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Long term affects on Adoption

Jan 10, 2014 - 1 comments

This is not as much a statement as it is an issue I want to put out for other adoptive parents who have or have had this issue as I've seen no posts related to this topic.

We currently are in a fairly open adoption with the Birthparents of my son who is now 17 months old.
They are currently expecting a baby they are keeping due the same week as my sons 2nd birthday.
I've had mixed feeling about this trying to look at each angle of the situation.  I thought as the pregnancy goes on she would stop reaching out to us and concentrate more on the new baby to be. She messaged me last night asking questions about when my son was born like how long did he stay up at night, how old was he when he started doing certain things because she's thinking about when this baby will do the same things. I've been extremely open telling her everything she's been asking the whole time having my mixed emotions.

I worry about my son in the whole aspect of the situation and now I have to think about how he'll feel knowing his birth brother/sister and knowing they kept them and not him.. and how having an on going relationship with them will affect him in the long run.  The birthmom asked me " How do you think Sol will do when the baby comes"... I responded, " well he'll do fine he won't understand the who he is for quite some time and he'll only get upset if I hold the baby because he'll get jealous"... I didn't know exactly how to respond to this because I feel like she doesn't quite understand that Sol only knows me as mom.. since he's been born they have now seen him 3 times in a year and a half and this is because they've only asked to see him these 3 times and have stood us up for a visit in the past, so it's not as if he's going to actually remember them either.. babies forget people quickly..

Any way to stop rambling because I could go on for a long time, me and my husband have decided to make an appointment with a child therapist and go over the pros and cons of our situation as a long term affect on our son.. I want what is absolutely best for him, and if I'm told in the long term this is good for my son to have this relationship with his Birthmom/dad/siblings then it's something we can keep exploring, but if it's something that can mess with him emotionaly in the long term then we need to figure out where to go from here.

Again just wanting to put this out their as it's not a situation you can just google.. hopefully this helps someone else!

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1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Jan 10, 2014
I think you're doing the best thing for Sol by going to a therapist. It can be hard to say how a child would react to that.

Just remember though the therapist may tell you he could react one way and he reacts the total opposite.

But I think doing it now as opposed to later on down the road is a good idea.

It can be a tough, sticky situation. And I wish you all the best

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