How about oppositional defiance disorder? Ask about ADHD. At least have it ruled out. You won't be sorry you did. Reading your story it seemed like I was reading about my life. I went thru almost the same thing w/ 2 of my 3 kids. All 3 of my kids are ADHD just like me,but only 2 had behavioral issues. Much better now. More manageable, less yelling, more laughing, fun & happiness.
Wishing u the best
PARSLEY424
P.S. I also got a book called the power of a positive mom, it gave me things to think about & tools & suggestions. BIG help. It taught me to say no or maybe later in a positive yes sorta way. & it works...
He may have an oppositional temperament or he may be displaying signs of an emotional disturbance (vs a normal-spectrum child behavior problem). It would be wise to arrange an evaluation with a pediatric mental health professional. In addition, you have to change your habit of repeating directions over and over. You can see that it is not effective, and it only 'teaches' your son not to take you seriously. The habit almost guarantees that you will become angry. Losing your own patience is not helpful. It is important to maintain your equanimity. And you are certainly correct when you suggest that hitting your son is not useful. In fact, it will only exacerbate the problem. For a reliable method of managing behavior, follow the guidelines in Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents.