Preschool Rejection on Playground

[ceollie]

My daughter is 3 1/2 years old and attends preschool 3 half-days a week.  Her class from last year was split into 2 classes this year - one class with the older children and her class with the younger children plus new additions that are younger 3 year olds.  She is the oldest in her class and one of only 3 girls from her class last year that are in the younger class this year.

One of her friends from last year (I'll call her Sarah) is in the older class and gave my daughter a hard time at the beginning of the year about being in the baby class, etc.  Sarah has a very strong, leader-type of personality and has developed quite a following.  The 2 classes start every day together in the playground at school before they split into their separate classes.  My daughter is very friendly but she always wants to play with Sarah - it seems like she is seeking Sarah's approval.  Sarah continually rejects her and my daughter has a hard time recovering.  Every morning she runs up to Sarah to play, Sarah looks at her, doesn't say a word and turns away.  My daughter then wanders around the playground alone for a while and I encourage her to play with the other children but it is almost like she feels like she needs Sarah's approval to play with anyone.  I also think that it is starting to permeate through the group of girls on the playground.  They all want to play with Sarah.  When they see my daughter continually rejected by Sarah, they do not want to play with her either.  When Sarah is not there, my daughter is confident and plays happily with everyone.

I talked to the teachers about this and they kind of joked that Sarah is like the 3-year old version of the movie Mean Girls.  I never expected this at this age!

I don't want to let this get worse, but what can I do?  I can't make Sarah play with her.  I try to keep up her self-esteem and encourage her to play with the other children but she has such a hard time recovering from the rejection.  

What should I do?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This will work out OK, as long as your daughter is able to play with other children when Sarah is not there. It would make sense to try to impress on the staff that they should be intervening in this situation. It is hardly a reasonable response to reply to you the way they did and then not pursue it.

[tejodouro]

Have you tried to have playdates with Sarah outside of the school environment? Maybe a playdate or two will bring Sarah around. As the doctor said, if she is playing with other kids when Sarah does not want to play, you do not have a big issue. She will outgrow Sarah, if Sarah does not come around. She also should have playdates with one or two girls from her own class to encourage other friendships.