Do i have an eating disorder

[ticked]

Okay here goes.  When i was in highschool a ways back i never really cared about my weight, maybe because i was skinny at the time.  I have always been size 7-8 and weighted between 120-130 (5'6).   One day i was with my friend who was a size 0 and she was complaining that she was fat. She continued to do this for some time and I eventually started thinking that if she is fat what am I.  There were periods where i would purge after i ate, sometimes I wouldnt have to stick my finger down my throat because i did it so often.  Than there were times that I just didnt eat.  i would smoke to suppress my appetite. During those times i was doing drugs and not eating right in general and had very low self esteem.  

15 yrs later, One kid behind my belt, quit smoking and was diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis, Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue symdrome. I have to be on a special diet that makes me crave bad food so when i fall off the wagon i fall of the wagon.  I cant stop eating.   I now feel the urge to purge and starve. Sometimes i binge than i feel guilty i make myself throw up. Its worse with the endo because my stomach is always inflammed so i feel bloated and sick in my stomach all the time. I feel fat.  I know that I am not fat but i will step on my scale and be 135 one week and the next 145.  I almost lose it. I am not sure if its because of the meds that I am on (lupron and before BCP) I feel hungry all the time but i will starve myself sometimes because i dont want to gain anymore weight.  When i gain weight my stomach hurts alot, but when i am under 135 i dont feel that pain. It isnt in my head either, its like my body has to be a certain weight in order for me to feel comfortable.  I do monthly enemas when i feel really fat. I feel that 2 weeks out of the month I get pretty obsessive about  my wieght.  Can hormones cause annorexia or Bulimia?  

I purge maybe 5 times a month and starve myself for about 3 months at a time than binge. i cant stop

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Dear Ticked,

Due to your desire to drop weight below your natural weight range, it sounds like you went to extreme measures causing you to become bulimic.  In an attempt to stay at a low body weight, it is not uncommon to switch from bulimia to drug use and smoking to suppress one’s appetite.  Now 15 years later, your special diet for your medical condition is setting you up for deprivation.  Instead of seeing this as a diet and restriction, see this meal plan as something healthy, supportive and loving.  As much as you can, let go of the need to lose weight.  This strong desire to lose weight is creating stress and causing you to resort to unhealthy eating and purging behaviors.  Instead of these self-harm behaviors, focus on nurturing behaviors such as, call a friend, commune with nature, take a bubble bath, get a massage, take a walk, be in the moment as you enjoy your child, etc.  Professional help with a therapist can help you address ways to best cope with your medical condition and life’s issues.  Hormones and medicines can complicate your over well being. Speak to your medical doctor about their impact.  It sounds like you have had bouts with an eating disorder when you place focus on deprivation and on losing weight.  Try trusting your body to go back to its natural body weight.  You can also visit our website to learn more about bulimia and binge eating disorder.


Best,

Dr. Pitts

Patricia Pitts, PhD
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA 90041
[phone]‎

[ticked]

Thanks for all your kind words really.  I actually did throw away my scale last week.  I realise that I do have a problem.  I have to be on a special diet because i have endometriosis and with that it doesnt help because I fall off the wagon and binge excessively than i feel like **** so I purge or stop eating. The diet it so hard to follow and even thinking of eating grains and vegetables with no red meat, no sugar, no caffine, dairy etc makes me want to throw up. I hate food but I love it.  I cant stop thinking that i look completely gross to look at in the mirror with no clothes. I dont know why i think that because not one person ever made a bad comment about my body.  I dont know where this stems from. I dont get it.  I am obsessive about food and i cant get it out of my head. I am always looking for a new recipe to make.  I dont feel like i have control when it comes to food.  I was fine with the control until after all this hormone stuff started to happen.  There was a long time there were i didnt binge and purge or starve myself.  That is why i think that my hormones are doing this to me.  Before i did it because i really wanted to be skinny. Now i dont want to be skinny i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.  I dont think that I am fat all the time, its seems as though its just certain times of the month, and since I am on a medication that induces menapause it doesnt really help I am bloated and feel like **** mentally and physically.  I try to work out but i get tired and i give up after a few months. I become completely burnt out, and during those times I am eating so healthy but I feel still like ****.

I know that i have an underlying issue with eating but I really think my hormones play a big part in this expecially since having my daughter 5yrs ago.

I dont know what to say I just feel so confused and alone. I want to tell my mother but she doesnt need this on her plate right now, and she doesnt really care anyways, she will just tell me to get over it just like my other disease i have lived with for 15yrs.  

[crystalfresh]

Start by throwing away your scale.

[crystalfresh]

And very important. Set a goal. Don't just start with out a set goal like I did because you kinda forget what you wanted to look like and sometimes goes to far. Talk to others on here that purge and stop eating. How many of them keep muscle, none they loose more muscle before they loose fat. It just doesn't work.

[crystalfresh]

I can also tell you something. When I was a little kid, I am a man now, but when I was little I was fat and considered a bit over weight. Made fun of by children in my school for being over weight. So it was not my imagination. It hurt, after years of being the fat kid I went on a diet. I understand what desperate people do. I have been there. I was so happy to be skinny that I didn't stop. Then it was just a challenge to loose more weight. I suppose that was an eating disorder when it became a challenge. I was 5'9" and 107 lbs when I looked in the mirror and finally realized I was stick and bones and still soft looking. I said gross looking at my self. I never even looked how skinny I got just the scale. That was where I turned it around and started working out. I learned to eat correctly and put on weight. At 145 lbs I looked skinnier than when I looked sickly at 107. Yes I looked REALLY sickly. With muscle now on my body skin is pulled tight.

So when people starve to look thin they have it all wrong. You starve and binge to look sick. You eat properly and exercise to look tight and thin. Who cares what a person weighs if they look good? Again please talk to your doctor if you still have the urge to purge or stop eating. It pushes you away from your goal for false short term results that will not stay. It's like a drug. After your metabolism slows down you have to do it more and more before you know it you start dropping muscle and getting softer looking.

[crystalfresh]

If you still have the urge to purge or starve this is a mental problem. Looking healthy and the way of thinking are 2 different subjects. The thought of oh well I will eat it then puke it up always backfires. There are so many things that happen after you purge. It doesn't stop there because your body reacts to it. So if you are not eating on a regular schedule or urged to purge you know that you need to talk to your doctor. And your goal of being thinner looking will not be obtained from this action. All you will do is loose muscle and look softer. Please talk to your doctor if you can not stop and eat on a schedule.

Also understand you require enough food of a balanced kind to keep your metabolism up. Each person needs a minimum of stuff. This is really hard to determine and a licensed nutritionist will help you determine how much of what you need. Take notes from them and ask them to write everything down. Eating correctly will produce results the kind you want.

[crystalfresh]

You can condition your intestine to become sensitive. Just an example, eating produces acid. Purging it up removes all the food. The body can still produce more acid as it is not expecting you to purge. Acid burns. You can cause ulcers and or shrink your stomach so when you do eat you get pain and puke. Before you know it you can't eat and the condition needs to be reversed by medical treatment. There is a law in the USA if you are from here that states a doctor can not tell anyone what you tell them when you tell them it can not be shared. I think talking to your doctor is a good start. All you need to do is set up a consultation and talk. Listen and see options. Besides all this what you are doing is wrong and will result in possibly gaining more weight. You hear it all the time people loosing lots of weight just to gain it all back. Learn how to eat healthy and keep eating meals. The correct way is to naturally (not with meds) eat proper nutrition and your body will start to burn correctly with out effort.

I don't know what you see in the mirror? You might have a healthy goal or never be satisfied. Either way you must eat, and never purge. More importantly eat more often so you don't get to the point of being so hungry.

Also when you skip meals too long it can cause a depressing feeling. Remember it is what you eat, not how much you eat. But to the point of where you are now, if you are skipping meals to loose weight and purging there is a very very serious side that needs counseling. You don't strike me as being to far in trouble to stop. I think you can learn the correct way to eat and things will balance out.

Never compare your weight to someone else. NEVER. lol Each person is built differently. Hip BONES are different shapes. You can take a person with slender hips and very over weight next to a wide boned person and the wide boned person will have a larger size clothing. Muscle is so much heaver than fat. And so on. I was a fat kid when I was little. It was all the junk I ate. I found out that better than dieting and better than starving just eating healthy and taking my vitamins put me at a very lean weight naturally. In my case because of a IBS problem I can't eat junk foods so I am forced to eat healthy. But that's the key. Sometimes it harder than said to give up those things we love the most like chocolate and candies, chips and dips. But if you eat them and puke them up you do more harm then if you just digest them.

It's ok to eat the bad stuff. Just learn how to eat them. Non dairy chocolate has less fat. Baked chips vs fried, ect. There are less guilt foods that you can eat and be ok with. Fat free yogurt icecream. You don't have to give up what you love, just choose wisely. But you must eat and digest your foods, no ememas, if you want to keep your metabolism working to burn fats and not muscles. Toss out your scale in the trash. Weight doesn't mean a thing. Muscle it HOT and it weighs a lot.

[ticked]

I feel sick when i eat. My stomach hurts all the time when I eat the slightest thing.  The only thing that doesnt hurt is when i eat fish or vegetables. everything else causes havock to my intestines.  So when i do it all that because i feel bloated and i cant feel that way because it hurts so I do that. I know I am justifying why I do it and I know that i need help and i am going to but I am afraid of what my doctor will think and what anyone would think.  i know its getting worse.  Thanks for all the comments

[crystalfresh]

Yes that is a serious eating disorder. First off. Starving your self can act like pulling back on a rubber band. Just makes you more hungry. The enemas are sooo bad for this. And throwing up just stretches your tummy and then empties it keeping it hungry all time. Skipping meals slows your metabolism so when you eat you gain more weight at the same time using your muscle for bodies nutritional needs loosing muscle and gaining fat.

You are in a cycle that is not only working but making it worst and it is also harmful for you. I can't start to tell you the correct way since first you need to straighten out the serious disorder. If then you are over weight which I can not comment on you can talk to your doctor about a plan to loose weight. But I guaranty this method you are using will backfire all the time even if you have small results the weight gain will be more than you loose in the long run or you will get your self very ill and sick trying.

The way to loose weight is to eat scheduled meals that fill what your body needs with exercise. Once you start putting more in and purging more out you throw off your stomach balance and all. I can offer a second opinion that is talk to a doctor and tell them what you are doing. You ARE hurting your self and your health.

There is a clear difference between being on a diet and harming your body. Your body is like a fine tuned engine and you just can't start doing things that are not meant to be done with out something bad happening later.

It is ok to eat. It's not how much you eat but what you eat. Remember that. Eating is good and needed. You need a specific amount of food flowing through you to keep intestines working and all. Prevent acid from building up and so on.

You really need to stop this. There is a proper way to do this if needed but believe it or not eating is better than not eating. Eating keeps the metabolism going fast to burn what you don't want and keep the muscle that you do want. People with eating disorders never see that. Getting to a lower weight just happens naturally if you do it correctly and your body will settle in to it's own weight that is right for you. But if you don't eat correctly and scheduled properly this throws the body out of wack and it doesn't know what to do so it stores food.

Then here comes the worst part. If a person looses muscle they will never look tight. No matter how much a person starves them self they won't ever look like they want to. So eating correctly keeps the muscle. Please seek help from your doctor.

[AddictivePersonality212]

yes you have an eating disorder check yourself into a rehab for eating disorders. It could also be that you have body dysmorphia. and now im starting to feel fat....