Hi Friend,
I think the clonazapam may be causing rebound anxiety---maybe not, but this may be a possibility, speaking from personal experience (not medical experience). When I have trouble doing something, like getting an appointment, and I cannot get myself to try anymore, I may "bookend" with a friend. That means I may tell them what I intend to do (call the office and attempt to make the appointment) everyday...until I get one--or find another answer. So I would call my friend and bookend to make that call. It seems you really need to get into see someone. And, I would pray, pray, pray for God to send His comfort and guidance. I am now "practicing" feeling the presence of God, I am not used to feeling Him, but used to feeling the same feelings you are. I do believe He is here with me. So I choose to practice feeling Him around me, surrounding me with love and care. Also, I go to AA and am going to start Al-Anon because I believe you and I need support groups. Is there any group you can go to????? And I love texting because it is a great way to feel connected. I am saying a prayer for you. This all is my prayer for you and for everyone that reads this.....also there are lots of "anonymous" meetings you can listen to by phone. Google the type of program and anonymous and phone meetings. They help me even when I don't have "that problem." Plus there are some great recovery chat rooms. Please don't give up home. I know you are on a reservation, but I would also suggest a church. My faith is my HOPE. I want you to have HOPE. Hang on till it comes.
Big Hug,
Marie