Teenager with ODD

[Menomom]

We are struggling with ODD in our 17 year old daughter. The constant struggle with her behavior toward us, her parents has us both worn out. She seems to be a salmon swimming upstream; always the opposite of us or the norm,wants our constant attention, always interrupts us when we are speaking to others. She is extremely bright. She has a small circle of friends because she is very opinionated, and people get tired of her after a while. She procrastinates with her school work.  Does homework and never turns it in, gets extensions from teachers. They are so tired of her and her excuses. Because she has a hard time concentrating at school we thought she might have some ADD characteristics. She was on Aderall (made her psychotic) for about 3-4 months, and just tried Concerta (she was sensitive, agitated) so we are very hesitant to try any more meds. She has very poor executive skills which affect her schoolwork and family, her room is a disaster, and when cleaned is a mess within hours.  It is so cluttered that sometimes you cannot even walk in the door. She twists words to suit her purpose.  Most of her anger is pointed toward me, because I tend to be the disciplinarian in the family.  My husband and I did a total role reversal and then all of her anger was directed toward him.  She expects to be treated on the same level as an adult. She has no respect for me.  Calls me names, like "liar", "*****", tells me to "die"...etc.  She is rude to me in front of teachers, counselors etc

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

These sorts of situations are so difficult, chiefly because our leverage as parents is so limited when children get into their late teens. To your credit, you are still able to maintain a balanced perspective and recognize some positive aspects to her functioning. A sensible option re: medication (since she doesn't appear to do well with the psychostimulants) is to try Strattera, a non-stimulant medication approved for the treatment of ADHD (by the way, it may also help her mood). Now, from a diagnostic perspective, it is possible she displays Mood Disorder (either depression or bipolar disorder), and a mood stabilizing medication may be of great benefit as well. Of course, at her age she would need to be 'on board' and cooperate with additional evaluation/treatment.

[Beth R]

Hi. Our 10-year-old son has been ODD forever. Like you, we have tried therapy and meds with no relief (along with getting rid of food additives/allergens). Like you, our family is a wreck. However, we have the additional issue of violence and destruction of property (always at home, never at school). We are reluctantly trying Seroquel (mood stabilizer) as psychiatrist thinks our son is now also depressed. No results after 3 weeks on this drug. For awhile I believe we were getting somewhere using the approach outlined in The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser. If you check out http://www.difficultchild.com/ and the discussion forum in particular, you may find it's worth trying. The book is available at that site or cheaper at Amazon.com. The book is kind of redundant in many places, but why not explore it -- maybe you'll be one of the many for whom it seems to work in a truly transformational way. In any case, at least you now know of one more person out here who can truly, truly empathize with your situation. I wish you strength.