innapropriate touching

[catms417]

I live in a household of which during the day cares for three Three year olds (one girl, two boys), a One year old (girl) and an Eight month old (boy).  The Three year olds obviously play together during the day as they have many of the same interests.  It has been brought to our attention that the 3 yr old girl has recently touched one of the 3 yr old boys and has kissed the other 3 yr boy.  I know that this is probably not normal behavior, and a discussion about good and bad touching has taken place, and to the best of our knowledge the touching and kissing had stopped until recently.  It has once again been brought to our attention that the 3 yr old girl and the 3 yr old boy that she had kissed together touched the other 3 yr old boy.  What can we do in order to better instill that this behavior is unacceptable?  The kids are monitored closely, so it is quite baffling that this occured again without being noticed.  I am also wondering if the 3 yr old boy that had been 'touched' by the girl may be exhagerating to some extent because the first incident happened several months ago, and that is all that he seems to talk about; furthermore the first time that it happened he ran to us IMMEDIATELY and said something about it, whereas the second incident happened a few days ago and he was caught with his pants downs playing with himself on the sofa and was repremanded for that and this is when he said that the other 3 yr olds touched him again.  I am at the end of my rope.  Please give me some type of insight on this situation.  Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I think you may be assuming too much about the learned aspect of the behavior. These are three-year-olds, and by nature they need a lot of structure and limit setting, as well as nurturance. You teach them by setting a firm limit and offering a simple (very simple) explanation about the privacy of their genital areas and how they are not to touch others or let others touch them. That's all you have to do. Don't make it more complicated than it is.

[catms417]

What can we do in order to further teach the kids that this type of behavior is wrong, and possibly try to find out where this behavior was learned?  I have been told that this is in fact a learned behavior, and the best way to stop it is to stop it where it began.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Try to maintain your equanimity about this. All it requires is straightforward limit setting and very good supervision. You are right about your suggestion that sound supervision should be an almost guarantee against such behavior, and children this age require such close supervision even if such behavior is not the issue.