How do I teach my son to control himslef and listen to me?

[maky158]

What should I do to help my son who is 5 and has ADHD with understanding his behavior? I mean he knows when he's wrong after the fact, but how can i get him to not be so impulsive with his actions and emotions? He constantly argues with me and screams and fights with me on everything. he will straight up tell me No. I'm so fustrated! I started telling him, I'm reminding you right now that your not handling this ok and you need to take a deep breath and relax. Sometimes he will stop and breath and then be ok and then other times he just says No to me and keeps on. What else can i do to help him? I really want him to feel better and for me not to be so stressed out!

[benjimom]

I am reading a book about defiance in kids and it says to remain calm at all times, do not let them see your frustration and do not yell.  I don't know if you yell, but I think a lot of us do that when we get frustrated, we think it will help.  Pick your battles carefully.  Give lots of positive encouragement when doing well, pay more attn to the positive behaviors, it's easy to focus on the negative behaviors.  I'm still reading, but I know I remain pretty calm and I don't have near the issues that the school seems to be having.  Don't try to overpower, it says in this book defiant children like to think they are equal to adults.  

My son is five too and after the fact he will tell me what he did was not right, he's been taught the proper way and I've modeled the appropriate behavior, it's really frustrating.  Also, it said to try to understand the defiant child and give plenty of love.  

I do believe there are triggers to their behaviors. Defiant children tend to be not flexible and have poor communication skills, I think that is why they have the acting out behaviors.  I think every behavior has a reason.  For my son , it's like he forgets his words when he is mad.  He was a late talker.   The book says their emotional intellect is low. I agree totally.  My son it's like sometimes he has such poor regulation of his body and mind.  He can be fine one minute and the next having issues.

Give yourself some credit, it's hard to raise these children, it takes a special person....

[clavvis]

Hi,

A time out can help with this cases, at least at the beggining. So the kid has time to think. Also pictures of diferent situations, problems and how to resolve them. Some times I make up a story which involves a situation that challenged my son´s interacting and that makes him think a lot.

Is good that you are insisting in the breathing, count to 10 and then react, I said. Give yourself some time and with a cool head you will be much better at resolving the situation. Being calm yourself can help. Do not let him get into an argument with you, know is difficult, but just let him argue alone and when calm, talk, it works for me. We also do yoga positions and stuff, and when he goes a bit to angry I make him do press ups, he ends up laughin. If the trouble persist, take away something he likes and give it back when he is behaving correctly.
Well they are some personal tips, everybody finds the ones that fit for their case.

[allmymarbles]

In the first place bad behavior is often diagnosed as ADHD for a quick fix. Instilling discipline is much more difficult and time consuming than giving a pill. How does he behave with his father? With other children? With his teachers? If his bad behavior is only directed at you, try to figure out what triggers his troublesome behavior. Ask those around you what they think.