Young foster child gone wild

[Autumn231]

My husband and I have our two young nieces in our care, long term.  They have lived with us for 1 year 6 mos. following 4 mos. with their paternal grandmother.  They were 1 yr. 10 mos. and 3 yrs. 8 mos. when they moved in.  The older child is doing well.  She has a bit of a sneaky lying problem, but that has greatly diminished over time.  She does well in school, plays well with others and is an easy to love little girl.  The younger child is making me crazy.  She is a fit prone maniac.  She is beyond stubborn and will scream "Oww, oww, oww." if put into time out.  She hits and is cruel to her older sister.  She doesn't share anything, ever.  Her attitude is up, down, up down.  She will be very happy, smiling and lovey. Then over any tiny thing, she flips out, first by shutting down, then when forced to go to time out or bed, she screams.  She is no better behaved now than she was when she came.  Because she seems to seek and bask in attention received from being bad, we have decided to ignore it.  She is simply told what she did that was mean, put in time out with a timer on and left to holler.  I think because she is not getting attention for her bad behavior, she has started wetting her pants.  This is a new and disturbing twist.  She starts preschool next fall and this isn't acceptable.  For reference, she has been fully potty trained for 1 yr and 6 mos.  She knows how to hold it to wait for a bathroom if we are out and about.  She had very few accidents even when she was training.  I actually suspect she may be bi-polar, but it seems odd to think that of a child this age.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If indeed it turns out down the road that she displays Bipolar Disorder (she is certainly vulnerable to this condition because of the positive family history), she may well require pharmacological treatment. Bipolar Disorder is a biologically-based emotional disorder and in part the treatment is biological (i.e., medication and its infuence on brain chemistry).

[Autumn231]

Thank you.  I worry a bit about the bipolar issue because a lot of her biological family members have been diagnosed with it.  I don't want to have a child on medication, because I think they need to learn to work with any issues they might have, but she has worried me.  It is good to know that the screaming, bothersome as it may be, isn't really a bad thing.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

All you really can do is continue to offer her the best parenting you can, including both limit setting/discipline and affection. When you do discipline her, the screaming is best ignored. It's OK and is an indication that the discipline is influencing her. She's really too young to know if she will utlimately be diagnosed with a mood disorder (including the possibility of bipolar disorder). So, you are left to manage the behavior for the most part. Having said that, it would be prudent to have her evaluated by a child psychiatrist.

[Autumn231]

Sorry, my post doesn't really ask a question.  I want to know if there is a way to get her intense moodiness to reduce.  She takes so much out of me, that I have nothing left to give to the other four kids here.  I have begun to think about breaking our guardianship and having her move out, which is really unfair to her, but shows my desperation and the serious nature of her issues.  I love her and don't want to fail her.