Dear Cactus19,
Hi I'm a 25 year old female and I have used benzo's with my prescription of adderrall XR with marijuana also. I've also taken drugs like MDMA and alcohol recreationally (not sure if its relavent).
Dude everything you've written about feeling paranoia and like you're not safe, you can't focus because you feel so unsafe and you don't know why and you feel like that and everything-- describes my situation completely. I've weened off the benzo's completely and reduced by marijuana intake as well by approx 75%. I don't even drink anymore. I have used MDMA less than 10 times in my life and each time it was like a 1/4 of a capsule. BUT like you, I STILL have these reoccurring paranoid tendencies that I can't shake. I'm going to ween off adderrall too, debating about going cold turkey and just not using it at all at this point though. I think this sense of paranoia and fear is related or due to it.
I was so shocked when I read your post. I totally can relate on every single freakin note. I've never had these issues to this extreme degree/ anxiety before the adderrall either.
Please note the following:
- I take 20 mg adderrall XR daily for my ADHD.
- I am 4'11" and 95 lbs.
- I exercise everyday focusing on weight training, endurance, and strength, just like you
- I also have an athletic body type as you do, right now my body fat % is approximately 17% (average for women is 21-25%)
- I am super health conscious, I play on sports teams, am vegetarian, don't eat greasy food (take out).
Not sure what i'm going to do without the adderrall to focus, especially with my grades in mind--esp if attempt to go cold turkey and stop using it completely. But honestly it would probably be in the best interest of my mental health to avoid using it. Like holy ****, I was beginning to wonder if I was a nut job for feeling like this but your post just goes to show I'm not the only one suffering from the exact same symptoms.
Wow. These were such eye opening posts from you Cactus19. Thank you for posting, I hope you have found a solution to these issues by now. I can't believe how every single word on your entries rings true for me as well, I'm dumbfounded right now. Literally, I cannot express how much I relate to your posts. Dude, if you would like to contact me to speak about this further, please post your email or something and we can discuss this more privately/find solutions if you want. Look up amphetamine-induced psychosis on google-- I think this is whats going on with me and maybe you.
Thank you for posting! Best wishes! Sincerely,
adorkable88
I am just trying to be helpful so dont take anything personaly. Weight has a little bit to do with the effects of drugs and medications, but your bodies tolarance and or chemical makeup is the real reason some meds effect some people different. now with adderall people tend to think they need to keep moving up cause they cant feel it anymore. Duh your not suppose to feel it should just be chemicaly fixing you. At first the euphoria is great but one your body adjusts to the meds you dont so much feel like you took it wow feeling, but if you pay attention to your feelings and actions you should know if it works or not. You dont sound over weight but you say you are big, make sure you healthy cause your blood pressure can rise with the adderall, ty cheers
I have experienced paranoia from using adderall, but I feel that the benefits out-weigh the side effects. I've noticed that for me personally, the only time that adderall produces these feelings is when I am subjected to a lot of stress. I have an anxiety disorder, but it doesn't make me have more anxiety. I think it may worsen anxiety when I am exposed to trauma triggers though. I too, carry a knife around with me, but have done so for years. I think there is nothing wrong with doing whatever makes you feel safer.
Maybe, minimizing stress in your life will help. This may be a big part of why the adderall is making you paranoid. Sometimes it is hard to recognize when paranoia sets in, but reminding yourself that you are creating it when you do see it for what it is may help relieve some of the discomfort it produces. Also pay attention to events that happen before you feel this way. It may help you prevent the paranoia. If this doesn't work or you find that it's too severe to handle, then changing your meds would be the next step.
Also, it's good that you quit smoking weed. I have nothing against it personally, but it is something that can cause extreme paranoia without any other drug. I used to self-medicate my ADHD symptoms this way. I quit doing it because I got so paranoid that it would cause anxiety even if I had nothing to do and I was in my own home. I would look out the window and think that the cops were coming to get me, lol.
It bothers me that your therapist does not have adaquate time for you. Maybe you should fire her and find one that would better suit your needs.
You need to stop Adderall right away. I took Adderall for the past 2 years and it changed my life for the better. It completely cured my depression because I could think clearly for once. But just like any medication like this, I believe the medication should only be a crutch to get you going in the right direction with your life. You don't want to have to take a medication for the rest of your life would you. Medication should help you retrain your brain to start thinking the way you want it to and your body tells you when it's ready to be on it's own. You body tells you it doesn't need the Adderall anymore by seemingly making your life worse than better. I went through all of the same symptoms as you. I had such bad paranoia that I was afraid to go outside of my house. I had these crazy scenarios just like you of stuff that might happen to me. I would spend a crazy amount of hours researching on the computer about random diseases and then look at clock and be in shock about how much time went by looking at pointless stuff. I would get so depressed about the paranoia that it just wore me down. I really felt like I was losing it and the funny thing is at first I really thought it was me that was the problem not the adderall because of how much of positive change adderall had on my life. Then I went to the doctor and I told him what the situation was and he looked at me with a worried look and said those are side effects of taking too much. I felt shocked because I then realized how much of an addict I seemed to be like, like Sara Goldfarb in Requium of a Dream. He switched me to a different medication called Stratera because I asked him too and after a day of taking that and it not doing anything helpful I just stopped taking meds all together. Really the "crash" of being really tired and sore only lasts about 2 days. I take caffine pills now and they help me immensely. High energy, ability to think, no creepy side effects. Once you stop taking the Adderall I promise you your life will be sooo much better. You will keep all the positive changes it made to your body and all the negative paranoia and uncontrolled nutty behavior will go away once you stop the medication. Your body and brain just don't want Adderall anymore and they're telling you so listen.
Weird, the adderall was affecting you much more like it would someone using speed - which should not be happening if you have ADD. But then again we are all different and all react differently.
Anyway, there are two sites aimed at the adult ADD sufferer that you might want to check out are totallyadd.com and http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors.
Both sites are done by people with ADD. totallyadd was actually a PBS special and consequently is a series of short videos. Quite entertaining and useful. Jeffs add mind really reflects him. Has much more adult interaction. Both are worth checking out. They may be able to give you information that you find helpful.
I was on Adderall for a year when I was 24. I am now 29 and have not touched the stuff for five years. I took it because I have ADD. But, after being on it for awhile I lost 20 pounds, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't remember what day it was, and lost my long time passion for reading. There are many things that I did when I was taking my percription that I wish I could take back, bad conversations, constant talking, etc. Given, I felt wonderful, ciggerettes tasted like candy and I may have figured out the cure for cancer a couple of times, plus I was very neat. I noticed after awhile that I was fully looking forward to taking my pill, and even though I have ADD, it was not because of it that I wanted to take it. I felt like I was getting dependent on them and missed having my memory and my personality. Yeah, maybe I was over prescribed. I am 5 feet tall and was on two 20mg a day.
In my experience, I hate Adderall because of the long term side effect that I believe it has caused me. Ever since, I got off I have been nervous, full of anxiety, paranoid, and shy. I was not like this before I started the medication-I was actually the complete opposite. I thought that the anxiety would go away in time, but although it is less than it was when I first stopped, it is still not gone. I'm kinda of thinking I may have this anxiety for the rest of my life and trust me I rather have ADD times four. I am not a doctor, but I really wish doctor's would take this drug for six months before prescribing it to anyone. The idea of children taking this drug upsets me greatly. I mean, don't get mad at me, but in my opinion it is almost like giving crack to a five year old.