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Am I being selfish?
Hi everyone,
I wanted to get your opinions on my situation. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's approxmately half a year ago. Since then my siblings and I (I have one older brother and one older sister) have been visiting her at her house, taking her on outtings, and making sure she takes her meds, with my sister spending the most time with her. I am currently finishing my last semester in grad school and my schedule is a bit hectic with an internship and commuting, so I see her approximately 3 times a week.
Growing up, my family life was filled with abuse and neglect on the part of my parents and some relatives. I am not very close to my family (with the exceptions of my siblings) I have a very strained relationship with my parents (divorced), but am better off keeping it that way. I have always wanted to move away from San Francisco and explore I want to be able to start a new chapter of my life. My grandmother moved in with my siblings and I when I dad moved away when I was 10. She took care of us, but still had emotional problems of her own that she took out on us, but I knew she loved us.
Sorry to babble, but I just want to give you guys the background story. My problem is that I want to move to New York in about half a year. I currently live in San Francisco with my siblings and my dad. (I know it might seem odd that I live with my dad, consiering we barely speak, but I moved back home from college when I was 22 and have been in the rat race to make money and complete grad school ever since(I am not 26). My goal has always been to leave this city and distance myself from a majority of my family, in hopes of being a happier person that i currently am. At this time in my life, I would like to explore the world around me. I have never been on a vacation, never left the country, and feel like it's high time that I live my life! However, with my grandmothers diagnosis, I don't know what to do. I have a feeling that my sister will become her primary caretaker (despite the fact that my dad and three uncles also live in the city, and visit her on a weekly basis). I know how stressed and upset I feel when my grandmother is having a bad day (which is most of the time) and can imagine how my sister feels. I don't know if my sister will resent me if I move away, I see her voluntarily taking on more responsibility. She is not the type who would express her feelings, and she knows of my plans to move (she's known about it for years) and has not said anything about it.
So, bottom line: AM I BEING SELFISH? I am open to your advice, and would appreciate constructive criticism. Thanks!
I wanted to get your opinions on my situation. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's approxmately half a year ago. Since then my siblings and I (I have one older brother and one older sister) have been visiting her at her house, taking her on outtings, and making sure she takes her meds, with my sister spending the most time with her. I am currently finishing my last semester in grad school and my schedule is a bit hectic with an internship and commuting, so I see her approximately 3 times a week.
Growing up, my family life was filled with abuse and neglect on the part of my parents and some relatives. I am not very close to my family (with the exceptions of my siblings) I have a very strained relationship with my parents (divorced), but am better off keeping it that way. I have always wanted to move away from San Francisco and explore I want to be able to start a new chapter of my life. My grandmother moved in with my siblings and I when I dad moved away when I was 10. She took care of us, but still had emotional problems of her own that she took out on us, but I knew she loved us.
Sorry to babble, but I just want to give you guys the background story. My problem is that I want to move to New York in about half a year. I currently live in San Francisco with my siblings and my dad. (I know it might seem odd that I live with my dad, consiering we barely speak, but I moved back home from college when I was 22 and have been in the rat race to make money and complete grad school ever since(I am not 26). My goal has always been to leave this city and distance myself from a majority of my family, in hopes of being a happier person that i currently am. At this time in my life, I would like to explore the world around me. I have never been on a vacation, never left the country, and feel like it's high time that I live my life! However, with my grandmothers diagnosis, I don't know what to do. I have a feeling that my sister will become her primary caretaker (despite the fact that my dad and three uncles also live in the city, and visit her on a weekly basis). I know how stressed and upset I feel when my grandmother is having a bad day (which is most of the time) and can imagine how my sister feels. I don't know if my sister will resent me if I move away, I see her voluntarily taking on more responsibility. She is not the type who would express her feelings, and she knows of my plans to move (she's known about it for years) and has not said anything about it.
So, bottom line: AM I BEING SELFISH? I am open to your advice, and would appreciate constructive criticism. Thanks!
no, you are not being selfish. you deserve to work toward the life you want. you know your grandmother will be taken care of. i am dealing with my elderly mother and it's very rewarding but hard to watch--i hope if i am in that situation my children make sure i'm looked after but continue to live their best lives. move to new york, live your best life, offer your sister and your grandmother whatever support you can, even if it's just acknowledging to your sister the burden that she is shouldering and your appreciation of her.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hey Girl first let me say its so hard on anyone to watch a love one with Alzheimer's , as i watch my mom it takes your heart out a little at a time and its not easy trying to fit into her world, as you dont know what to do for her and when.
you should not feel any guilt at all, your a young lady that needs to have a life and your grandmother would not want you giving up anything that could change your life for the Better.
enjoy life and go after what you want. your grandmother had that chance when she was your age and am sure she would want the same for you. your sister has made her choice and you need to make yours. dont let life pass you by. i know i keep my mom and its hard lots of days, and if your not careful you can have hard feelings for your love ones if you are doing something you really dont want to do and your plans have be put aside. sounds to me like shes got plenty to look after her so NO DONT FEEL BAD, get out there and make your life.
you should not feel any guilt at all, your a young lady that needs to have a life and your grandmother would not want you giving up anything that could change your life for the Better.
enjoy life and go after what you want. your grandmother had that chance when she was your age and am sure she would want the same for you. your sister has made her choice and you need to make yours. dont let life pass you by. i know i keep my mom and its hard lots of days, and if your not careful you can have hard feelings for your love ones if you are doing something you really dont want to do and your plans have be put aside. sounds to me like shes got plenty to look after her so NO DONT FEEL BAD, get out there and make your life.
Hi there! Sorry for your troubles-I too, am dealing with a grandmother w/dementia issues & I know all about the guilt. No,you are absolutely NOT being selfish! Doesn't even matter what your family history is-you have a full life ahead of you & you should grab whatever life has to offer you. This is not a fair disease & it isn't fair that anyone should have to take care of your grandmother but sounds like there are other options in your family. Now, stepping outside of the dementia issues-please don't think that you will find happiness for yourself by simply moving-that's just geography.I have yet to ever hear of a person finding happiness by moving alone! & if you are going to drag some guilt with you you could quite possibly end up more miserable.Happiness is within yourself. Please do what YOU need to do & if that means moving then that's what you do. Your sister will need little breaks from time to time so maybe you could come home & help her a couple times of year. I hope this helps a little & if there is anything else I could do or just lend an ear-please don't hesitate. Take care! "P"
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