Son having potty training regression.

[CUTIETHlNG]

I have a son who just made 4.  He learned potty training great a few months ago.  Now he is holding it until the very last minute and leaks in his underwear.  He does go to bathroom but he leaks enough that I have to wash about 3 to 4 pair of underwear a day.  Also he has started pooping in his pants instead of going to the bathroom.  He mostly has BM accidents at home, at Grandmas he goes BM just fine.  He also wets the bed.  I don't want to put him in a diaper, in my mind that just crushes the spirit of "being a big boy".  Should I try a reward system?  Is this just a phase?  Should I get angry?  Should I just leave him alone?  I feel at a loss.  Like the parents say, it seems like everything during the day and night revolves around making sure he pees.  We started recently doing the pull-ups nighttimes just so everyone in the house can get a full nights sleep and we call them nighttime underwear not diapers.  How long should this last?  Is it normal?  Help!! I felt so accomplished and now I feel like I failed completely.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The less discussion the better. Let the reward system do the talking, if you will. Do not take back the rewards he has earned. That will turn the reward system into a punishment, just what you want to avoid.

[CUTIETHlNG]

So when he does have accidents should we discuss it with him?  The reward system we were thinking about is using cheap hot wheels.  Everyday he goes a full day without an accident we would give him a car and if he does have an accident he has to give all the cars back?  Is making him give the cars back a to negative to add to the reward system or should he have only rewards when he does good, no consequences for mistakes?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

First, maintain your equanimity - you're letting yourself get way too upset. This is a normal routine. Your son is on his way to being completely toilet trained - he's just not there yet. Absolutley use a reward system and do not become angry. The nocturnal enuresis may be a separate issue altogether. Roughly 8-10% of children are wet at night, even if they are toilet trained during the day. The two things do not necessarily go together.