Questions, questions, questions..

[momofethan]

My 10 month old son is hitting all of his milestones.  However, he rarely wants to do things I feel he should be doing such as holding his own bottle, sleeping through the night without interruption (he used to do it until 5.5 months) and holding his own cup to drink.  Oddly he wants to spoon feed himself though.  I used to chalk up the bottle holding thing to just enjoying the bonding between us while he feeds, but now I am thinking that he is just being, well, lazy. I usually give in and hold the bottle and cup because I am afraid that he won't get his daily intake of formua/juice... What do I do to make him more independent with these issues?  He absolutely will not go to sleep at night without my 'help'.  I have to lay down with him in my bed until he falls into a deep sleep, otherwise he wakes back up during the transition to the crib...help!

Also, he is showing, in my opinion, some forms of aggression.  I lay on the floor while he climbs up on me to stand up on his own and he will take a few steps.  While he is standing independently, he is starting to smack me in the face!  We tell him 'No' sternly, but he simply will not quit.  He also is starting to bite us.  He has six teeth now and is otherwise showing no signs of further teething at this point in time.  I think he is using the biting as some sort of 'aggression outlet' and does it to do it.  I really do not know what to do to let him know that he cannot continue to do these things.  I would hate to not play with him because of these issues, but I really need to know how to get him to stop so it can be more enjoyable.  I have two older children who are 20 and 15, so all this baby discipline is pretty much new to me now......

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

To solve the sleep and eating issues, you'll have to change your behavior. As long as you continue to think that you must act the way you are acting, you will have trouble giving up the behavior. You have options. For example, stop staying with your son until he falls asleep. He's learning very well what you are teaching him - that is, that he needs you in order to fall asleep. He's also learning that he needs you to hold his bottle etc. Let him do it. As long as he's developing fine relative to his motor issues, he'll quickly get the knack of it. It's not that he's lazy; rather, he's simply doing what you've taught him.

Relative to the aggressive behavior, immediately place him in time out (probably his crib) whenever he acts in an aggressive fashion. After repeated exposures to this, he will change the behavior.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, I endorse the notion of permitting him to fall asleep on his own. If you continue to go in you are reinforcing the very behavior you'd like to change. By doing so, you are essentially teaching your son that he needs you to be there. He's not going to feel insecure if you persist. Rather, he will 'learn' to go to sleep on his own, a valuable achievement.

[momofethan]

Thank you very much!  How nice to see things from a different perspective.  I do, however, have one more question relating to the sleeping issue...  Do I simply put him in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep?  I have tried to do this and after 20 minutes, I cave in.  I do realize that crying isn't going to 'hurt' him, however, I am afraid of not making him feel secure.