Advice needed please

[bjohns02]

My brother now at the age of 21 was diagnosed with asburgers 2 years ago.  He plays world of war craft continuously. He gets the tamptrums he refuses to live life alone and is very very smart but had horrible grades. He took the act got almost a 30 without even trying just to prove a point to my mother but yet he made d’s and f’s in school he never had friends nor has he ever had a girl friend. He can be extremely well behaved until anything changes in his life then he acts badly just like a child. he is now living with me because he scares my mother with his tantrums he really dose not know his own strength he has accidently broken doors and other things without even knowing what he has done. I have tried to help him get a job he does not say no but he starts making out this list saying that he can’t work with a lot of people or money or food. He refuses to drive he is extremely afraid of it almost passes out in a driver seat without the car ever being on. He was first diagnosed when he was younger with ADHD and ADD because he had to go to a specialist over hitting his preschool teacher over her head with a chair. We all just thought he was sico until the year before last when we took him to a therapist (bribed him) who assured us that he had asburgers. I got on here looking for advise me and my husband have been married for a year and I love my brother but he just can’t live with us forever I have tried my hardest to get him some dependency on his own but today he told me that he will not live by himself that if we made him move that it would just make him kill himself because he can’t be by himself. I needed advice on how to handle a asburgers person in this circumstance or how to get him to venture in the outside world like get a job or just have a relationship with someone anyone I know in my heart that if he just found the right person or the right job he would be fine he would find the meaning to it all I guess that is what I am trying to say. If you have any pointers anything at all please let me know.  Also I have tried to get him government help like insurance and or a check they told me that a person with asburgers could live a normal life that there is no reason why he could not get a job or support his self that’s what they told me to my face and I am the kind of person that would never ask from the government but yea that’s what they said. If they only knew I can’t even get my brother out of the house he refuses to leave he has to be bribed (kind of like reverse sociology if he thinks it is his idea then he will try it) to do anything I just need help or advise or something. Please help.

[copernicus581]

I have AS and am a Junior in High School. Let me tell you a bit about my perspective on what is happening to your brother and how he feels. He and i, along with other aspies do not see the world the way that you or other neurologically fundamentally functioning people do. It is extremely, almost unbearably difficult for me to come to school everyday. It drains me of all of my energy, strength and will and i often must fight with my parents. I also play World of Warcraft like your brother and i put a lot of heart into the game, a lot of effort and a lot of my time. Everyday, kids and adults alike with Aspergers have to deal with social conventions something that makes us incredibly uncomfortable and something we struggle and frustrate ourselves with understanding. For example, for me, it is hard to make eye contact with people when speaking to them. I often just stare or look around and that is how i receive information from you, by looking around i can actually focus my listening abilities on what you are saying. If i were to look directly at you, i would be focusing on everything else in the room and be so nervous and neurotic i could not handle the situation. I often cannot hear sarcasm in peoples voices, it's hard to detect the decibel changes. So for your brother it is probably VERY hard to interact with people in life. It is probably very difficult to understand people and the way they work, as well as cope in a reality situation like a job setting or friendship setting. Essentially a solution to this issue, is to slowly support and help him to realize the Pros vs the Cons of getting a job, getting some friends and a place of his own, handling his own money, driving etc.etc. I know without my parents and some of my teachers support i could never come to school the way i do. I would find it absolutely impossible. So, in short, help your brother to get out into the world by SLOW, gradual, encouraging support and introducing a Pros and Cons list of certain things you'd like him to accomplish.

[bjohns02]

thank you. i have been getting him to try new things slowly and he has been doing alot better my next big learning exsperence is moving temporaroly to a place with no internet. hopflly i can keep him occupied without WOW for awhile. is there anything that you like to do that dose not put alot of stress on you when you dont have interent? i sugested bowling and some other things but he is really upseat that he wont be able to play WOW so he is turnning down everything and now is just plain mad at me for moving.

[copernicus581]

Not particularly, i get extremely distressed without my internet as well. I just watch a movie or two or play some type of video game that doesn't require internet. If it was long term..i don't think i could compose myself...ultimately it would lead to a meltdown.