my 6 year olds behaviors

[fejinner]

My 6 year old has just started having tantrums.  She gets very angry when she doesn't get her way, she will at times slap herself in the head and clench her teeth, and scream....like she doesn't know what else to do.   I sometimes lose my cool and end up screaming at here, and have to apologize later.  Time out does seem to help...until the next episode.  She just got in trouble at daycare for showing her underware by lifting up her dress. When I tried to talk to her she became hysterical sobbing, saying how much she hates herself, and that she is so stupid.  She had the look in her eyes like she was absolutely devastated that she had disappointed me.  She even said that she wanted to kill her self by stabbing a knife in her.  It broke my heart...I could not believe that my 6 year old had such feelings.  When She calmed and I talked to her about it, she said that when she looks in the mirror she thinks she is ugly.  She doesn't feel happy.  I don't know what to do.  I can't ignore the tantrums, but how do I help her feel more self worth when I have to dicipline?  My husband and I had some fighting and domestic violence issues a couple years back, and he has been in jail for a year now...and My daughter expresses how much she misses him???  I can't imagine that saying she wants to hurt herself is any way normal for this age or type of tantrum??? What do I need to do...Is it something that a different approach on discipline or my way of connecting to her can fix, or does she need therapy?  I want her to feel close to me, but I feel like the harder I try the further away she is moving.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You can make some adjustments and also introduce her to therapy. Regarding what you can do, read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents and follow its guidelines very carefully. But also arrange some therapy for your daughter, not so much re: the tantrums but to address some of the family developments and how she thinks about herself.

[malshaybeeptonya]

hey my daughter is 6yrs old and she does the same thing she hits herself, diciplines her younger 3yr old sister , says she hates me, and every body, tells me she has had dreams of killing her sister, and i to went threw a bad marriage to her father i got divored from him when she was 3 and my middle child was just turning 1  he used to hit me throw things and just anything you could imagine in front of her he didnt care and when she was 2she started talking in the 3rd person shayna did this or shayna did that and so on.. well she finally got out of the 3rd person thing when i got out of the bad marriage...then i met my husband now  and we have been together  for 3yrs now just getting married in sept 2009 and she just screams uncontrollably says things that a teenager would say and i dont know where she would get it from bc noone round here says things or even argues and i got an appt tomorrow for her to see a specialist on behavior..cuz i cant handle it i have whipped her cornered her taken things away and still she defies me......and lies whew that child cant tell the truth to save your life even when she is caught doing it she still will argue you down to the ground that she wasnt or didnt and call me stupid and a liar...to many to list but i am getting her help bc i need to know whats going on so i can better help her...