Lost Parent

[Ayoflo]

Recently my eleven year old started odd behaviours.

1. He cut the most of leaves on a house plant in half, and left the evidence on the floor.

2. He used a knife made tiny cuts into the top of the cupboard doors in the kitchen.

3. He cut up mail before we could open it.

4. Cut little slits into his pillowcase.

5. Made indentations in the walls.

This is relatively new, it started about two months ago.
I've spoken with him to find out where it's coming from, but he doesnt know.

We recently moved to a new neighbourhood, and his school is out of our district, so he hasn't made friends in the neighbourhood through school.

My question.
Is this a phase that adolescents go through?
Do you think it's ONLY because of the move?
Could it be just because he's bored?
What can I do to 1. Discipline him, and 2. Inspire him to have respect for his home and its contents?

Help Me.

[Jen98]

I used to do things like that when I was about that age(10-13). I cut holes, well words into my matress, carved holes into hidden areas on my bedroom wall, carved words into my wooden bed frame. I don't know why I did it but I do remember being very sad and angry all the time because of my parents messy divorce, also because after the divorce we had to move into a different house into a different area and start going to a different school, and I wasn't able to make as many friends as I had before. My parents didn't recognize my problem or deal with it and progressed to cutting myself, and it eventually got quite bad and didn't change until I had entered highschool. I don't really know what to recommend to you, but I can tell you what didn't work. My dad put me into therapy (a very poor therapist too) and that just made me feel even more angry because by putting me in therapy it made me feel unnormal, that'd be about when the cutting started. One thing that mde me feel better was writing in a journal.

   I would go out and buy him a journal (a nice one) and tell him that its for him to do with whatever he pleases, if he wants to . . . and MAKE SURE you tell him it is private and that you wont be reading it, AND DONT (I still to this day can't trust my mother after she read my journal when i was 13) . I know that doing this helped me chanel my angry and sad feelings into something other than destruction. Then when I entered highschool I dont remember how, but that phase just sort of went away.

[indigo39]

I agree that he sounds angry..I went through something similar when I was younger (divorce and numerous moves)..I also was 'well behaved, polite, and considerate', and didn't know how to express my anger because I didn't want to cause any trouble to anyone. I wouldn't have even known how!

Take him to a counselor,yes, but also, TALK to him. LISTEN. Let him tell you whatever he wants, and if he doesn't want to talk, tell him he can think about it and talk later, if he wants.  

[Ayoflo]

These are kitchen knives, I cant hide them. He's eleven, so unloading the dishwasher is one of his afternoon chores, and that's when he starts cutting.

Normally my son is very well behaved, he is polite, good manners, and very considerate of others. He never raises his voice to me or his stepdad, or acts out in any way. This is why this behaviour is so strange. I will be taking him to see a professional.

Thanks

[ticked]

why does he still have a knife?  where is he getting them. Can't you hide them ?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, this is not behavior that is within the normal spectrum by any means. It indicates that your son is harboring aggressive impulses. It may well be that the anger is associated with the move and the disruption in his peer life. You should arrange an evaluation with an adolescent menatl health clinician - this situation requires attention.