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Trouble at night asking when we can go to bed.

My spouse is 70 and has what I feel stage 6 as hes shadowing and afraid to be alone even in our house that we lived in over 30 years and other issues too.

Afraid to go upstairs by himself so after dinner constantly asking when we are going to bed and if I say it's too early he gets upset.

He wont just relax downstairs until it's time, so I find this is one of the things I am losing my patience with.

I work from home so we are together all day, so its not that he wants alone time. It's just the two of us.

Any suggestions?

Thank you
4 Responses
212161 tn?1537894445
COMMUNITY LEADER
hi, so sorry ya are going threw this, my mom was the same way and i learn to make life easier for him and you , you have to learn to go into his world, he no longer lives in yours.   we have to give up a lot but we love them so its easy to do, he will never understand its to early, so if you could go up with him and maybe he will fall asleep than you could go back down, or take whatever your doing up stairs, i know thats not fun but believe me its better than getting him all up set and making it harder on you , plus sad to say what time he has left you dont want him more confused and up set.  plus you need a break, get a care taker or a family member that can come in and help you out, as i found out we need a break and if we dont get one we start getting mad at them and its nothing they can help, i am sure they would rather not have it. so please try and get help look into your state and see if they offer free help some do. prayers for ya and always here to talk .... Heart
2 Comments
oh can you ask his dr for something you can give him at night just to help him relax that might give you more time doing what you need to do and make him relaxed and better being not in bed
Thank you so much for your input and that helps a great deal knowing I need to live in his world now and not mine. That really makes good sense. I will try to hold him off as long as I can without upsetting him. I am going to ask the doctor for a light sleeping aid for him as he wakes all hours of the night, and wakes me up as well as he is afraid and roams around. I talk to him and help him get back to sleep so I can too.

As far as help, I work from home and I have family across the street, but the problem is he is very stubborn about having someone come sit with him if I have to go out, so I take him with me for the most part, but if  he agrees for me to leave for 5 minutes I catch hell when I return, as he feels like it is hours of course. He is not that far gone yet, so he won't let me bring my niece over to sit with him, but I am assuming at some point he will be and I will just have someone come over just to be sure he is safe.

Sorry about your mom.  I she still with you?

Thanks again from Sunrise





212161 tn?1537894445
COMMUNITY LEADER
how are ya doing ?
1 Comments
Good morning. We went to the doctor Friday and he prescribed Zolpidem to help him sleep. 5mg and told me if one does not work, double it.

Friday I gave him one and although it did not get him thru the whole night, when he woke early morning, I reminded him of the time and he went back to sleep.

Now Saturday night I gave him one and he slept only for a few hours and then paced all night. He not only paces though, he wants me up too as I know he is afraid of everything now especially that feeling he is alone. He forgets to look beside him in bed to see I am there, so when I see him pacing I talk to him to see what he needs yadee yadee...but its exhausting as I work an 8 hour day, luckily at home though. Since it was a Saturday/Sunday I can deal.

Now last night I decided to try him with 2 pills in hopes he slept thru the night as he was sleeping off and on all day yesterday while we watched TV. That was a bad decision though as he went into a deep sleep for about 2 hours and the night was just awful for us both.

He roamed the house upstairs and down, but the ranting and raving. Where is everyone. Why did I not tell him about the party. Where was I, yadee yadee.... I could not help him go back to sleep. He was just so agitated. Not doing that again. I will give him one pill and will take as much sleep as that one give us. :)

and you? is your Mom still with you or has she passed on now?
212161 tn?1537894445
COMMUNITY LEADER
good glad he gave him something , now maybe ya can both get sleep hows he doing now
1 Comments
I have to say the same and hello again. I am giving him one pill before bedtime but he still only seeps a few hours and then starts with the questions and getting agitated when he does not like my answer. Doctor told me when he wakes up in the middle of the night, then give him another pill but that did not work out so good last night. He took the pill from me but then I was not sure if he took it or lost it so I did not want to give him another. Right night again.

I know I have to live in his world now but it just does not seem fair to me,  his caregiver, when he does  not want to go out to eat with me and my sister's family, or have them over for dinner.  So should I let him know I will then be going without him or give in to him. It just is not fair that I have to give in to him all the time as he is very possessive  of me and does not want to share me with my family.

I never go out without him now, not even for a haircut. He won't let me bring in anyone to sit with him while I go, so he sits at the beauty parlor with me and stares, making those expressions saying are you done yet when he can plainly see I am not.

My sister just moved down by me last year with her two daughters, and for 35 years it was just my spouse and I,  as I had no family here by me until last year, and he just seems to be very jealous of them. I hardly see them for this reason and if the little one comes over after school looking for a snack, as her Mom is usually working, he is obviously very annoyed.  I try not to even pay attention to him but down inside I am screaming.

Our son passed away 20 years ago at the age of 12, may he rest in peace, and I have no children, no grandchildren so it gives me such pleasure to have the girls here now. I have to have some pleasure in life while caring for my spouse.

He is not at the point that he does not know who they are, so he knows them for sure, so is he being selfish by allowing  me to be happy, or am I being selfish by not giving in to him 100% of the time?

Appreciate your input  once again.



212161 tn?1537894445
COMMUNITY LEADER
hey wanted to check in and see how things are going
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