just have to say that reading your post...you are raising my daughter. she is 8 and has the EXACT same problems. she has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD. i can certainly understand your frustration. let me know if you get any guidence. my daughter is not on any medication but the problems just do not seem to be resolving. i am afraid i may have to take that step in the near future if something does not change.
No, it is not normal and invites evaluation by a pediatric mental health clinician. You are wise to see the difference between simply preferring to play with younger children and acting in such a way that her peers are turning against her. Relative to the behavior at home, instead of having her stay in her room until she cleans it, place her in time out for approximately 15 minutes, then offer her the option to clean her room. If she won't cooperate, repeat the process.