why can't people understand what pain is like and have sympathy for that person

Question

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN,I FIND IT HARD TO TELL THEM ,I TEND TO SUFFER IN SILIENCE,AS I DON'T WISH THEM TO THINK I AM A MOANER,I ALWAYS FEEL I GET ON THERE NERVES,I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE .MY MONEY WORRIES BRING ON MORE PAIN,I AM NOT A WORK SHY PERSON, I HAVE ALWAYS WORKED HARD .BUT NOW I FEEL SO USELESS,I FEEL A BURDEN ON MY FAMILY ,IF YOU CAN ADVICE ME ,HOW CAN I EXLPAIN TO EVERYONE HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A MOANER, THANK YOU TRACY WATKINS

RJ233 · Answer

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 
Glad your family got to share it with you.You are not selfish in any way. Just talk to us, let it out. We all need that. Hope everything works out for you.

crohnic · Answer

Your welcome tracehel....remember....you said it ....you can get things off your chest on this site and yes....we do understand.  Let us know how you get on with pain clinic and job centre.  We're all thinkin' of you....keep in touch.

tracehel · Answer

THANKS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES .IT WAS LOVELY TO HAVE THE FAMILY ROUND BUT VERY  EXHAUSTING.TODAY PAIN TAKES OVER ,I FEEL SO TIRED.
I WISH THEY WOULD HURRY UP AT THE PAIN CLINIC PERHAPS THE NEXT LOT OF INJECTIONS WILL HELP ME. THERE I GO AGAIN FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF.I AM GOING NEXT WEEK TO THE JOB CENTRE TO SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO,LETS HOPE I GET SOME COMMON SENSE.
I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE AND THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WITH THE SAME THINGS AS US. I SHOULDN'T BE SO SELFISH ,I FIND THAT I CAN GET THINGS OF MY CHEST ON THIS SITE AND YOU ALL UNDERSTAND WHY.
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES TRACESHEL

catwoman123 · Answer

Happy Birthday! We are all here for you. It is so hard to live with chronic pain, you feel it but nobody can see it. You are not alone - ever in even your darkest hours. I have been there and will be there again I'm afraid that is the nature of what we have. That's why you can only do what you can do in life and accept some things you will never be able to do again. Or try doing things in a different way, or pacing as they keep telling me at the pain clinic. Fight for what you are entitled to, if they say no, fight again. I know about brain fog, its yukky! You will get there eventually....andfind a way to cop. Keep positive we are all in the same boat as the other person said. Least we are not alone. Love and best wishes on your birthday.

crohnic · Answer

Happy Birthday tracehel,
don't go down the road that you did something bad.  You said it was nice to have family round...and you also know now you are thought of a lot....these are positive things!
You keep on that positive road.  Hey, listen...in this life we can only do our best....you seem like you're doing that...keep it up (we know it's hard) and let us know how you're getting on ok?

tracehel · Answer

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUN HAVE TO PERIST  IN GETTING YOUR POINT ACROSS,BUT I JUST FIND IT HARD TO KEEP FILLING IN FORMS AND MADE TO FEEL LIKE A SCRONGER,.I HAVE WORKED HARD ,I KNOW I'M INTITLED TO SOME HELP,BUT AT THE MOMENT I FIND IT HARD TO PUT THINGS IN THE RIGHT TEXT.I GET BRAIN FOG NEARLY ALL THE TIME LATELY ,ITS PART OF MY PROBLEM.HOW DO THEY EXPECT YOU TO TELL THEM IN GREAT DETAIL HOW YOU FEEL,AND HOW EVERYDAY THINGS AFFECT YOU. STRESS OF EVERYTHING  DOESN;T HELP MY DEPRESSPION IT MAKES IT WORSE.I THINK I WILL HAVE TO GET A FAMILY MEMBER TO HELP .I HAVE JUST TRIED TO CLAIM INCAPITY BENEFIT ,I POSTED THIS FORM TODAY ,LETSBHOPE I CAN GET A LITTLE HELP.I HAVE TO GO TO THE JOB CENTRE SOON, AS THEY THINK THAT I HAVEN'T GOT A JOB TO GO BACK TO.I HAVE,WHETHERV I CAN DO THE SAME TASKS IS ANOTHER MATTER,BUT I HAVE TO FACE THAT WHEN I COME TO IT. 
LETS HOPE THAT THE NEXT INJECTIONS TO MY NECK AND SHOULDERS WORK MORE THAN THE FIRST LOT.I REALLY WISH TO THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT.I WISH I COULD SCREAM OUT LOUD..... 
WHY IS IT ME,I OFTEN SAY TO MYSELF, WHY.,(I MUST HAVE BE BAD BUT WHEN)  I ONLY HAVE DONE GOOD,HELP FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND MY ELDERS
AND ANYONE THAT NEEDED IT .IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I HAD MY FAMILY CALL IN ,IT WAS NICE,I KNOW NOW I AM THOUGHT OF ALOT, WHICH HELPSLETS HOPE THINGS IMPROVE ON THE FINACLE SIDE.I ONLY WON'T A LITTLE HELP
I MUST GO TRACESHEL

crohnic · Answer

hello tracehel,
Sorry to hear 'bout your troubles (am knew to site so just read this).  feel free to have a good-ole- moan on this site...as you can see...we are all in similar boats re pain...and I, like others, know that it's so hard to convince others that you're in constant pain; if you say anything...they always want to 'come back' at you with idiotic comments like .."oh, ya think that's bad...I have this or I have the other" (always worse than yours).  I have family members like that....but I've learned that some people need to see you with your arm chopped off and pouring blood before they give sympathy or consideration.  Any ways....you keep posting here...and moan all ya like...get it out....and regarding financial probs...RJ233 is 100% correct...keep plugging away....take care and keep in touch.

RJ233 · Answer

Keep on applying for the financial help you need. I found you have to be persistant. You are not asking for anything that you don't rightfully deserve and have paid into. Hope everything works out soon for you. RJ

theresa722 · Answer

U shouldnt feel u let ur family down, somethings are beyond ur control. I feel ur pain, I have been out of work since feb. like u, I have worked hard on top of being a single mom. I spent several nights,days and wks crying in the shower or in bed so no one saw or heard. that kind of pain is worse than labor. I birthed a 10lb boy with no drugs, that was a walk in the park compared to the pain in my back, butt, leg, toes. I recently had surgery(6wks) and started to feel pain again. we all have felt ur pain, thats why were here, complain and whine, it will give u a lil relief to let it out. we all support u

mypain · Answer

DIDO. I tell the women to rember the pain of childbirth ,now put it in your neck ,and the men I tell them to rember when they got hit in the groin the hardest ,now put that in your back. These seem to hit home with most people. For the other few they must have had some kind of pain tooth ,Leg . Don't for get to tell them that unlike there pain this pain never goes away. If they still don't get it ,get a new friend.

whipper · Answer

I also know how you feel trying to explain to people what its like to live with constant pain.  If you are interested, I have at my disposal a beautiful and so true letter which starts "A letter to Normals from a Person with Chronic Pain" which I believe will help you.  I found thios letter about four years ago and gave it to my family and friends.  I actually cried when I read it as you won't have to do anymore explaning. I am sure that if you see this you will also cry. I will need you # to get in touch with you.

Whipper

tracehel · Answer

THANKYOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT,I UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT ALONE AND SHOULD TELL PEOPLE HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL.IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE ME A WHILE ,BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TOO .LIKE YOU SAID STRESS DOESN'T HELP,AS I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT.I HAVE BEEN OFF WORK SINCE JAN08,AND MY SICKPAYE HAS ENDED ,I RECENTLY APPLIED FOR A BENEFIT TO HELP ,BUT WAS DECLINED THIS REALLY HURT ME.I HAVE WORKED ALL MY LIFE AND ONLY NEED A LITTLE HELP TO GET THROUGH THE ROUGH PATCH.I FELT DEGRADED HAVING TO ASK ,BUT MY HUSBANDS WAGE ALONE IS'NT ENOUGH,I HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE HOUSEHOLD BILLS ,SO I FEEL I HAVE LET MY FAMILY DOWN.I FELT SO BAD I HAD A FUNNY TURN WHICH LEFT ME IN BED FOR THREE DAYS ,I GOT WORKED UP AND THE DIZZIES SPELLS CAME ,I COULDN'T WALK UNAIDED,I HAD TO HOLD ONTO THW WALL TO GET TO THE BATHROOM,I SPLEPT FOR TWO DAYS SOLID.TODAY IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN UP AND ABLE TOREPLY TO YOUR LETTERS OF SUPPORT.THANKYOU ALL.
I WILL HAVE LEARN TO TAKE UPSETS BETTER, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT.I AM SEEING A CONCELLOR  THIS MONTH SO PERHAPS SHE HAS A ANSWER.PERHAPS I COULD GET A JOB THAT WOULD SUIT MY NECK AND SHOULDER PROBLEM.THAT'S WHEN I FEEL A LITTLE STRONGER.I WILL CONTACT YOU SOON.PERHAPS ANY ONE OF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR ME. I WOULD BE GRATEFUL THANKYOU TRACEHEL

catwoman123 · Answer

Hi I echo all the thoughts of above and endorse them all. You HAVE to live your life according to your pain at that moment. If it hurts tell someone, don't suffer in silence. By suffering in silence you stress yourself, hold yourself tensely and increase your pain. I used to be like you and it didn't work. So don't let the anger, frustration and pain build up - let it out - vent it !! Do all you can to help yourself, whatever works, sit lie, move, walk, talk, shout, scream, moan, WHATEVER IT TAKES so you let it out. You will feel so much better for it, people are far more understanding than you think. And the ones who are not are not worth bothering with anyway! Good luck!

karen717 · Answer

I have found with back and neck pain that people who have not experienced it do NOT understand. It is hard to understand something you have no experience with. I also have fibromyalgia and it is the same way. I, too, wish people could understand just how much pain back problems can cause. Mine has been so bad at times that it hurt to breathe deeply. Now that is pain!

do_ray_me · Answer

I am a 76 yr. old ,had both knees replaced, several surgeries on my shoulders etc. because I try to take care of myself people look at me and say gee you look good, right now I am looking forward to back fusion surgery and am in constant pain, and I finally learned to tell people I HURT LIKE HECK. Like the above messages state, let them know where you are at other wise they can only judge you by the way you present yourself.

RJ233 · Answer

I felt the same way. You are used to being active and doing everything, then something happens that you can't. I pushed myself 3 yrs working. I was on so much pain med, I made a mess of some of my work, stuff I had done more than 13 years. I worked using ice packs on my neck that I could wrap around, and took breaks to lay on a heated chair. One day I decided the job was not worth making my pain worse. I decided it was time to take care of me.
Don't worry about what others think. Don't feel useless. You have worked for years and done what you could. Dealing with what you have to now is enough to have to do. People that know you, know who you are and that you would not all of a sudden change who you are and say you are in pain when you aren't. If you need to go lay down, then go lay down. Don't worry about getting on somebody else's nerves, what about yours. People here know exactly what you are talking about. Live your life as comfortable as you can, for you. You have taken care of your family as long as you were capable, now it is time for them to show the same love and concern for you. That is what a family and loved ones are all about. I am sure your family loves you, and they understand the condition you are in, more than you think. I think we all go through the same feelings that you feel. Your mental stress will get better as time goes by. Just take it one day at a time. We are here when ever you need to talk, and to support you.

dorisborisnbod · Answer

you are not alone, you will realise that anyone in pain will 'moan' it is allowed, it is part of your illness.  i give you permission to have a right old moan to anyone and everyone who will listen to you for an hour a day. go on set that clock and MOAN LIKE CRAZY. maybe we should all set our clocks and have a sycronised moan all around the world for one hour each day. let it out Tracy. x