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Totally Amazed

May 31, 2009 - 0 comments

As I wrote in my other journal, it is so totally unbelievable to me that I have gone over 400 days without any sleeping meds.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think this day would ever arrive.  I have tried unsuccessfully so many times before, but when I looked at the tracker on here and realized how many days I had been sober, it literally blew me away.  My husband is the only one who has any knowledge of my problem so he is the only one I can celebrate this wonderful milestone with.  I chose to keep this information to myself because I didn’t want it to affect either of my daughters in a negative way.  

This website was a saving grace to me in the beginning of my climb to the top of the mountain.  I opted not to go to a formal recovery setting.  Mainly because I live in such a small town that there isn’t a group here, but also because I am a teacher and I was afraid of what it would do to my career if I was “outed” as an addict.  Either way, God has blessed me so much by giving me such wonderful family and a husband who has been my rock and stability through the death of my father (which is one of the main reasons I fell off the wagon to begin with).  I am in awe of how wonderful life is without any substance.  It had been so long since I was completely sober that I forgot how great the feeling is.  I have been self medicating for so long that I didn't think I could function without chemical assistance.  Boy was I wrong.  God provided me with the inner strengt to get a grip on this.  I don't want to say that I have put it behind me because once I say that, I am just setting myself up for a fall.  I know that I will be an addict for the rest of my life, but I do know that there is a difference in being an "active addict" and a "recovering addict".  Thank God I am the latter.

I just wanted to let everyone know that if I can do this, anyone can.  I am one of the weakest people in the world when it comes to giving up something I truly love.  Especially when that something is what I consider to keep me going everyday.  Be strong and use this website, it is an amazing place with amazing people.  I have met some wonderful people on here.  I have been away for a while now due to finishing up with school, but since I am out for the summer, I plan to dive right back in where I was before and get back to keeping my journals on a regular basis.  God bless everyone who is struggling with an addiction; whether it be fighting the addiction yourself or fighting with a loved one.  If there is anything that I can do to help you, please send me a message and I will be glad to talk with you and offer any support that I can.  Even if it is just a prayer, I will be here to offer one up for you.

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