worried about my son

[dass9902]

My son is 8 years old, and in the 3rd grade.  He is smart and sweet.  However the boys don't want to play with him.  He is constantly with the girls, who seem to accept him.  He actually has a big crush on 1 of the girls he plays with, and thats all I hear about.  The boys in his class ignore him. They play soccer everyday on the playground, and he doesn't like to play soccer.  So he ends up playing with the girls. He follows them around like a puppy.  I have been sending a basketball with him to school to pactice shooting hoops at recess. Just to keep him away from the girls, and give him something to do.  My husband and I have been talking to him about playing sports with the boys. Lately, he has been playing dodgeball during recess.  But he is always the last one picked, and when he is picked, it is by the girls team.  I keep telling him to keep trying, and show the boys how good he can actually play. He is not really atheletic. Sometimes I feel I am setting him up to have his feelings hurt. How can I find a way for him to fit in?  He is exremely smart, sensitive, cute, a straight "A" student and just won the County Science Fair. But he can't keep playing with girls all the time. He does have boys friends.  Just not in his class.  I am worrring myself sick over this.  I can't stand seeing him sad over this.  Do we need to see a Psycologist?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The reason you might arrange an evaluation with the psychologist would be to inquire about your son's response to this. And that is certainly a good reason. Obviously not all boys enjoy sports. When boys do not favor sports, one of the effects is to eliminate many opportunities for engaging with other boys, because sports are such a valued social opportunity for them. So, boys who are not inclined toward athletics do have a disadvantage socially. Consider your son's own interests and how those can promote more interaction with his male peers. Itmay take some creative actions on your part to locate opportunities for him. Also, consider if his ways of interacting, not just his preferences, might be contributing to his problems making his way among the boys.

[dass9902]

Yesterday my sons class went on a field trip, and nobody wanted to sit by him on the bus.  It broke my heart.  I just wish the teacher would assign the kids a field-trip partner, instead of having the kids pick.  He was even more embarrased because I witnessed it. I will be taking him to a psycologist.  Just so he can learn some coping skills and ways to vent his frustration. Perhaps the Dr. can give me some ideas on how to cope myself. I just want my son to know and understand how great a kid he is. To give him some confidence. Thank God this school year is almost over.  I just had a conference with his teacher, and she is putting him into the same class next year with a boy he sometimes plays with on the playground.  Lets keep our fingers crossed!  I feel for you.  Just try to be there for him as much as you can, and let him know how much you love him.  Maybe you can talk to his teacher and get some suggestions from her.  I just enrolled my son in Karate, and he loves it.  We will see.... ,  

[mommysince2000]

Your "worried about my son" post describes our son almost exactly.  He just turned 8 and is in the 2nd grade.  He plays with girls at recess a lot.  He does pretty well academically, but I'm worried about his social development.  Although he doesn't seem to be sad, I'm afraid our worrying and trying to help him make good choices may end up hurting his feelings too.  I just don't want him to get older and then have more serious problems socially.  We tell him to try to play with boys at school.  He doesn't like most team sports.  It is difficult to find activities he enjoys with his boy peers.  We try to have friends over but the opportunities don't seem to come easily to us.  Throughout the last two weeks we have had several incidents which have been challenging to deal with. He didn't get to the bathroom in time at school, two incidents where the girls say he was bugging them and talking loudly in their faces, one time the girls said that he wasn't their friend anymore, and another time when he got upset after his grandma came to visit for lunch at school and then cried after she left.  He is very sensitive when he gets in trouble at school because it rarely happens that we know about.  The teacher said he is good in the classroom, I'm just worried about the unstructured times.  He also seems to get silly/goofy at inappropriate times which seems too be disrupting and annoying to others.  These may seem like minor things, but they have us concerned.  Thoughts from anyone?  Thank you!