I planned on going too,but just couldn't,as my Mom would have went with me.I have a shrine of sorts,pictures of my Mom & me,one's with her and my son,and some of her,on a table in my kitchen,all the stuff my son made over his school year,I put there for his Nana to see.He's getting so big,I wish she was physically here to see that with me.I miss her and I wish she'd hurry up and come back from her long trip!
aw jen i know thinking that your mom is on a long trip helps you with the pain and you are right ,....
i used to think my son was on a long trip also just to drown out my pain after he died and believe it or not it did help
but only till i was ready to grieve for him in witch it took 3 years after he died ,....
jen instead of thinking that your mom was angry with you for giving her that news try to think of how brave you where at the time and the strength it took to do that ,....that took incredible strength for a daughter to be able to give her mom news like that and not break down ,........jen been a mom with children of my own i would never be angry with not one of my children if they
gave me news like that ,.....and just like your mom she was never angry with you ,she was angry all right with the world but never you ,if she was here you know she would tell you that ,......she loved you to much to be angry with you remember that ,.....you dont have to say you did everything to care for your mom im sure she knows that and if she could relieve you of this burden you seem to be carrying she would ,......i know your life is so empty without your mom but you do have a beautiful son who loves you just like you loved and still love your mom ,..jen you are his mom and i know he needs you so much but i do know where you are coming from with this empty feeling inside of you ,its just we are still on the land of the living and it can be so hard at times to cope , but we must try for out kids sake ,
you son loves his nan more and more every day because of you ,...you will never let your moms spirit go as long as your still around .and as your son grows even older he will always have a special place in his heart for his nan because of you jen ,
someday when your mom returns home from her long trip to you ,remember that will be the day you and her will be reunited with each other ,
so till then you and your son live her memory in honor, life goes on and also goes by so quick so try to make the most of it ,
theres one thing i do think about i always think if im in pain over my children then my children must be also in pain over me
so i try my best not to put them in anymore pain by trying to live my life the best i can ,...
try that jen ,try to give you mom some happiness now show her that you can be happy,
she wont take that in the wrong way she would have a smile on her face i bet ,....
and what ever you do never feel guilty for been happy its what your mom and your son would want for you ,.
and remember if you are feeling down your son will pick it up and feel like that to ,or try to look for more and more attention
so be kind to you and your son god only knows you deserve it ,....
hugs to you and please take care ,.xx......bernie .
i used to think my son was on a long trip also just to drown out my pain after he died and believe it or not it did help
but only till i was ready to grieve for him in witch it took 3 years after he died ,....
jen instead of thinking that your mom was angry with you for giving her that news try to think of how brave you where at the time and the strength it took to do that ,....that took incredible strength for a daughter to be able to give her mom news like that and not break down ,........jen been a mom with children of my own i would never be angry with not one of my children if they
gave me news like that ,.....and just like your mom she was never angry with you ,she was angry all right with the world but never you ,if she was here you know she would tell you that ,......she loved you to much to be angry with you remember that ,.....you dont have to say you did everything to care for your mom im sure she knows that and if she could relieve you of this burden you seem to be carrying she would ,......i know your life is so empty without your mom but you do have a beautiful son who loves you just like you loved and still love your mom ,..jen you are his mom and i know he needs you so much but i do know where you are coming from with this empty feeling inside of you ,its just we are still on the land of the living and it can be so hard at times to cope , but we must try for out kids sake ,
you son loves his nan more and more every day because of you ,...you will never let your moms spirit go as long as your still around .and as your son grows even older he will always have a special place in his heart for his nan because of you jen ,
someday when your mom returns home from her long trip to you ,remember that will be the day you and her will be reunited with each other ,
so till then you and your son live her memory in honor, life goes on and also goes by so quick so try to make the most of it ,
theres one thing i do think about i always think if im in pain over my children then my children must be also in pain over me
so i try my best not to put them in anymore pain by trying to live my life the best i can ,...
try that jen ,try to give you mom some happiness now show her that you can be happy,
she wont take that in the wrong way she would have a smile on her face i bet ,....
and what ever you do never feel guilty for been happy its what your mom and your son would want for you ,.
and remember if you are feeling down your son will pick it up and feel like that to ,or try to look for more and more attention
so be kind to you and your son god only knows you deserve it ,....
hugs to you and please take care ,.xx......bernie .
aw jen im so sorry but men like them always go back to been bad people ,....it like a circle with them once you let your guard down with them and think there been all nice again they start been bad again ,... and you dont even expect it they take you buy surprise ,....jen people like them never change never ,.....oh! yes i do agree with you getting another house ,..
will you be able to make payments on it yourself ?jen talk to your mom keep on talking till your blue in the face if you have to ,
tell her you wont put up with this for him tell her, im sure she will have a great big smile on her face if you do because your mom knew what it was like for her and i know she wouldn't want you or her grandson going through the same thing ,.
make her proud of you ,.....
you take what you have to for the pain in your neck and dont be minding him or what hes says to you ,..
well theres no point in Anthony making a lot of money if he is not helping you out ,...get rid of him
think of all the peace you and your son will have ,........you have a good friend and thats all you need ,...
that would be so nice if you started up a day care and it would be so good for you in keeping your mind busy ;)
well if he thinks its all your fault tell him to go and never come back ,.jen you will find the right guy if you still want a boyfriend in your life but for now you and your son need some peace and quite ,you are a good mom and a good girl mr right will come along some day when its the right time for you ,.....
you keep your faith no matter what happens god is good remember that ,.......
i hope things work out for you and your friend ,..
take care and when ever you want to talk you know im always here for you ,....hugs hun ,}}}}}}}}}}
will you be able to make payments on it yourself ?jen talk to your mom keep on talking till your blue in the face if you have to ,
tell her you wont put up with this for him tell her, im sure she will have a great big smile on her face if you do because your mom knew what it was like for her and i know she wouldn't want you or her grandson going through the same thing ,.
make her proud of you ,.....
you take what you have to for the pain in your neck and dont be minding him or what hes says to you ,..
well theres no point in Anthony making a lot of money if he is not helping you out ,...get rid of him
think of all the peace you and your son will have ,........you have a good friend and thats all you need ,...
that would be so nice if you started up a day care and it would be so good for you in keeping your mind busy ;)
well if he thinks its all your fault tell him to go and never come back ,.jen you will find the right guy if you still want a boyfriend in your life but for now you and your son need some peace and quite ,you are a good mom and a good girl mr right will come along some day when its the right time for you ,.....
you keep your faith no matter what happens god is good remember that ,.......
i hope things work out for you and your friend ,..
take care and when ever you want to talk you know im always here for you ,....hugs hun ,}}}}}}}}}}
I have a wish ... want to see the shrine that you have , People we loved will remain with us forever , and cherished memories will abide within our hearts reminding us that the love we shared together is eternal .
pls watch life after life for me ...
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