Venting and questions about how strengthen my Love for God

[Bran_Bran]

Wow my youth pastor told me people at youth and church are always glad to see me because the can see how much I love the Lord and the can see him in me. She told me people look up to me. That feels amazing to know that the Lord has helped me help people!!!! She also told me I'm very mature wich suprises me but makes glad because I hope that with me being as mature as she said I am that hopfuly that will help me help people (not trying to make myself sound better than anyone because I know i am not, just explaining what I feel for some reason the Lord
wants me to share)


Now my qestoin what is somthing I can do when I find myself getting mad at God??? This happend last week fir the first time but whyle it was happening I was telling myself " I'm not really mad at Gid it's the devil I'm mad at"' anyways how can I make sure that, that was the first and last time that happens???

I am 16 and believed in the Lord since as far as I remember but accepted him into my life when I was 11 or 12. Since 2008 when I was finaly aloud to I have been going to church and youth every week. I Love the Lord with all my heart. I don't usualy waver with the lord only twice for 5 minutes at a time and I feel terrible for those 2 times!!!!

The devel trys so hard to make run away from the Lord but what the devil dosnt relize is that all he is doing is making me more mad at him for all the pain he has put me threw and making me walk more towards God!!!!

I relized today though when I was thinking about a talk I had with my youth pastor on Wednesday that the way the devil has been getting at me is threw depression. For a moment earlyer I was about to get off my bed grab a plastic bag and end it all but then I thought of youth pastor and how much she cares for me and then I thought of how she said the other day that Satin would love for me to give in and end it all so I decided right then and there that I was nit going to kill myself because I HATE the devil with a passion and I am not going to let him get his way with me!!!! I know the Lord has plans for me and I really want to help people and how in the world am I going to help people of I give into the devil and kill myself???

I think I may have found the one way to stop me from ever attempting again to end it all. Everytime it even crosses my mind to end my life I will think of how much I hate the devil and how much I LOVE God!

I can't wait to tell my youth pastor that!!!!

Many people may wonder why I choose to follow the Lord but my qestoin is why wouldent you???
Not to sound rude but if there was no God there would be no point to living for me anyways. If it weren't for the lord I wouldent be here today so I am proud to say to live for Christ is the only way to live!!!!

[compnet]

Yes, your school councellor.  I meant just ask what their policy is.  You can just say something like "are you required to report what I tell you to my parents?  Even serious matters that I want kept confidential?"  Even ask to have an alternative guardian to talk to them, such as your youth leader or your step mom.

[Bran_Bran]

I don't have a councelor do you mean the school guidance councelor??? And don't you think asking if you were to tell them your suicidal if they would have to tell your parents don't you think they obvisly know then that you are suicidal??? Not to sound rude just trying to make sense

[compnet]

I know exactly what you mean about the only point of life for you is living for God.  And your love of God keeps you from hurting yourself.  :)

Stop in and just ask your councellor what their rule is, as far as telling parents.

By the way, I'm glad to still be on MedHelp for however long this lasts.

[Bran_Bran]

Ya Latly it's only been getting worse I can't be happy for more than 2-5 minutes at a time then someone looks at menthe wrong way or someone says something or I just remember something stupid vie done. I wish I could just have at least one day were I don't think about killing myself! One day were I could I just be completely happy again and not worry about anything. But that's not happening it's just getting worse and my time of happiness and joy is growing smaller and smaller every day! At this rate in month or 2 I'll never be happy I'll be sad and angry at myself all the time! I can't live like this anymore!

I talked to my youth pastor last Wednesday and she said with my permission such I have her that she is going to look around and try and help me find professional help. I don't know how soon it will be of when I get the help but I am hoping soon because I can't live like this any longer! I kinda want to go to guidance at school to talk about it but I'm not sure if the school guidance counselor would have to tell my parents. I know a doctor wouldn't have to because I'm 16 but a school guidance counselor might be different if I were to tell them I've tried to kill myself and think about killing myself everyday!

What do you think???

[Vance2335]

Well keep talkign with people, praying and find a therapist ASAP.

[Bran_Bran]

Well it only seems to be getting worse. Hurrying more and more, more and mkre often. If I were to be with someone everytime I'm feeling down I would never be alone. I wouldent even be able to sleep alone in my room.

And I haven't checked out the depression fourm on here but I have checked out the teen depression forum on here

[Vance2335]

Best advice is to keep talking to people. If you get depressed at a certain time of the day call a friend or the youth pastor and talk. You don't want to be alone when you are dealing with those thoughts. Also check out the depression forum on this website, it might help.

[Bran_Bran]

Ya my youth pastor said with my permission wich I gave her that she is going to look around and help me find some professional help. She also told methat since I'm 16 I can go to my doctor and he won't have to tell my Mum. I just don't know how to go about bookig am appointment. Never done it befor and chances are if I do I won't be aloud out that day anyways.

Yes I felt terrible within seconds of being mad. I was like no I am not mad at the lord I am mad at my Mum.

[Vance2335]

I don't think there is anything wrong when you are mad at God. It shows that you are human. It shows that you dislike something that happened and our initial reaction is to the one we love...God.
Do you think Jesus was mad at God when God told him what he had to do for the sins of man? I think he was probably upset with him. "My God My God Why have you forsaken me" Matthew 27:46. Do you think this was a simple question or a scream of anger?

But after a moment of anger we then experience clarity and know that God is with us, Jesus is with us.

Depression is a tough battle. My Pastor has much depression in his family and when he was speaking about his brother who did kill himself my pastor told the church that if he every gets depressed like his brother that he is having his wife bring him to a mental hospital for help right away. So depression is a battle in us, but to help us God is doing his work through trained therapists. I would encourage you to see a therapist to help you with depression. No matter how hard you try to fight it is not a battle for you alone.