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Question about my 5 year old daughter. . please help!
My daughter is Five due to be 6 this year. I started noticing around the age of 3 that she started not listening, thinking she is boss, and very hyper. When she was 4 i had another child which she was very excited about but now two years later they fight like normal siblings do. But her behavior has gotten worse. She doesn't listen to anything, she has alot of anger, she yells, and disobays more then ever. Its like she is getting worse day by day! I thought at first it was just because her sister was taking some of my time away from her. I spend time with her one on one and she is still showing signs of something deeper. I would just like to know if anyone else has been thru this or something i could do or try to fix things. Its hard on my relationship because my boyfriend (who has helped me raise her since she was 9 months) thinks i just let her get away with too much but i am starting to think it isn't her fault kinda thing. I don't know what to do and could really use advise. She is going to be starting Kindergarten this aug and i have to figure it out before she starts school. Thank you all so much!
ya well here in her class she isnt the youngest child most of them are born before january so they are all about the same age..we definately learned normal disaplline doesnt work with her and she doesnt seem to comprehend the same way as most. and yes doc is going to watch her for a bit and wait to start senoir kindergarden and give it a mth or so to get teach opinion than go from there
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ummm, it really is common for kids with ADHD to have problems holding it. So the doc may be on to something. Also makes me wonder how well she is sleeping at night. If for some reason her bladder problems keep waking her up and she is not getting a full nights sleep, then she is going to be a lot more grumpy (putting it mildly) during the day.
Specialmom really had a lot of very good suggestions and they all will help matters. If your daughter does have ADHD it does make it much more difficult to raise a child, just because the normal punishments don't work. A kid with ADHD will do things without thinking (no filters). Many times they haven't even realized what they have done - until its over.
Hopefully, your pediatrician referred to a specialist for more help and didn't just leave you hanging.
I would suggest that you get the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. There are so many things to tell you - if she does have ADHD- that I could go on for pages. This book pretty well covers the subject. Also, this site has a lot of good ideas for parenting kids with ADHD. The site is - http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm#rewards
Oh, and page one of the site mentioned above has a list of the symptoms of a child with ADHD that might also be of interest to you.
And finally, it does sound like she could be one of the youngest kids in her preschool class which could make it harder for her to make friends and keep up academically. You might want to ask her teacher how is age wise compared to the other kids.
Hopefully, you read our answers to the post above yours because those ideas will also help you.
If you have any more questions about this whole ADHD thing - please post. Best wishes.
Specialmom really had a lot of very good suggestions and they all will help matters. If your daughter does have ADHD it does make it much more difficult to raise a child, just because the normal punishments don't work. A kid with ADHD will do things without thinking (no filters). Many times they haven't even realized what they have done - until its over.
Hopefully, your pediatrician referred to a specialist for more help and didn't just leave you hanging.
I would suggest that you get the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. There are so many things to tell you - if she does have ADHD- that I could go on for pages. This book pretty well covers the subject. Also, this site has a lot of good ideas for parenting kids with ADHD. The site is - http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm#rewards
Oh, and page one of the site mentioned above has a list of the symptoms of a child with ADHD that might also be of interest to you.
And finally, it does sound like she could be one of the youngest kids in her preschool class which could make it harder for her to make friends and keep up academically. You might want to ask her teacher how is age wise compared to the other kids.
Hopefully, you read our answers to the post above yours because those ideas will also help you.
If you have any more questions about this whole ADHD thing - please post. Best wishes.
ok sierra is her name and she will be 5 in september i live in canada and kindergarden is broken into junior and senoir they start school at 4.
and has been to doc many times for bladder there is nothing wrong with it.
Well update took her to piediatrician and finally someone told me i am not a bad parent and there is some behavioral problems she is guessing that she is ADHD, her bio dad what diagnosed with it too so she gave me some methods to try. And she said that the destructive deviant behavior etc is problably related to what is going on in her own head.
As far as my sleeping and not getting up with her i think you misunderstood me i do get up with my child but she is very sneaky and we dont always hear her.
and has been to doc many times for bladder there is nothing wrong with it.
Well update took her to piediatrician and finally someone told me i am not a bad parent and there is some behavioral problems she is guessing that she is ADHD, her bio dad what diagnosed with it too so she gave me some methods to try. And she said that the destructive deviant behavior etc is problably related to what is going on in her own head.
As far as my sleeping and not getting up with her i think you misunderstood me i do get up with my child but she is very sneaky and we dont always hear her.
COMMUNITY LEADER
By the way, her bathroom problems really sound like she could have an infection. Its something that a doctor or immediate medical center can quickly test for with a urine sample. I wouldn't wait till the 30th to get that done.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Quick question. You said she was going to be 5 this Sept and you said she also was in kindergarten. You can't get into kindergarten until you are 5 in sept. in most states. Did you mean she was in preschool this year?
Oh boys. A few things stand out right away. I've got two kids age 7 and 8 and I've never not gotten up right away when they do. I may come down and lay on the couch when they are up if I'm feeling overly tired. But I kind of thought all parents of young kids got up with them in the morning.?? And if my child had some habits in the morning (as in maybe trying to get my attention and doing things she shouldn't, I'd certainly go ahead and get up.) I'm not trying to come down on you but that may be something you consider. I haven't had my 'own' schedule since the day I had kids. I adjust to theirs if they don't want to work with mine.
All children at not yet the age of 5 are pretty self centered and are about wanting things. It's a common occurance at Target or anywhere else to hear a young child crying because they want something or to hear kids even older than your child go on and on about something they'd love to have. Very normal in my opinion. You lovingly tell them that you can not afford X at the store today but if it is important you will save for it and she can do good deeds to earn money for it. If she begins throwing some sort of fit which kids are known to do --- you leave the store immediately. I've walked away from a full grocery cart once for my son having a fit because he wanted something. I took him by the hand and led him out. He hated that. I only had to do it once. When he wanted his strawberries later, I said "sorry. we don't have any. When you had a fit at the store and we had to leave, we didn't buy our groceries. We'll try to go to the store again tomorrow."
I can't imagine breaking up and destroying items to teach my child a lesson. I think that probably drives home that things don't really matter, mom breaks them too. I'm thinking there has to be a better way to teach her than that.
12 percent of all kids wet at night until age 9. They do not get the signal to wake up while sleeping especially if they are a deep sleeper. It isn't because they are lazy. Most kids would rather not wake up in a cold pee soaked bed. I would start to cut back on her liquids in the evening and make sure she goes to the bathroom right before bed.
The screaming and fresh mouth is unpleasant, I'm sure. When my kids scream, I say very calmly, I can not understand you when you are screaming, when you use your talking voice, I'll answer you. Then I ignore them until they do.
Have you tried any time out methods? what types of discipline do you use?
anyway, it is hard to tell sometimes with kids what is within normal and what isn't. I really couldn't say from what you've written here. Wishing you lots of luck. They are young only once and hopefully this will get better soon. Peace
All children at not yet the age of 5 are pretty self centered and are about wanting things. It's a common occurance at Target or anywhere else to hear a young child crying because they want something or to hear kids even older than your child go on and on about something they'd love to have. Very normal in my opinion. You lovingly tell them that you can not afford X at the store today but if it is important you will save for it and she can do good deeds to earn money for it. If she begins throwing some sort of fit which kids are known to do --- you leave the store immediately. I've walked away from a full grocery cart once for my son having a fit because he wanted something. I took him by the hand and led him out. He hated that. I only had to do it once. When he wanted his strawberries later, I said "sorry. we don't have any. When you had a fit at the store and we had to leave, we didn't buy our groceries. We'll try to go to the store again tomorrow."
I can't imagine breaking up and destroying items to teach my child a lesson. I think that probably drives home that things don't really matter, mom breaks them too. I'm thinking there has to be a better way to teach her than that.
12 percent of all kids wet at night until age 9. They do not get the signal to wake up while sleeping especially if they are a deep sleeper. It isn't because they are lazy. Most kids would rather not wake up in a cold pee soaked bed. I would start to cut back on her liquids in the evening and make sure she goes to the bathroom right before bed.
The screaming and fresh mouth is unpleasant, I'm sure. When my kids scream, I say very calmly, I can not understand you when you are screaming, when you use your talking voice, I'll answer you. Then I ignore them until they do.
Have you tried any time out methods? what types of discipline do you use?
anyway, it is hard to tell sometimes with kids what is within normal and what isn't. I really couldn't say from what you've written here. Wishing you lots of luck. They are young only once and hopefully this will get better soon. Peace
well i can tell you that this story sounds all to familiar to me, my beautiful little girl that is 4 going to be 5 in september went from a great baby to a horrible little girl, it is like she went throught the terrible 2's and never left just got worse. in the last year she has gotten out of control she is always talking never shuts up she is alway around me not much interests her she will play for short periods on her own, tried to find tv shows to amuse her and nothing works well.
she has this obsession to scream at me instead of talk and she has gotten really mouthy when she talks back to me. somedays i swear i am talking to a 14 yr old the way that she argues me. she is all about what she wants and likes weather she is allowed or not she think it is justified cause she wanted it.
She also has a distructive gene, in the mornings if i dont get her out of bed fast enough she gets bored or mad and has ripped almost all the pain she can reach off the back of her door and the baseboards in her room.
Even when we started taking away her toys and breaking them to resemble destroying something that isnt yours she still does it.
she is almost 5 yrs old and we had to put her back into pull ups as i was tired to washing sheets every day.
She has an obsession with going to the bathroom every half hour but i dont think she goes every time yet at night she seems to be lazy and wont hold it. she decided the other day when told to hold it for a few mins to wait for me to turn my head and sneak behind her toy box bend down and pee on my living room floor like a dog.
My boy friend and i struggle to deal with her and we both get frustrated we are at the end of our rope she has an appointment with peidiatrician on the 30th hoping she can help.
He bio sperm donor which she doesn't know is ADD and really bad for an adult i am not with him any more.
my daughter also has weird obsessive things too when she plays with things she lines them all up in a row. or when she has lots of clothes in her room she will lay them all neatly out in a row.
I don't know what to do anymore i try to be consistant but she is very difiant and hateful she seems angry all the time she was in kindergarden this year and really struggled to make friends. it is hard to watch cause i love her so much.
she has this obsession to scream at me instead of talk and she has gotten really mouthy when she talks back to me. somedays i swear i am talking to a 14 yr old the way that she argues me. she is all about what she wants and likes weather she is allowed or not she think it is justified cause she wanted it.
She also has a distructive gene, in the mornings if i dont get her out of bed fast enough she gets bored or mad and has ripped almost all the pain she can reach off the back of her door and the baseboards in her room.
Even when we started taking away her toys and breaking them to resemble destroying something that isnt yours she still does it.
she is almost 5 yrs old and we had to put her back into pull ups as i was tired to washing sheets every day.
She has an obsession with going to the bathroom every half hour but i dont think she goes every time yet at night she seems to be lazy and wont hold it. she decided the other day when told to hold it for a few mins to wait for me to turn my head and sneak behind her toy box bend down and pee on my living room floor like a dog.
My boy friend and i struggle to deal with her and we both get frustrated we are at the end of our rope she has an appointment with peidiatrician on the 30th hoping she can help.
He bio sperm donor which she doesn't know is ADD and really bad for an adult i am not with him any more.
my daughter also has weird obsessive things too when she plays with things she lines them all up in a row. or when she has lots of clothes in her room she will lay them all neatly out in a row.
I don't know what to do anymore i try to be consistant but she is very difiant and hateful she seems angry all the time she was in kindergarden this year and really struggled to make friends. it is hard to watch cause i love her so much.
That you as well! Yes I know it does sound weird when i say my 5 year old and my 2 year old fight. . What i mean by that is my 5 year old doesn't like to share, (which has now caused my younger one not to want to share). My youngest daughter looks up to her older sister and wants to act out and do everything she does. It has just come to the point when if one of them want something that the other one has its more of a don't ask nicely for it or wait until the other one is finished playing with it, but grab it away and demand its theirs and they aren't giving it back. But by no means i don't let my children hit one another or what not. I do try to keep them apart once they start to fight. Its just I see my youngest wanting to do the same things her older sister is doing and thats when i thought to myself i have to stop this now! like there has to be something i can do. I love my children to death and would do anything for them but at the same time i want them to grow up and have respect for others and the morals that they should. I have tried everything i knew to do before i put my post on here. I thank you both so much for giving me great advice that i plan to put into action today. My oldest daughter does alot of screaming and yelling so me ignoring her until she can calm down will be a challenge for me, more of a i don't want her to think i have turned on her or something ( this is the kind of thing my boyfriend gets upset about, says i give in too much), but with that in mind i know what i have to do to make things better in the long run! I thank you two so much! Its hard being a good mother, friend, role model, and "mean mommy" (is what my daughter says every time i put her in time out) but its got to be done. I will keep you two updated and once again thank you again!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Lisa, all of specialmoms ideas are right on and definitely worth trying. We both post on the child behavior forum and do see issues like these over there.
Besides all the good advice that specialmom gave I would add a few more general things.
What ever you do, it will not affect a change over night. It takes about 3 weeks of immediate, consistent action to make a change in behavior happen. Thus you need to pick just one thing that bothers you a lot and work on it. So take specialmoms suggestions and consistently repeat them. They won't work immediately, but if you are consistent - they will work.
She mentioned the love and logic program. Its by fay and cline. They have several books out. And its worth getting the one appropriate for her. Essentially it gives you a system (a very good system) that will enable you to be consistent.
I noticed that you said, "now two years later they fight like normal siblings do." I think its a bit weird that a two year old and a 5 year old are fighting. Definitely in 2 or 3 more years. But now? Anyway - Don't allow it. The second they start fighting (a 2 year old can fight?) split them up. if its over a toy take it away. If you don't stop this now it will only get worse.
Finally, check out some of the posts over on the child behavior forum. You are definitely not the only one having these kind of problems. Many times it does have something to do with a new addition - and of course, it could be the sign of more things going on.
Oh, a really good thing to do is to buy a series of books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd that are meant to be read to the kids at night. The books deal with handling emotion. Kids really do need to be taught this. And it also makes for a great one on one time. Check out "Cool down and work through Anger" found here - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
And, if you scroll down you will find other appropriate books.
Let us know how things are working out!
Besides all the good advice that specialmom gave I would add a few more general things.
What ever you do, it will not affect a change over night. It takes about 3 weeks of immediate, consistent action to make a change in behavior happen. Thus you need to pick just one thing that bothers you a lot and work on it. So take specialmoms suggestions and consistently repeat them. They won't work immediately, but if you are consistent - they will work.
She mentioned the love and logic program. Its by fay and cline. They have several books out. And its worth getting the one appropriate for her. Essentially it gives you a system (a very good system) that will enable you to be consistent.
I noticed that you said, "now two years later they fight like normal siblings do." I think its a bit weird that a two year old and a 5 year old are fighting. Definitely in 2 or 3 more years. But now? Anyway - Don't allow it. The second they start fighting (a 2 year old can fight?) split them up. if its over a toy take it away. If you don't stop this now it will only get worse.
Finally, check out some of the posts over on the child behavior forum. You are definitely not the only one having these kind of problems. Many times it does have something to do with a new addition - and of course, it could be the sign of more things going on.
Oh, a really good thing to do is to buy a series of books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd that are meant to be read to the kids at night. The books deal with handling emotion. Kids really do need to be taught this. And it also makes for a great one on one time. Check out "Cool down and work through Anger" found here - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
And, if you scroll down you will find other appropriate books.
Let us know how things are working out!
You are so welcome. I'm having a rough mom night myself . . . I totally understand how hard it is sometimes. Hang in there. Hope you can make some progress this summer and then can decide what to do once you see how she adjusts to school. peace and luck to you and your family
Yes! You have great advice and i will sure try what you had to say. . Thank you so much!
Oh, I'm telling you. It is so hard being a mom sometimes, isn't it? It is always that hard job of deciding what is normal and what isn't, how to handle things, etc. as well as the basic frustration you can have with your bundle of joy. We all deserve medals if I do say so myself!
Some kids do have more than the typical defiant thing going on. You'll figure this out pretty quickly once she starts school. That will be very telling as with something like add/adhd, you must have it at home AND somewhere else like school. My own son does not have add/adhd but sensory integration disorder which looks a heck of a lot like add/adhd at times and it is at school that things are the roughest. All his issues with trying to control his environment are really challenged there.
For my boy, there ended up being more than what is normal kid issues going on. I felt bad because I too was highly frustrated before I knew about his diagnosis. He actually was trying as hard as he can but his nervous system just didn't cooperate. Once we knew what the problem was, we could work on it and things have gotten SO much better.
I would say in this summer before school, I'd work on her behavior with great patience and empathy but none the less firmly. I'd gently place boundaries. No yelling for example. If she yells, you will not speak to her until she stops and uses her speaking voice. Ignore her until she does. If she is yelling at her sibling, walk her to her room telling her she can come out when she uses her happy voice and can not fight with her sibling, shut the door behind you. When she comes out, if she is still carrying on, she goes back in the room. This is the time out technique taught by the Love and Logic program that I think works pretty well.
Work on lots of outlets for her energy. Things like climbing play sets, running through sprinklers, swimming, bike riding, jumping on a trampoline are all great and I'd do as much of these things as possible. It calms the nervous system.
I'd talk to her about her 'engine'. Her body can be too fast, too slow or just right. Just right feels best. When she is hyper, her engine is too fast. How can she slow it down? She can give herself a hug, push her hands together hard, do a wall push up, take deep breaths, etc. this is a great way for kids to become in tune with how their body feels and that they can control it if they so wish.
But really, I'd wait until kindergarten starts. You'll get a good idea if something more is happening then. If so, you ask for a formal evaluation from the school and from there, you put a plan together to start things in school to help her. We are always here too with ideas to share. good luck
Some kids do have more than the typical defiant thing going on. You'll figure this out pretty quickly once she starts school. That will be very telling as with something like add/adhd, you must have it at home AND somewhere else like school. My own son does not have add/adhd but sensory integration disorder which looks a heck of a lot like add/adhd at times and it is at school that things are the roughest. All his issues with trying to control his environment are really challenged there.
For my boy, there ended up being more than what is normal kid issues going on. I felt bad because I too was highly frustrated before I knew about his diagnosis. He actually was trying as hard as he can but his nervous system just didn't cooperate. Once we knew what the problem was, we could work on it and things have gotten SO much better.
I would say in this summer before school, I'd work on her behavior with great patience and empathy but none the less firmly. I'd gently place boundaries. No yelling for example. If she yells, you will not speak to her until she stops and uses her speaking voice. Ignore her until she does. If she is yelling at her sibling, walk her to her room telling her she can come out when she uses her happy voice and can not fight with her sibling, shut the door behind you. When she comes out, if she is still carrying on, she goes back in the room. This is the time out technique taught by the Love and Logic program that I think works pretty well.
Work on lots of outlets for her energy. Things like climbing play sets, running through sprinklers, swimming, bike riding, jumping on a trampoline are all great and I'd do as much of these things as possible. It calms the nervous system.
I'd talk to her about her 'engine'. Her body can be too fast, too slow or just right. Just right feels best. When she is hyper, her engine is too fast. How can she slow it down? She can give herself a hug, push her hands together hard, do a wall push up, take deep breaths, etc. this is a great way for kids to become in tune with how their body feels and that they can control it if they so wish.
But really, I'd wait until kindergarten starts. You'll get a good idea if something more is happening then. If so, you ask for a formal evaluation from the school and from there, you put a plan together to start things in school to help her. We are always here too with ideas to share. good luck
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