You know what, I am so SICK and tired of these effing men dropping women like they are a piece of freaking meat as soon as fresh produce comes in all nice and shiny, not to mention they have been waxed!!! Only if men would take the damn blind folds off  their eyes and see that appearances are just that, appearances.Inside these girls are just empty souls not to mention prostituting themselves, I think. I am so outraged about that man and what he did to you. And that girl..don't even get me started. Her and her white smile. All her teeth should have been knocked out by you, lol. I can't believe how she talked about the less privileged. Even though they had old clothes, didn't speak well, and didn't visit doctors unless they were very ill, they are still more classy than she was. Money and education can only do so much for somebody, you know. Humility and class cannot be bough or learned in a book.  
That being said, I hope you fall in love with somebody else again. You know what people say, fake it until you make it. So if you are not happy, pretend to be. That will bring more people around you and will give you more chances to fall in love. Also, once you fake it so much, you may even just become happy because it becomes habitual (just a thought, no point intended).
Good story...I am still upset about what he did..that jerk. LOL

You are absolutely correct, MamaP. The patient and her family's clothing were inexpensive and mended but clean; their words were simple and sometimes mispronounced but full of sincere kindness and gratitude. You could see that they didn't have much but that they did their very best with what they DID have, and they had empathy for others' sufferning and no resentment for others' blessings. They outclassed "the 29 year old" and my doctor friend by miles that day.

The "29 year old" is 33 years old now and still going from relationship to relationship. From what I hear through the rumor tree, she hasn't changed much. But, perhaps as she grows older, she endure some of the loneliness I have or feel the sadness of being betrayed or abandoned by someone she loves. Maybe someday, she'll realize the pain that comes with that and she'll regret having had a hand in doing it to someone else.

I still miss the doctor. Not his good looks or status as a doctor or the daydreams I had of romantic romps with him, but rather his intellect. playfulness. stories of his adventures and his joie de vivre. In short, I miss his friendship. I've come to accept, however, our parting was meant to be. He and I came from very different backgrounds and, even at the time we were friends, were in very different "leagues" look-wise, money-wise, etc.. Had we gotten together, I would have felt a constant apprehension that one day he'd wonder aloud why "handsome him", schooled in the etiquette of fine wines and 50 utensil place settings, had entangled himself with "plain jane me" who thinks a spoon is a spoon, a fork a fork, and who sometimes talks too loudly for the setting and fails to "keep up appearances". In a desperate attempt to prevent or at least postpone that day, I'd have tried to be someone I wasn't. I'd have tried to swirl wine snootily and comment on its fruity or woody ending notes and I'd have raved about the gourmet food at restaurants where they put so little on the plate they have to paint the empty spots with pureed fruit...then I'd have gone home and taken an aspirin for my wine & hunger induced headache and eaten peanut butter from the jar (with a fork 'cause sometimes they work just as well as a bouillon spoon, soup spoon, demitasse spoon, dessert spoon and runcible spoon!) I'd have been trying to fit into HIS life rather than living my own in hopes of pleasing and not losing him.  (continued)

(continued) So, I guess "fate" was wise and knew the correct course for me when I did not.

As for the "faking it 'til you make it". I had worked with a trainer at the time that all this drama with the 29 year old was swirling. She helped me lose 100 lbs. and 12 jeans sizes. More than focusing on the body, however, she's a very holistic person who tried very hard to help me improve my internal dialogue and recognize my own value and beauty whether I was fat or slim. She practices Reiki and sound healing and a number of other alternative/complementary practices. Through her, I met a Tai Chi teacher, a yoga instructor, a non-traditional psychotherapist and reconnected with an old high school classmate who was now teaching a combo yoga-belly dancing class. ALL of them are firm believers of "thoughts become things" and "what you say in your head becomes reality in your life". They advise me: "manifest what you want to see happen". As a life-long pessimist, I'm not very good at it. BUT, I can't deny hat it seems to work for them. They are surrounded by so many friends. The belly dance teacher, though overweight, is the center of attention when we go out to the Greek restaurant and dance. She's not a professional dancer, either. It's not that she's crazy seductive or every step is perfect...in fact, she often "misteps", but when she does, she laughs. But, she sincerely believes that she (and all of us) is a "goddess", flaws and all. She loves her body, despite her protruberant tummy and other flaws, for what it does for her in terms of yoga and dance. She just smiles and shines and bubbles over while out, expresses genuine interest in and positivity towards everyone she meets and life in general; strangers approach wanting to be a part of it! So...I'm TRYING to adopt their positive attitudes. After a life of pessimism, it'll be a "work in progress" for quite a while, I think.

Well, I must go. I've had a miserable headache for nearly two weeks now and was on my way to the freezer for more ice for the ice pack when I decided to check my email. At least my headache isn't from wine and hunger! Have a nice week Mama-P.

MaryAnn ("Sky")

P.S. to Mama-P: I haven't slept well lately due to this headache as well as a lot of family, financial, health and work issues weighing on my mind. After finishing the above note, I went and lay down with my ice pack on my head. While drifting between asleep & awake, I was thinking about your note and back to the time when "he" just cut off communications suddenly and how I was left thinking/feeling "how stupid was I to think 'handsome him' could care about fat old ugly me?" But, instead of things happening as they actually did, I dreamt that he & I had had a real break up and I could hear myself yelling, "Go ahead! You're middle-aged developing a paunch and a receding hairline and desperate to prove you're still a stud. I understand completely. Go chase your fresh shiny waxed piece of produce!! " I woke up laughing. I'm still smiling and, for the first time, really thinking down deep that he was the loser in this. Thanks. :)

Yup, he is the loser. Stay thinking positive and good luck with the headache. Sometimes you can get it from being dehydrated, I think so drink water and see if it helps.